hi, new member.

[quality factor]

Hi to everybody from QF,

Can I introduce myself? I have had the misfortune of suffering from mental health problems since my early twenties.....I am now getting on towards
pensionable age ugh!
I held a teaching job down for 20 years until I had to take early retirement at the tender age of 40!
Since then my problems have increased having had two hospital admissions and one crisis after another. I am in crisis at the moment having lost my partner and my father in the past 18 months. I have, and continue to experience intense bullying from my neighbours, so much so that I am having to leave my home in order to try and get a bit of peace of mind.
In 2003 I was given a diagnosis of bipolar2 and then with a change of CMHT and Psychiatrist I have recently been told I have BPD.
This came as a tremendous shock and have had great difficulty accepting it.

But life goes on.I have tried to take my life a couple of times, but have more ideations of suicide than anything. I have taken to cutting in recent years.
I am fortunate to have an understanding and patient CPN, and although the road has been very rocky between us, I know that she is good for me.

There are times, especially recently, when I wonder if its worth what has to be called a fight to keep going, but here I am. I feel so many times that I'm going under, but I keep bouncing back to the surface.

I've never been on this kind of site before, but hope that I can help other folks and that they can help me.

 

[jamesdean]

quality factor u have found your way around quickly, i'm sure u will enjoy the forum its very enjoyable, interesting, supportive,friendly, everything u hope it will b i'm sure it will b that & more.
it must of been hard loosing your dad n partner, its good that u have a good cpn. i dont have bpd, i have lived with clincal depression since 1970, i have lived with suicidal ideation 4 a long time but unless u have had experience i dont think it means anything in the normal world. though people in the normal like 2 say "whot is normal anyway" but i'm sure they wouldnt want 2 live with mental illness, i'm sure if they knew the depths of depression then they would b happy 2 call them selves normal.
its very quiet on the forum 2 day some of us had a crazy night so i guess some people r sleeping now, i dont know that 4 sure! good 2 hear from u n keep posting jd

 

[quality factor]

Thanks!

Hi JD,

Thanks very much for your welcome message!

If folks haven't had any experience of anything much than living with clinical depression then at some stage that must be "normality" to them.I think to some extent normality is an individual thing, what is normal anyway??? What do we guage normality by?

Hey! I'm getting a bit deep for a Sat afternoon! I'll leave you in peace to recover from your crazy night!!!

 

[jamesdean]

thats ok i'm logging off now myself but i didnt find that 2 deep i'm sure it could lead 2 a great discussion

 

[companion]

Hi Quality Factor and ( i love that pic)

It is nice to meet you. This forum is very friendly and does offer a great deal of support. I have learnt so much from how diverse mental illness is and how people seem to be so strong when things seem so bleek.

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father and partner, that must have been so hard to cope with. As Jamesdean has said, it is good that you have the support of your mental health workers.

The way I see it a label is just that -a label. I can imagine being told you have BPD would be difficult, but atleast treatment can be focused. I hate that people have to have a label to be belong, but that is just our society and we still are expected to muddle through with our variety of labels and problems.

I do not think anything is too deep to discuss at any point of the day, but I was sleeping for most of the day and not contributing much - guilty as charged .

Anyway I have rambled enough, I hope that you find your way about and that I see you around soon. If you need anything you only have to ask.

Take care

Companion

 

[Dollit]

Hi QF - I'm taking it that BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder? Welcome to the forum anyway, it's not important what we have rather that we can help each other.

Re your neighbours - have you looked into dealing with them via ASB teams/helplines etc?

 

[quality factor]

Morning!

Morning,
Thanks for your reply, yes BPD is Borderline etc etc!
I have used various means to try and deal with these people, but they haven't given up for 14 months now....virtually every day something happens. It has been a mixture of noise , but mostly "mind games". They know about my mental health situation and have played on it. I view them as the lowest of the low.
At the moment I am waiting to exchange contracts on my new property, it's very tense. I wonder at times how I've got through it all.

friends have told me that a new start will do me good, but they have been so so awful to me that the wounds will take time to heal.
So another day to get through.

 

[Dollit]

I had really bad neighbours at my last place and had to have an emergency move in the end. Most of them here are fine except one or two who are motivated by warped jealousy but I come to the conclusion that they're like that because I have a life and they haven't. A strong support network helps.

 

[quality factor]

Re:neighbours

Hi!
Thanks for those words. I too feel they are drenched in jealousy..in the 14 months that this has been going on, I have not given them the pleasure of retaliating. I have tried to keep a dignified silence,but in many respects I think that this has made them even worse!
They are absolutely obsessed as is the sister and mother who visit often to "have a go". Basically they are SAD and need to get a life. What makes me so sad is that they have brainwashed the young mind of their 3 year old,and used her as an implement in their hate campaign.
I must stop, I could go on and on!

 

[Dollit]

It's hard to rise above it and it's hard not to feel it. I work around ASB at times so it's quite difficult to come home to it too. But still I have what they want and they're not getting it! I'm sure the move will be positive and hope it all goes through smoothly.

 

[quality factor]

Thanks, I think I will feel a lot more positive when I have actually exchanged contracts, hopefully it will be this week. What I find most hurtful is they will be gloating because they will have achieved what they set out to do.

 

[Dollit]

And you will be moving onwards and they'll be still wallowing in misery. Because they will still be the same soulless, thoughtless stupid people.

 

[quality factor]

Yes you're right! Everybody who is giving me support at the mo are saying the same thing.
I do wonder if I am as obsessed with them as they are with me??
I nearly ended my life because of them, but something kept me going.
I am worried because just being in new surroundings is not going to make me forget what they have done to me...perhaps I'm being too negative.
My father always told me not to hate but to dislike, I HATE THEM WITH A VENGEANCE!!
Perhaps the grass will be greener on the other side, so to speak!

 

[Dollit]

You will forget them and it will take time. It's hard not to think about people when you know when you step outside they seem to be almost waiting for you.

And I don't think you do hate them. I believe that it's only possible to hate someone you have loved. You probably despise them and dislike them but try this instead. Pity them. Feel sorry for them that they have so little in their lives that the only way they can boost their self-esteem is to bully someone vulnerable.

Bet I know who will emerge the strongest.

 

[quality factor]

Thanks for your time and your wise words. The weekend is always the worst to get through.
Wish I had discovered this site many months ago.
In my area you are basically on your own during the weekends. I'm not one for asking for help anyway. But this doesn't feel like asking for help, it feels more like a sort of comradeship.