Hi I'm new

[LionAngel29]

Hi I'm LionAngel, 31 year old woman, unsocialised and a bit shy. I have been looking for friendship forums for quite some time and they have been unsuccessful. I had a friend who is mentally ill and she has stopped talking to everyone including me (except her parents), she was my only friend and now I'm not talking to anyone much. I've had a Neurotic personality disorder, Chronic Depressive illness and mental impairment since about the age of 2 and they worsened by age 14 or so, I had a breakdown at age 11 and had various mental health treatment since 12. I was molested at age 2 and bullied long-term from about 3, I took up self-injuring at 13 and been a bit Schizophrenic since about 9 and when I turned 30, I had another breakdown and developed a paranoid psychosis, in the early stages of Schizophrenia. Most of my problems when young were caused by brain damage the abuse, bullying and accidents (I'm accident prone and also the people bullying me sometimes gave me a head injury). At 30, I fell out with the neighbours big time, one who was living there went round to the neighbours the other side while I was in my garden the other side of the fence (and the fence has holes in it), told them about my abuse using my name and someone else's, after that my paranoia developed and I just blew my top. Which only made it worse, no doubt, the stopped for some months and took it up again last October (taunting me cause they know I'm mentally disabled and don't work). Anyway, I'd like to socialise with people like me being as usually people not like me treat me bad if that is possible at all. Thankyou, LionAngel29

 

[keepsafe]

to the forum - you sound like you have been through an awful lot - hope you find it supportive and helpful here

KS

 

[LionAngel29]

Hi!

Hi KeepSafe thanks for replying, I've not been feeling good today. My mum is exhausted with my problems (she's my carer) and needs a holiday or day trips to get back on her feet again. I was so stressed about my problems and the neighbours I broke the plastic window in one of our doors (which it needed replacing anyway) but I swore at mum too and I don't normally swear at her. She and my brother think I'm just paranoid that the neighbours are having a go at me, when I go on stelazine and procyclodine they stop me sleeping and they don't stop what goes on outside my house. I went on olanzapine, it stopped me sleeping too, I had pains all over and put on loads of weight, about 3 stones in about 3 months and the voices and noises didn't stop. I'm now on hydroxezine and amitrip, because after taking those pills I hadn't been able to sleep and have been more sensitive to caffeine - which also can stop me sleeping with just half a glass of diet coke. So I decided to try to get used to it by drinking a bit more lately and it didn't seem to affect me this time, thank God. Tho I have been staying up into the early hours to watch what goes on in the garden at that time, I'm really sure I heard the neighbours in the garden and one time (with the curtains slightly open a crack), I was sure I saw someone moving around in a white shirt. Mum and my brother doesn't believe me, no one does. I heard the man next door before this with his windows open saying that 'one of them is going to die' and I thought he meant my 2 bunnies outside, so I've kept 1 in and put more mesh over the other hutch to stop them opening the door and the other 1 to the bedroom compartment, the bolt's broken so they'd need a tool to open it. I'm worried they're going to kill them or leave the door open. So I've been taking my tablets again and sleeping out the back of the house with the curtains wide open, this relaxes me cause I'll be able to see and hear them. I feel like I'm going mad. The neighbour isn't happy about getting the fence fixed. It nearly colapsed the first time he was picking on me, the second time it colapsed and my mum had a word he moaned the whole time and his son gave me a load of mouth outside the front of the house. At that time I wasn't staying in my room I kept going all round the house to get away cause all I'd get is abuse screamed at me all down the side of the house and the front. This time the fence has completely colapsed up the top and he's not happy about getting it fixed, he leaves his gate open in his garden and we have 2 dogs which he doesn't care. So many things keep happening I can't help but get so paranoid and stressed. I've tried with CCTV, 1 I can't find the right equipment, can't affor it anyway and 2 no one will put anything I have inc. lights up outside. This is why I got a puppy because the old dog is deaf now and I wanted my own dog as I wasn't having rabbits anymore. Xmas '08, they really got to me and I became hysterical, while they enjoyed it and my brother finds this embarassing. I've tried Neighbours From Hell In Britain but I came across a technical fault with the username and password. My mum's talking about getting me back on anti-psychotics and I don't want them. I'm alright on these sleeping pills and the others only mask my problems for a time anyway. I don't know what else to do.

LionAngel29