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snowboarder82

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Feb 16, 2008
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Hi all, Dont really know what to say here but here goes, I've come to this site after having it recommended on the bbc health site.

I currently live with my girlfriend who has recently been advised she is suffering from depression through work related issues.

She was perscribed anti depressants about 3 weeks ago which she has not started taking, there always seems to be a reason to start them tomorrow.

The main reason why I'm writing on here is that I feel lost as the partner. I'm not sure how well I'm coping, over the past few weeks I've been having thoughts of being trapped in the relationship I love her to bits and dont want to leave but not sure where these feelings come from, everything I do is wrong and I'm not to sure what to do to help.

I can see light at the end of the tunel but she cant and I sometimes find this hard to grasp. I feel awful and selfish writing this when I should be looking out for her and standing by her....is there anyone else who has been in this situaton or could suggest some ways in which I can help elevate the way shes feeling. I want my girlfriend back.

Sorry this is a long post.

Barny
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Dec 18, 2007
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Hello and :welcome: Barny

" us " as the carer is always hard as we feel helpless as to what to do . But by being there ,listening and supporting her you are doing some good.

May i ask why she won't take the meds?
Would you be able to get her to join here too ?

Keep us posted .
 
S

snowboarder82

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Thanks for the quickrepsond. I hate feeling like this but wasnt sure what else to do. She was given the meds about 3 weeks ago, but at first was unsure because of the stigma attached then as I and the Dr explained if she had a infection she'd take antibiotics without protest which turned her around.

She was given them before her birthday, doc told her she may feel worse for a week or so which in turn made her decide she wanted to have a nice b-day and didnt start them, then she was offered an interview for a new job which was a bright light and I sae a real improvement in her mood lifted generally happier, but then didnt want the meds to hinder the interview. Every time I mention starting them she sees it as a controlling thing which is far from hw I am and wantg to be.

I'm 25, we have been living together for a yr and I sometimes feel with this I am out of my depth as have always previously lived at home and had my parents to fall back on, which is hard to do now as she wants to keep it secret about her depression.

Sorry for long post again, finding it quite liberating if thats the right word to get it off my chest.
 
sandybob

sandybob

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hi barny :welcome: to here ...

i can sort of undrstand her reluctance to take the meds .. but like you said, its no different to taking an anti biotic for an infection, or painkillers for pain ... the quicker she starts them , the quicker she could start to feel better (although they do take a little while to kick in) you'll both need to be patient and persevere through the possible side effects and she should keep in regular touch with her gp for reassurance.

its difficult for you cos you can't force to do anything she's not ready to do ... but just you being there is a help .. (wotever she might say or make you feel )...

good luck

sandy x:hug:
 
daffy

daffy

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It can be very stressful on other having to look after someone that is depressed. The other thing may be to check with the GPs surgery if they can suggest any support groups for yourself.

Take care
 
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Dollit

Guest
Hi Barny - glad to see you made it over here. It's a good place and we will support you. Part of depression is not being able to see that if things get a little worse for a while (side effects for example) then the pay off is usually good. It's hard to see ahead into a future that you don't really believe exists. Anyway this is about you and how we can help you so, :welcome: we're always open. :tea:
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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Mate, the very fact you fill your Saturday trying to find support for you and your GF shows you're not a quitter. I'm guessing that she has been feeling off colour for a while, and you've been by her side; you say you've only been together for a year, so that shows a real commitment from you.

If the pressure is work related stress, it will probably be physically effecting her mind; stress leads to shrunken synapses, which gives symptoms very similar to depression, unable to sleep, then sleeping too much, finding it hard to motivate etc.

This might seem a daft suggestion but is there any way she could get some time off work, perhaps while she gets used to the meds? Perhaps giving a break a go might help? I don't know somewhere for her to recharge at home or abroad?

And of course :welcome:
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Hi there snowboarder82 and :welcome:

It sounds like your girlfriend needs to realise that taking anti-depressants makes her part of a very large gang indeed. There is not the same stigma today as there was, and having depression does not mean you are mad.

If she doesn't want the meds she could try St John's Wort. It's just a herb which people claim is very useful for mild to moderate depression.

Well done you for being so caring, I dearly wish my partner could summon enough interest in my illness to get on the web and meet fellow carers. It has taken him more than a decade to acknowledge that I have an illness.

As mentioned before, suggesting your girlfriend check out this forum could be a good idea, and it's also a good place for you to get in touch with other carers and get some support of your own.

Good luck :D
Love & Light :hug:
 
Aahbut

Aahbut

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Hi Barny,

I know initially when depression was mentioned to me I was adamant I didn't have it. Of course I did, and I knew it. There is no way you can make your girlfriend take the pills, and whatever you do don't even try. When you are depressed one of the first things out of the window is common sense, and the sufferer just wants to hide away from everyone. It is not that she does not want you, depression totally consumes your very being and sucks you into your own private hell. Be there for her, casually suggest the medication might help, but don't push it.

Tim.
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

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Same here Aahbutt, I refused to believe for some 3 or 4 years that I needed the medication I was prescribed. Even after 3 hospital stays.
It's hard to take, it makes you feel flawed, which just adds to the depression. Unfortunately, it was the misery I saw myself causing in those around me that convinced me to just take the damn meds. Yaknow what? Its been almost 3 years since I was hospitalized (y'all call it sectioning, right?), I am going to school next week and am happier then Ive been in a long time.
Your support will mean a lot to her, as my wifes did to me. Stay strong.:hug:
 
S

snowboarder82

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Feb 16, 2008
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Hi all, sorry I have not been around the site much this week to thankyou for replying.
We have had a massive turn around since the weekend, I told my girlfriend that I'd been posting on here with the hope she may join me, unfourtunatly she didnt take it to well and saw it as me being secretive after 'discussions' on Sunday morning I showed her the site and what I had written ending up with me breaking down and crying (the metrosexual that I am lol). We talked and she was able to see how I was feeling . . . after talking we both agreed we would get through this together and slowly work towards seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. After talking she told me how she wants to take the meds but was scared and didnt want anything to happen to her.
After a bit more talking we went out for some Sunday lunch to recover from our emotional morning.

Before bed my girlfriend decided to start the meds much to my relief and has been on them since, been feeling very down the last couple of days tho but thats to be expected I read.
She had a Docs appointment today to check how she was getting on with the meds we obviously told him everything and came out with a smile on both our faces her because he was real nice and reassuring even tho she'd 'slipped' lower and me because she was smiling.

Again sorry for the long post, I'm going to keep posting on here as I feel its helping me to cope with things. Hope to make new mates here and hopfully once me and my girlfriend finish our journey help others with advice on how to complete theirs.

Barns
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

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Sounds like things are going a bit better. Well done you and your Mrs!!! :)
 
D

Dollit

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Brilliant - it's not going to be plain sailing but at least you're on the right track now! We're always here for you. :hug::hug: (one for each of you)
 
yodel

yodel

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Hi Barny :)

Glad to hear you and your GF have worked together and been honest with each other. It's not wrong for you to be emotive on the subject, it shows real commitment. I hope your GF is on the road to full recovery, it sounds has if this is just a blip she is going through. I agree with Rorschach about having a break. It could be good for both of you. :tea:

yodel :grouphug:
 
Ashami

Ashami

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Hey Barney

Well done you :clap::clap::clap: for having the courage to show your GF your forum chat. It sounds like it developed into a very worthwhile, if heavy, talk.

Keep coming back here mate. You never know, your GF may feel like joining you here later on and we would love to meet her if she does. :D

May your life be littered with blessings :sorcerer:
 
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