hi new here!! many questions but- does it get easier or do we just get used to dealing with it??

[ogbbybd]

So- a little vague but i find myself struggling with a lot right now, specifically who i even am at times. I was diagnosed in 2017 and i still find myself falling asleep thinking about my most severe manic episode. I find myself thinking about situations or people from past lives that i dont even care about! Lately, i feel less in touch with myself, not so much with reality, but just also no interest or no point, and then ill be fine the next day, and then repeat! I guess im asking, if anyone else deals with this, any tips? Im finding it increasingly difficult to want to be near people, and im finding my existence more and more embarrassing. I try to snap out of it, and somedays im not sure how much of me is "me" or my personality, or if my disorder is my personality. Should we or do we always feel less than normal?? plz help! Personal stories and insights seem to help me! First time joining a forum since ive always enjoyed reading *sun glasses emoji*

 

[Blue Opal]

Welcome on the forum.
I can relate, I think a lot of us can.
Some people with bipolar disorder can feel normal (at times) when they're on the right meds. Do you take any and do you feel that hey help?

 

[ogbbybd]

Welcome on the forum.
I can relate, I think a lot of us can.
Some people with bipolar disorder can feel normal (at times) when they're on the right meds. Do you take any and do you feel that hey help?

i actually don’t! i have been wondering about lithium for quite a bit, the last time i took meds was maybe 3 years ago and i stopped because i couldn’t feel anything while on them, in a numbing sense. i feel like if i’ve gone this far, i don’t “need” them but at this point, i don’t even know anymore.

 

[Blue Opal]

What med did you take? I don't have a lot of experience with mood stabilisers other than seroquel and lithium, and these don't cause this emotional numbness for me, but I know they can for others.
There might be other meds that do not cause this side effect or have less chance to do so.
Maybe other people can help here, if you want to go down that route again.
All the best.

 

[Gratefultobewell]

I wish I could give you some tips, but I am always reliving the past painful memories too. I know medication definitely helps me. Without it there is no escape from these thoughts, they get a lot worse. I guess one tip I could give you is to try to separate yourself from your illness. It’s hard because this illness can cause me to do things I wouldn’t do normally, but it still is an illness.

 

[Wishbone]

Take a gander at this Rumination in bipolar disorder: evidence for an unquiet mind which is about rumination in Bipolar Disorder.

"...individuals who ruminate are mentally quite active, with numerous thoughts, albeit with a negative bias."

This is the "Unquiet Mind" that Kay Redfield Jamison wrote about (although all encompassing taking Bipolar as its whole). Not just racing thoughts at certain times, but ruminating about all kinds of things and not being able to just switch off and not link some random thing you saw 20 minutes ago with some kind of food item and then a person you knew 7 years ago and so on and so on! It's exhausting.

Does it get easier? I think that depends on each individual case. On the whole mine has grown worse over time.

 

[Gratefultobewell]

Thanks for the link, it was very interesting. It helped me to understand that the negative thoughts are part of the illness, not necessarily reality.

 

[Zana]

Should we or do we always feel less than normal??

Being 'normal' is overrated and all those pretending to be normal are just kidding themselves. Being yourself - unapologetically - is the only path to happiness.

 

[Saaaaad66]

So- a little vague but i find myself struggling with a lot right now, specifically who i even am at times. I was diagnosed in 2017 and i still find myself falling asleep thinking about my most severe manic episode. I find myself thinking about situations or people from past lives that i dont even care about! Lately, i feel less in touch with myself, not so much with reality, but just also no interest or no point, and then ill be fine the next day, and then repeat! I guess im asking, if anyone else deals with this, any tips? Im finding it increasingly difficult to want to be near people, and im finding my existence more and more embarrassing. I try to snap out of it, and somedays im not sure how much of me is "me" or my personality, or if my disorder is my personality. Should we or do we always feel less than normal?? plz help! Personal stories and insights seem to help me! First time joining a forum since ive always enjoyed reading *sun glasses emoji*

I felt screwed up for years! I didn’t like myself because of the negative hateful feelings I’d have towards other people. I’d hate my life some days and dislike everyone in it. Those thoughts make you question what kind of person you are to have all this hate inside. I saw councillors and was referred to anger management and cognitive behavioural therapy. The doctors just treated me for depression and insomnia for about 20 years. That’s 20 years of feeling totally screwed up and hating myself. Why I wasn’t referred to psychiatrist sooner I’ll never know, because as soon as I saw a psychiatrist I was diagnosed as being bipolar and put on mood stabilisers and Quetiepine to help me sleep. Although I still suffer with not knowing how I’m going to feel on a daily/weekly basis, I’m learning to try and not hate myself so much, by recognising that these feelings of anger and hate are the disorder speaking and not me. The reason I know this is because I have the exact same life, that doesn’t change, but the way I perceive it does.

 

[keith74]

"Untreated" bipolar will get worse over time. "Untreated" means no meds and not changing lifestyle to account for bipolar (continued unhealthy lifestyle like substance abuse, not managing stress, etc).

Properly treated bipolar gets easier to deal with over time as it helps keeps it in check and keep you stable.