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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hi I'm new here and have suffered depression since early 90's

D

Deano_69

New member
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Kent
Hi I'm Deano 51 year old male and I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety issues since early 90's, I can go short periods when things are OK in my life but mostly just can't get sorted out, no GP's really give you more than a few mins and always prescribe antidepressants before anything else..

I been on far too many to remember all the names but last prescribed was sertraline, from the first day taken I had nightmares, kept being woken by voices that sounded real right next to my ear, had nausea palpitations and just felt worse with them my sleep was great before these and I just thought no I cannot bare the side effects which are worse than you are trying to solve and this has been the case for all others.

Since lockdowns have come I have been struggling to cope as part of my coping mechanisms are my hobbies which I cant really do right now so losing interest in the hobbies now themselves, I live with my long term partner and youngest child 9 who himself has severe ADHD @ Autism and that is hard work too especially now his school routine is gone, things got so bad last year I was driving to a known spot to just end my life as I couldn't take any more but during the drive I was a mile away from where I planned my exit only to get stopped by Police and then shortly after an ambulance the officer called due to my state.

They took me to hospital and went through a thousand questions then said if you promise to go home you can go so of course I said OK I promise and just like that they let me go, and walking back to car I had time to think about my partner and son that would of been devastated so I did just calm down and go home but I never told her where I had been and after some time it got impossible to tell her so I left it at that.

Now lockdown 3 is ongoing nothings changed I hate my job, am very depressed and anxious about everything money, Bills, work, etc just my miserable life in general and the restrictions on my life are unbearable which probably are to most people but mental health sufferers have a real hard time and my mind is always ticking over at break neck speed worrying about everything and now just thinking negative thoughts again looking desperately for a way out and even seeing GP is impossible but a call back I requested was practice nurse so I couldn't even speak about my issues at all.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
6,045
Location
Sheffiield
I'm glad you're ok Deano and chose not to end things, I sadly can't relate to much of what you've told us, all I know is what it's like to hear voices that sound like the ones you described. Once I experienced my mothers voice call my name into my ear and another of a young girl but I can't remember what she said, it was just a few words. I also had nightmares, nausea and palpitations.

I'm on Sertraline but also two anti-psychotics but that was due to experiencing psychosis back in 2016 and for me the voices never stopped but is now a male voice that never shuts up so the meds help me cope with that.

I think everyone here can relate to the lockdown we find ourselves in for the third time and you have my most sincere sympathies, I too would like to resume hobbies which in my case is playing pool on a Friday night with friends and I have a men's mental health group that I attend and I'm hoping will resume at some point.

I don't suppose you've heard of Andy's Man Club? They are like my men's mental health group but are more widespread, perhaps they have a chapter in your area or you can see if they have online groups if you're not in their catchment area.


I would also like to give you the number for the Samaritans should you ever feel like talking to someone over the phone (116 123), one of the gents from my men's group has nothing but the highest of praise for them and was even featured on their website.


But I also hope you can use the forums for support. Please take good care of yourself.
 
D

Deano_69

New member
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Kent
Thanks for comments, I am on propranolol now which works well for anxiety palpitations and no nasty side effects just cold fingers and toes in the beginning like the side effect leaflet said but this was short lived and not a big deal.
I have a few numbers here for desperate times so thanks guy's I am just about ticking over currently but feel at times from different organisations we are very much on our own and I always said it takes a sufferer to understand what we go through, not to say a trained metal health cant help and understand but no disrespect to them they do not get what is like unless they have been there.
I feel now in lockdown that understandably their main issue is the virus but that leaves millions that suffer these and many other issues often go un heard and have to go through it alone.
I had stomach ulcers back in 1994 and had many types of medication to sort that out thankfully not surgery but I decided to give up drinking then and have gone almost 27 years without 1 drop not even a glass of wine until October 2020 where I bought a couple of bottles after a stressful day and before I knew it I have been drinking fairly heavy everyday since and find it helps to take the edge off my misery.
Finances have always in my mind been the main cause of my issues worrying about rent, bills etc but 20 odd years ago my earnings at 1 company were 3 times my current earnings but now I essentially do 3 skilled jobs in 1 and earn barely enough to keep on top of things, and I do a 60 + hour working week but only get paid for 40 hours the rest is travelling time and a 60 mile round trip to London and I just can't do it much longer.
I just feel like one of life's losers skimping and scraping to get by and recently I have really got aggressive with people who talk down to you where as before I was quiet, and withdrawn and took all kinds of bullying mostly from horrible employers etc and I thought no more so I am now the opposite and give as good as I get I know my rights and I don't need to take anyone's verbal abuse and bullying its happened since my school days.
I just feel my whole life has been a joke and a nightmare where one day I will wake up and it was all a dream but No its real and it is a very miserable existence.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
Joined
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Messages
6,045
Location
Sheffiield
I wish I knew what to say, all I am is a voice hearer, yes I have my problems but nothing like yours.

