Hi, is there actually anything wrong, and do I belong here at all?

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NotALlama

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May 23, 2019
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#1
Hi, this is pretty long, so I'm sorry! I'm here for some advice, really. I'm sorry if this is the wrong place for this.

Basically, I'm pretty sure that something isn't right. The trouble is, it's quite difficult to quantify, and also comes and goes quite a lot, so it's just really hard to pin down. Logically, this seems to strongly suggest that there's nothing wrong at all. But it doesn't explain why I'm still convinced there is. If possible, I'd like to hear some other opinions, since when I try to figure it out I end up getting confused and cross with myself, and not really achieving anything.

For the sake of this explanation, I'm going to make the assumption that there is a 'thing', since that makes it less complicated.

I can say that there are physical signs, which I think accounts for something, although I'm not sure they are regular enough to be significant.
- Screaming/shouting/panicking in the middle of the night. This has been happening for as long as I can remember. Often I don't remember it myself, I'm just told the next day. My estimate is that this occurs around every week/fortnight.
- Irrational fears. I was scared of trains for a while. This went away recently, but seems to be coming back a bit. I was pretty tense on the train yesterday. I have also been scared of planes, and am trying not to get a fear of driving, since I got my car relatively recently, and actually quite enjoy it when I don't have annoying intrusive fears about it.
- Panicking about being unwell. In the past year or so, there have been a number of occasions where I have worked myself up into believing I have a terrible disease, and been to the doctor only to be told there is nothing wrong. That is also quite unpleasant, and I think the worst thing. Especially since it's usually coupled with lots of intrusive thoughts about death, and I find it really hard to bring myself out of it.
- Biting my nails. Again, this has been happening since I was in Primary school. As a Vet Student, I really don't want to be doing this, but apparently going through the diseases that the cat I just stroked might have isn't enough to stop. Over half of the time, every day.
- injuring myself. This is also every day. It happens in lectures, when I'm anxious or tired, at home. I don't have the nails to cause too much damage, but it makes me feel really disgusting when I think about it. I have recently bought a flicky chain for lectures, which seems to help a little if I make a conscious effort to use it.
- Gagging. This hasn't come up properly for a while, but was significant last year. I went to the doctor's to confirm it wasn't a physical problem, but I still gag occasional when I'm anxious.
- Chest pains. These are scary. Luckily, they don't happen very often (they started a couple of months ago, and have only been bad about 5 or 6 times since). I can be quite confident they aren't caused by physical problems, since they aren't there when I'm enjoying myself exercising.
- Ringing ear. I haven't actually been to a doctor about this, but I've been quite a lot recently so don't want to go again. I think this is most likely linked to the fact I clench my jaw when I'm asleep, since my hearing is still fine. I currently have a sore joint from that, which supports this. It bothers me when I'm on my own, especially in my bedroom.

Often I just don't feel quite right. When it is a bad few days, it's hard to trust my emotions because I can respond completely differently to the same thing, and sometimes it feels like I'm going mad. I sometimes get paranoid that people are talking about me behind my back, or secretly hate me. At the moment, I seem to want to avoid my housemates at all costs, but I can't figure out why.

Earlier this year, I had two sessions with the counsellor at University. She suggested that I go to a doctor about my problems. When I went to the doctor, she recommended I join the NHS Wellbeing service and also suggested anti-anxiety medication. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, so decided to think about it. I have had a few seasons with the well-being service, but I don't think it is going well. Every phone call is just going through various checklists, and I feel like I just spend the time trying to justify using them in the first place. Things were a little better last week- my exams were over and I had a few things to look forward to (I also had the motivation to tidy my room and generally organise myself for the first time in a long time!), So they have decided everything is now fine. When I asked if they thought there was anything wrong, they avoided the question, and told me that 'sometimes people feel they need to talk to someone' (translation: no there isn't anything wrong, but I can't just turn you away) which has made me doubt everything even more. Unfortunately, I know that it's already getting worse again, and it's been going on for long enough to recognise the pattern of coming and going.

The question is- is there even a thing at all? Does everyone actually feel like this, and just deal with it better than I do? Am I just being stupid?

I would really appreciate any insights, because I just feel like I need some sort of answer/explanation but I have no idea how to get one.
 
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R

Ramson bangers

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#2
You are not being stupid. Would the idea though that atleast some of these things are unimportant. Help you to cope better? Its good to identify things that might indicate a problem. But for example biting your nails or having fears like this are quite common. Not saying they arent ways of coping with or signs of anxiety. But the question is , is their a significant problem? And its an important question as it may determine whether you are put on drugs or not, or be classed as someone with mental health problems which can have drastic changes to your life.
More importantly you do belong here. You have a mental like everyone and you must keep it in good health,
Best regards
 
R

Ramson bangers

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#3
I guess i should say this too. Absolutely everyone has problems. Ignoring particular ones is a perfectly valid response to avoid worrying and spiralling even further into anxiety.
Thats just my opinion, you cant ignore your mental health but you can look after it by not adding too much pressure.
I hope this helps
 
N

NotALlama

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May 23, 2019
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England
#4
Hi, thank you so much for your response! It's definitely worth thinking about. This is a really stupid question, but what would you say makes a significant problem? For example, I've never really been too fussed about the nail biting but I have done more than that at times and it's only recently that it's occurred to me that it's quite a significant infection risk.I think I struggle a bit because these things aren't permanent, so when I'm feeling something odd like a fear of something it's different to the rational fears I have, and I know that I could be in exactly the same situation a week later and have a totally different emotional response to it. Is that normal?
Thank you again for responding, I hope you don't mind me asking this!
 
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R

Ramson bangers

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#5
To be honest everyone has thier own ways of looking at it. I also bite my nails really far down, its a habit also. But im not too worried about infection. More that i might swallow a nail and cause stomach problems.
To answer your question i think it depends, i mean, what is normal? A person without worries and everything else? I dont believe so. Feeling abnormal is normal.
I cant make judgement as to when is right to make decisions or seek help. I did it as a last resort, infact something made it easy for me to.
Just remember you can come here and ask anything you wish to help you along the way, there are way more insightful people here than me.
Have a great weekend.
 
megirl

megirl

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#7
Yes it sounds anxiety and the panic symptoms are serious indeed you need to see a doctor as soon as you can
 
M

Musicandtvlover

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#9
Hey,

Seems to me like some kind of generalized anxiety. I would seek some form of counseling to get to the root of the issues. Don't let it go untreated as these kind of things can build up and get worse! I have experience of generalized anxiety disorder. It can manifest in many different ways. It's very strange aswell because it can be constant or it can appear in extremes for a period and then fade away for a while before coming back. I think it has to do with the circumstances of your life at a certain time. Try to eliminate any stress. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Meditation, healthy eating, exercise, talk about your feelings, seek help from a professional (all of which you have probably already been told) I can't really give you any more advice because my GP is rubbish and would just prescribe medication or talking therapy but those haven't been helpful. Please continue your studies and focus on that anything else positive in your life. From my own experience worrying makes it worse so try to get help wherever you can. Good luck
 

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