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hi, new here just trying to understand what's going on with me

M

moon948

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2021
Messages
1
Location
italy
so ... uhm hi? i don't know why i'm writing this but i'm just tired of beating myself over something that maybe it's not real so i need some... i don't know, real conclusions. i don't know if i'm facing depression or it's just me overreacting because i feel more miserable than ever. it makes me feel extremely guilty to feel this way, to wonder whether it's depression or not because it's such a big issue and me overthinking about it makes me feel like i'm invalidating people with real depression. but the things is, i've been feeling worse than ever for more than a month, actually it all started two years ago with the pandemic but lately i've been feeling always on the edge, i mean emotionally. i'm doubting if i have depression or not because, one of the symptoms is feeling drained or not having energy at all and i can't say that, well sometimes it's really hard to get out of bed but i'm still be able to do little things everyday, i just don't feel enough motivation and this happens all the time and i know depression is different from anyone but what if i'm just being dramatic? i'll explain better.
so yeah, lately it's been so hard to handle things, i've been such a crybaby i have mental breakdowns everyday because i don't know... i'm not good enough. i realized that all the bad things that happened to me are my fault and i am such a bad person, i think of me as a selfish person who spends those two hours each day with their friends and then come home and feel that sense of guilty for just not staying at home and crying all the time. i feel guilty to have "ok" moments when i know i don't deserve them. plus, my loved ones are worried about me not having much appetite, they're worried about me always having my head "in the clouds" and not having interest at all about doing things, i just don't get the point of doing them if i end up feeling like shit everyday. but then i remind myself that if i don't do things, then i'll have to worry about the guilt of doing nothing. it's exhausting, mentally talking. physically symptoms... i just feel weak all the time and lately i've been experiencing strange physical pains like headaches almost everyday and back pains. sometimes even suicidal thoughts come to my mind but it's scary how i don't get scared by them. it drives me insane to not have a proper diagnosis about these things or just a name for all these thoughts and worries i have. i haven't talked with anyone about my condition because i don't wanna bother people with more problems and i don't wanna feel misunderstood like i already did... i don't know i just don't know what's going on with me, it feels like it will never ends because at some points i will feel a little better but then everything comes again and it's tiring
 
H

hairybanana

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2021
Messages
3,697
Location
Australia
Don’t think you need to worry about how many boxes you’re checking on the depression list. If you’re not feeling right within yourself then listen to that and raise your concerns with your GP. Always good to get an open line of communication going with your GP about your mental health. Depression is the kind of thing that can spiral if left untreated. It does sound to me like there’s some symptoms there that would benefit from further investigation.
Take care of yourself, and good onya for sharing on here, that can be a daunting task in itself
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
7,451
Location
A comet
Hello moon948, welcome to the forum.
 
Bod

Bod

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Jul 19, 2021
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7,807
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Pretty Good
Hi moon948, welcome to the forum you will be just fine here as we are all helpful and caring for each other.
 
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