Is there anything you can do to find another job more local and gives more satisfaction? I know that's easier said than done but these days there's a dozen or more websites that can help you find another job.

You could try and tackle one issue at a time, maybe cut down on the drinking a little as it may be effecting your mental health in a negative way, not only can it make depression worse I'm also talking about you getting aggressive with people lately, that may be due to alcohol too.

I still think you should consider calling someone, either the Samaritans or Calm (0800 58 58 58 between 5pm and midnight 7 days a week) as these people will have heard it all before and may have been through things themselves so know what they're talking about which is more than I can say for myself. Better to reach out before things get any worse, there's nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Your GP is always another option, they could sign you off work for a week or two if you feel the need to take a little time off.

I really wish I could be of more help, if there's anything I can do please let me know other than me being a sympathetic ear for you.

Here's the Calm website...

 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
885
Hi I'm Deano 51 year old male and I have suffered with severe depression and anxiety issues since early 90's, I can go short periods when things are OK in my life but mostly just can't get sorted out, no GP's really give you more than a few mins and always prescribe antidepressants before anything else..

I been on far too many to remember all the names but last prescribed was sertraline, from the first day taken I had nightmares, kept being woken by voices that sounded real right next to my ear, had nausea palpitations and just felt worse with them my sleep was great before these and I just thought no I cannot bare the side effects which are worse than you are trying to solve and this has been the case for all others.

Since lockdowns have come I have been struggling to cope as part of my coping mechanisms are my hobbies which I cant really do right now so losing interest in the hobbies now themselves, I live with my long term partner and youngest child 9 who himself has severe ADHD @ Autism and that is hard work too especially now his school routine is gone, things got so bad last year I was driving to a known spot to just end my life as I couldn't take any more but during the drive I was a mile away from where I planned my exit only to get stopped by Police and then shortly after an ambulance the officer called due to my state.

They took me to hospital and went through a thousand questions then said if you promise to go home you can go so of course I said OK I promise and just like that they let me go, and walking back to car I had time to think about my partner and son that would of been devastated so I did just calm down and go home but I never told her where I had been and after some time it got impossible to tell her so I left it at that.

Now lockdown 3 is ongoing nothings changed I hate my job, am very depressed and anxious about everything money, Bills, work, etc just my miserable life in general and the restrictions on my life are unbearable which probably are to most people but mental health sufferers have a real hard time and my mind is always ticking over at break neck speed worrying about everything and now just thinking negative thoughts again looking desperately for a way out and even seeing GP is impossible but a call back I requested was practice nurse so I couldn't even speak about my issues at all.
@Deano.....you seriously need to get yourself admitted to a psych hospital and get some TLC ......i used to have severe depression so i understand how tough it is.....but sucide is never the answer, it destroys those left behind

have you ever thought of getting yourself some disability payment from the govt
 
D

Deano_69

New member
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Kent
@Deano.....you seriously need to get yourself admitted to a psych hospital and get some TLC ......i used to have severe depression so i understand how tough it is.....but sucide is never the answer, it destroys those left behind

have you ever thought of getting yourself some disability payment from the govt
have spoken to GP today and things put in place for various tests and assessments etc so hopefully will hear from someone soon
 
D

Deano_69

New member
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Kent
I wish I knew what to say, all I am is a voice hearer, yes I have my problems but nothing like yours.

Is there anything you can do to find another job more local and gives more satisfaction? I know that's easier said than done but these days there's a dozen or more websites that can help you find another job.

You could try and tackle one issue at a time, maybe cut down on the drinking a little as it may be effecting your mental health in a negative way, not only can it make depression worse I'm also talking about you getting aggressive with people lately, that may be due to alcohol too.

I still think you should consider calling someone, either the Samaritans or Calm (0800 58 58 58 between 5pm and midnight 7 days a week) as these people will have heard it all before and may have been through things themselves so know what they're talking about which is more than I can say for myself. Better to reach out before things get any worse, there's nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Your GP is always another option, they could sign you off work for a week or two if you feel the need to take a little time off.

I really wish I could be of more help, if there's anything I can do please let me know other than me being a sympathetic ear for you.

Here's the Calm website...

the anger and aggression started way before i started drinking again, I know its not a good idea but if its done one thing for me its put a stone on my weight which for last 25+ years has been very low and being average height but very skinny also has its downsides and food alone never touched my weight i could eat all sorts and never gain an ounce but i feel better about my weight now although dont want a beer belly mind ..
 
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