thankyou
I dont really know whoI really am, I dont remember beinghappy in years, but just pretending to be happy to make others happy, if youknow what i mean, however today i have had enough, today was a great day, but not without what always happens in my family strife, thats what, and i always end in the middle, i cant do it no more, i really cant, i brought all my kids up by myself, and i worked most of my adult life, except for the fact that i left my jobs because of paranoia, my depression over the years has been getting steadily worse, and now at nearly aged 50 they found out my problem well sorry its a bit to damn late, my life is nearly over anyway, i dont go out cos i cant be in crowded places, i get anxious and paranoid, i cant funtion properly, iforget stuff, i used to be so independent, now may daughter is treating me like a little kid, i want to be who i am supposed to be a mature stable mother and grandmother, not this stupid, sensless, selfish person with no sense of humour anymore, and no life, i come to the end of the road, i know what you will say, it will get better, wait tillthe meds start working,well ihave nothad themyet, they cant even get the blood test right, the stupid nurse tried three times and boy did it hurt, soi got to wait another few days now, ihad diazipan last night but it not worked, i now gone from really angry and manic, to pretty pissed of, well more then that, i gone back down again, but this time much harder and quicker than last time. anyway i am rambling again,sorry so sorry i sound like a complete idiot who feels sorry for herself, well your probably right, thanks any way for the previous advice