Hi I'm new today

[nicros]

Hi, I am new today and am a full time mum, married 40 years old with kids aged 6 &8. I am animal mad and find that they help my anxiety alot. Have suffered fro GAD for a few years. I was diagnosed after post natal depression but lost my mum suddenly at the age of 18 and I've never felt totally complete since then, I think a peice of me will always be missing. Have ups and downs but going through a very stressfull year this yaer and still keeping my head above water just!

 

[ms_P]

Hello Nicros and welcome. You've come to the right place to find very caring, understanding people, and there's so much info to be found here as well.
Take care.

 

[margarete1967]

Hello Nicros and welcome.
I am also suffering badly at the mo with bad anxiety and this makes me feel guilty especially since I have not posted for ages.
I am trying to get back into the swing of things so feel free to talk.

 

[nicros]

thanks

Thanks for your replies, I have posted something on this forum about obsessive feelings but not sure it is in the right bit?

 

[Dollit]

Hi and welcome - don't worry about posting in the wrong bit because we can always move stuff if it is!

 

[Libra1]

Hi nicro and to MHF, very friendly and supportive safe place to be

 

[jamesdean]

Hi n heres a from me to start you off

 

[honeyquince]

Hi nicros, welcome to the forum. It's a great place to just hang out and I hope that you find it a help in many ways.

Snap - I too am 40 with two kids of similar age and lost my mum when I was 17. Strange... but then not suprising as that sort of stuff would haunt anyone and have consequences in later life - it certainly has with me. Anyway, good to have you here and I look forward to seeing your posts when you feel comfortable.

 

[nicros]

Hi thanks for that, if you don't mind me asking how has it affected you? do you feel like a part of you will always be missing? Its hard when we achieve too as everything I have done has been since my mums death, I wish she could have seen the kids. I also find that because I don't have my mum,that I mother everyone instead and as I've mentioned before keep getting animals to take care of to fill that need. I also have a great fear of anyone dying or being ill and I'm terrified of hospitals, Nicola

 

[mad as a hatter]

i,m the same about my mum she died nrly 3 yrs ago i,m in my late 30,s and it,s affected me badly that now i can,t copw with people bein ill or dying i,ve been in hospital twice in recent yrs cause it all i,ve never properly grieved well not at all for her i,ve kept it all inside i,ve tried 2 kill myself twice in recent wks cause i can,t seem 2 cope with it all i don,t know what 2 do with it all it,s so hard 2 deal with at times

 

[honeyquince]

Hi Nicola,

I think it's affected me in all sorts of awfull ways - too many to even think of but I think I agree that there is part of me that was lost back then and since then I've tried to fill it with achievements that I think she would be proud of me for. I accept at a logical level that this is totally skewed but at an emotional level I'm always trying to make my mum proud of me. When things started to stall in my life a few years ago I started the long slide into depression.

Mad as a Hatter - I too internalised my grief not sharing my mothers illness with any school friends and having no emotional support from members of my family - it's all part of the lovely mix up that I'm in now. Don't know what the way out is yet, well I know one way out as you do but I can't do that because I love my family too much to do that too them, I think.

 

[nicros]

sorry I didn't reply earlier have had kids off full of cold so too busy to go online. Yes I feel the same, some days are too much but I too know how my kids would feel loosing me as I've been there myself so I could never put them through that, Also I really believe that mum is watching over me as too many things I cannot explain have happened and I know I could never let her down by not trying my best each day to take care of everyone as that is the last thing she said to me to do, and know that when I do finally join her she will be so proud of me. Now I know that may sound strange but that is honestly the main thing that keeps me going and trying every day. Nicola

 

[honeyquince]

Hi Nicola,

Nothing sounds strange to me anymore. You take strength from having your mum looking over you... you need to take strength from anywhere you can find it!

I have to say that I'm a bit jealous of you having that sense of your mum being presant. My memories have just gradually faded over the years so that I feel there is very little left now. I think this has been made worse because, I think one of my coping strategies was to package away all of my memories of my mum so the memories I did have were on the negative side (it's easier to cope with grief if you've lost all of the positive, loving feelings and memories isn't it!). I think it's only now that I'm finally allowing myself to grieve but hopefully if I get through this then I'm hoping I will be able to retrieve my memories. You have to hope don't you.

 

[nicros]

I know how you feel, it has been 22years since my mum died and I only started to grieve properly recently when I had bereavement counselling for the death of a friend from cancer earlier this year and the sudden death of another close friend 2 years ago. I found that I had too many bottled up feelings and was becoming so insular I was tucking myself away on the computer all day looking at animal rescue sites trying to make myself feel better by adopting a helpless creature that I felt 'I could help' as I couldn't have helped my friends anymore than I did and they both died.
I talked alot about my mum but I don't remember much about her personality really other than she was always happy and got on with things no matter how ill she felt, which I have learned from my Dad recently that she too suffered from GAD. Wish I could have talked to her about it!