T
Thumbelina
Active member
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2008
- Messages
- 34
I came across this forum and have related to a lot of the feelings that are being described.
I'll try to summarise my story.
I am in my mid forties and first became aware of feeling insecure and depressed at 16yrs old. In the intervening 30 years, I have attended counsellors, psychologists, a psychiatrist,(who diagnosed clincal depression) been on and off antidepressants throughout, read dozens of self help books and attended many workshops and courses to try to help myself.
I have had hypnoptherapy for anxiety, done inner child work, regression therapy,meditation and reiki.
I know that I have learnt so much and have improved tremendously in many ways but I am still plagued by recurrence of depression and feelings of fear.
I hope others can relate to this but I am pretty certain that as a young child I was frightened in some way and that part of me is trying to be heard. Medication and keeping going with my busy life doesn't seem to be the answer.
I am trying not to be isolated with this and this is a particularly bad time as i am struggling with bouts of severe depression and suicidal thoughts, but I refuse to go back round the cycle of taking increased antidepressants and beta blockers to dull the symptoms.
I am off work and am considering taking an long extended break to allow myself some real space.
I have a professional career and it is an enormous step for my ego to put that on the back burner for a while.It is so against our culture to stop work for self development- I am battling feelings of being lazy, guilt and that I'm losing the plot.
It is a huge dilemna for me.
I have experienced recent episodes of frightening rage- which can be triggered when I hear someone making a certain swallowing sound.
I feel gripped by a demon that wants to become very violent- I have managed to keep it under control but it is unbearable to supress.I have body reactions to certain things but no memories attached.
I feel quite anxious typing this as if I am opening myself up to being exposed and for hearing criticism but I also want to share what's going on. It is always so good to hear if others feel the same way and understand!
Thanks for "listening!":unsure
I'll try to summarise my story.
I am in my mid forties and first became aware of feeling insecure and depressed at 16yrs old. In the intervening 30 years, I have attended counsellors, psychologists, a psychiatrist,(who diagnosed clincal depression) been on and off antidepressants throughout, read dozens of self help books and attended many workshops and courses to try to help myself.
I have had hypnoptherapy for anxiety, done inner child work, regression therapy,meditation and reiki.
I know that I have learnt so much and have improved tremendously in many ways but I am still plagued by recurrence of depression and feelings of fear.
I hope others can relate to this but I am pretty certain that as a young child I was frightened in some way and that part of me is trying to be heard. Medication and keeping going with my busy life doesn't seem to be the answer.
I am trying not to be isolated with this and this is a particularly bad time as i am struggling with bouts of severe depression and suicidal thoughts, but I refuse to go back round the cycle of taking increased antidepressants and beta blockers to dull the symptoms.
I am off work and am considering taking an long extended break to allow myself some real space.
I have a professional career and it is an enormous step for my ego to put that on the back burner for a while.It is so against our culture to stop work for self development- I am battling feelings of being lazy, guilt and that I'm losing the plot.
It is a huge dilemna for me.
I have experienced recent episodes of frightening rage- which can be triggered when I hear someone making a certain swallowing sound.
I feel gripped by a demon that wants to become very violent- I have managed to keep it under control but it is unbearable to supress.I have body reactions to certain things but no memories attached.
I feel quite anxious typing this as if I am opening myself up to being exposed and for hearing criticism but I also want to share what's going on. It is always so good to hear if others feel the same way and understand!
Thanks for "listening!":unsure