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elliejam

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
USA
Hi,

I'm a mom to a 3 year old. I've been in an unhappy marriage for 4 years now. I have a full time job. I've been a long time sufferer of depression. But my everlasting mood changes, make me feel like there's something else wrong with me. I have terrible anxiety to the point of body shakes and I have trouble breathing. When I fight with my husband, I tend to get violent and lash out. I obsess with mundane things way too much and their are my occasional good moments when I feel things are great and the next, I want to crawl in a ditch. This has affected how I am as a mom and I feel like the world's shittiest person sometimes. I know some of the causes of my feeling anxious, angry and upset are my marriage. I want to leave but again I get so anxious at the thought of it, I can't go through with it. I don't even feel like I have support from family as they want me to fix my marriage for the sake of my kid. I thought I could find someone who'd share some insight.

Thanks, Ells
 
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aisha23

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
710
Location
UK
nice to meet you ells.

I am aisha

welcome to the forum!
 
Catty5

Catty5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
798
Location
USA
Hello
Welcome🤗
Hope you find support and help here.
I have depression
Depression and anxiety are best friends😱
 
S

Subota999

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
88
Location
US
:welcome:
Well...I'm not a parent but just two years ago we were finally able to get away from a bad marriage. I have many reasons that were holding me back from leaving on my own (I am 20) and it was my entire life my mom was in a bad marriage, it effected me tremendously. And they didn't even fight like how you described..I am just saying to me, that sounds like it could be more detrimental for a kid than divorced parents...it really depends on the specifics of why it's not working but you said you want to leave again...I understand being anxious at the thought of it though :sorry:
 
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elliejam

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
USA
Hello
Welcome🤗
Hope you find support and help here.
I have depression
Depression and anxiety are best friends😱
Thank you Catty5! It's not easy living with it, hope you are doing okay. And yes depression and anxiety go hand in hand unfortunately... :unsure:
 
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elliejam

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
USA
:welcome:
Well...I'm not a parent but just two years ago we were finally able to get away from a bad marriage. I have many reasons that were holding me back from leaving on my own (I am 20) and it was my entire life my mom was in a bad marriage, it effected me tremendously. And they didn't even fight like how you described..I am just saying to me, that sounds like it could be more detrimental for a kid than divorced parents...it really depends on the specifics of why it's not working but you said you want to leave again...I understand being anxious at the thought of it though :sorry:
Thank you sm Subota999 for sharing this with me. I know staying in a bad marriage for the the sake of the child does more harm than good. We have issues with trust and my mental health. Without badmouthing him, I don't think we are compatible.
 
Catty5

Catty5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
798
Location
USA
Thank you Catty5! It's not easy living with it, hope you are doing okay. And yes depression and anxiety go hand in hand unfortunately... :unsure:
I’m working at “mental health” (off work due to depression now😭). Depression and anxiety love each other so badly.

And you have lots of stressors....young kid, unhappy marriage and full time job. You should be super busy everyday. You probably have no time for yourself. I imagine how tired you are. I hope you have a help.
 
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Subota999

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
88
Location
US
Have you tried marriage counseling before? Or I'm sure there are some therapists who are experienced in the whole process of trying to leave a bad marriage? I think you need more support aside from your family, who think you should just "fix it" :( It sounds like you have your mind made up deep down...
 
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elliejam

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
USA
I’m working at “mental health” (off work due to depression now😭). Depression and anxiety love each other so badly.

And you have lots of stressors....young kid, unhappy marriage and full time job. You should be super busy everyday. You probably have no time for yourself. I imagine how tired you are. I hope you have a help.
Sorry to hear that, at least take this time to self reflect and hope you are taking medication or holistic approaches to better your mental health. :)

Yeah, thank you. I have all these things going on, it gets overwhelming. Worse when I have no energy to do every day tasks.
 
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elliejam

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
USA
Have you tried marriage counseling before? Or I'm sure there are some therapists who are experienced in the whole process of trying to leave a bad marriage? I think you need more support aside from your family, who think you should just "fix it" :( It sounds like you have your mind made up deep down...
I want to see a therapist. My old one is only available during work hours and it's difficult to get days off. :/ But, yes I have my mind made up. For my mental health I need to end this marriage or I fear I will go crazy.
 
Catty5

Catty5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
798
Location
USA
Sorry to hear that, at least take this time to self reflect and hope you are taking medication or holistic approaches to better your mental health. :)

Yeah, thank you. I have all these things going on, it gets overwhelming. Worse when I have no energy to do every day tasks.
Thank you. I’m on med and TMS right now. I want to go back to work.

Please seek a professional help. Therapy will help you organize your thought and vent your pent up feelings and emotions. We have resources to give to our clients. You also can find other tesources through 211. Please take care of yourself too !!!!!
 
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elliejam

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
16
Location
USA
Thank you. I’m on med and TMS right now. I want to go back to work.

Please seek a professional help. Therapy will help you organize your thought and vent your pent up feelings and emotions. We have resources to give to our clients. You also can find other tesources through 211. Please take care of yourself too !!!!!
Oh that's good. Hope you're able to go back to work soon. Thank you, I definitely intend to. That way I can understand fully, on what's wrong with me. And will do! :)
 
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