hi, new here...feeling kind of lost

[scarlet]

hi, this is my first post here and it is probably going to ramble a bit...so will say sorry first

I am a 30 yr old mother of 3 and have been married for nearly 13 years. technically i have been diagnosed since my first daughters birth 12 years ago...looking back i had problems as a teen too. The last 3 years things have become worse n worse..I get put back on prozac but hate taking it, it feels false so i come off it then go back rinse n repeat. I tried counselling but tbh it didnt help there was all this airy fairy stuff about making creaures inside me to give my emotions to..I was tested for bipolar havent got it. I used to be a fairly confident, ambitious person..now i am scared of everything. I feel guilty constantly. At the moment I feel like i have probably messed up my kids lives big time. We have no money no prospects. I can't rememeber the last time that a day passed without me crying and i mean loads of crying. I am driving my husband potty...I see meanings in everything. I question everything he says or doesnt say. I am scared of upsetting people even complete strangers. I will fret about something that happened in the day for hours. I have no real friends no family support. I magnify everything I get angry at myself for being so useless. I have piled on weight I hate myself soo much I don't know what to do. Husband wants me to go back to the GP but I can't face having to go through it all again.. I just cry so much then have to go through waiting room after with everyone looking at me. I seem to be going round in a big downward spiral and really cant see the bottom. I am a control freak but cant control anything at the moment.

see rambling sorry
scarlet

 

[Dollit]

Not rambling Scarlet at all - quite a classic story of depression and the feelings of guilt and worthlessness that go around with it.

Take your husband's advice and go back to the GP. Print out your post and take it with you and show it to the doctor. That will tell the doctor heaps of stuff. I've got a big reluctance to take medication too but unfortunately I have to just to be well enough to carry on in what passes for normality. I don't like it but I do it because it's too scary to live without it.

People on here will take of their own experience and how they deal with things and make suggestions. It's a good forum, the people are supportive and we even have fun.

And you're most

 

[JIBBAJABBA]

Hi Scarlet,

First of all a huge to the site.....everyone si friendly here and will offer you some good sound advice and always be here to listen! Please stick around and yes agree with dollit, a trip back to the GP might help put things into perspective for him and you!

Hope you are feeling a net of relief having taken a big step in posting here!!
jibbz xxx

 

[telemetry9]

hi there,

I'm sure many of us can relate to your experience of living with depression and how it takes it toll in daily living and effects our sense of self.

I think it is a great idea of Dollit's to take your post and print it out and show it to your GP. Communication isn't easy with depression and conveying it accurately is important in getting the help you need.

Taking medication in the long or short term can be effective for many people and the side effects are usually small. It's important to keep trying until you find the right medication for you and this can take time and patience. There are also some great support groups for people with depression in most large towns. These places are wonderful because they offer support from people who often have shared experiences. There is nothing greater than that in my own experience. The medical profession can offer treatment but they often don't have that personal experience of how to cope with living with depression and anxiety. At a support group you might make new friends who have understanding of your condition and you will probably meet other parents who might have the experiences of being a parent with depression. There will be people there who have contacts and all sorts of information advice in order to help you have a life and not feel so isolated. I have recently started going to a support group and I was surprised by how supportive and kind the people are (and how much empathy they have). Don't let the depression talk you out of going and it usually takes 3 or 4 visits to see if it is right for you.
But as i say: I am so glad I found a support group and after only two sessions - I feel like I have found something so invaluable. It has already helped me enormously.
all the very best