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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hi, I'm finally admitting that I need help continued.

J

jigsaw puzzle

Member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
17
Location
Fife, Scotland
November 2009 I broke down majorly in front of the girls at work. This was after I had spoken to my section corporal and he was telling me that I should set the standard that I was at etc. I was trying to say that I did, or retalliate - which you don't in the military basically and he was quite rightly sharp with me.

So you know, my section corporal is a very dominating person, very traditional with military rules and treats all ranks lower than him with little respect. I find quite often when it is a one to one conversation that I am scared of him.

After going to my section corporal who was the only one who knew about the incident (ironic eh?) I started counselling in January 2010.

I have to admit that the counselling has worked, there are a few things that have been picked up that I need to work on. My counsellor has suggested and arranged that I need to go and see a psychiatrist, so I will progress on to her soon.

The things I'm struggling on are:

I am too self punishing. I beat myself up quite badly if I make a mistake or cannot do a marching task due to my ongoing back injury.

I find it very hard to think for myself and treat myself as no. 1 as I enjoy helping other people.

I panic. In situations in particular where I am one to one with my section corporal I get quite upset if he is in a dominating mood/ordering mood.

I cannot deal with dominating men such as the accused or my section corporal. I just shrink back and accept what is going to happen.

I don't enjoy social situations such as going out drinking with work mates, as they would get out of control, and the trust is certainly not there with anyone in work. I also feel I will constantly make a fool of myself at work. I'm finding it easier with a circle of friends outside of work as I get on with all of them. I'm even drinking to get tipsy, so I guess that's an improvement to not going out at all. I find at work that I'm constantly analysing what I am doing so as to not make a fool of myself, of which I am so afraid of doing.

On the other hand, I aim to keep myself busy, researching my degree and planning to aim for other qualifications which will enable my degree but at the same time they are a tick in the box for me and my education.

I don't really admit I have a problem. Compared to my brother, or all the other people on here who have problems. I suppose this is a big step to admitting I have a problem, by telling the world it.

I would like to know what you think please. I cannot forever keep burdening my angel of a boyfriend who has to endure all of my odd moments.

Hopefully after this outburst, I will be able to continue using my normal outlet of writing things down, writing exactly how I feel, as I don't find it's working at the moment.

Thanks for your time,

J. Puzzle.
 
Angels

Angels

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2010
Messages
2,461
Location
Oblivion
Admitting you need help isnt a bad thing at all!
Youve had a tough time from what ive read here i think you could do with building up some confidence and standing up for yourself. being in the military can complicate things with the stnding up for yourself. because there is alot of enforced discipline. your pretty much ordered around and told what to do. when your out of work, you could work on it. again thing will be complicated because of your back though. it will get better soon but its best not to push yourself or things might end up worse.
Carrying on education wilst in such a stressful work environment is also a really good thing. it might add more stress but a degree is really good. it will give you alot more oppertunities to grow and progress!
you already have support, with the councelling and the boyfriend... im sure he understands :)
see the psychiatrist and let us know how you get on :)
x han x
 
BORTU

BORTU

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 4, 2010
Messages
1,449
Location
SW England
Hi Jigsaw,

Hey, I read one of your earlier posts and I would say that you are more positive now. Good on yer.

I was in the forces many moons ago and the corporal was not one of my favourite people. Being a s**t goes with the job.

Stick with the friends you like.
 
D

dreambuggieII

Guest
hey - I just dipped in, and had a read. I don't really know much about life in the forces/army (sorry just know it's sorta non-civilian), infact I'm quite the opposite of you - I'm a no good hippe anarchist, who just watched a John Lennon Vs The USA, dvd this week. Soz, I get carried away with myself. Please bear with me.

The first step is the hardest, the journey has begun and you won't feel too alone here. I kinda felt, it may have taken a lot to write it down, perhaps I'm wrong, but I hope you manage as best you can, and wish you a safe journey - to yourself. I find and lose myself weekly. It's a winding road, good, bad and often profound. Just to say, if an examined life is worth living, then we're already there.

justa hug - *smile* - :)

me
 
J

jigsaw puzzle

Member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
17
Location
Fife, Scotland
Thank you angels, dreambuggie and bortu for your kind words. Dreambuggie I really enjoy your "Have a laugh," page in the chill out cafe, especially the ipad evolution pics, that really made me chuckle. I'll eventually be able to chill out like you, i seem to have too much of a sense of control at the moment, but I am getting better at giving myself some "me time," and feeling better for it. You are right, it was hard to write it down, I felt so much better after offloading all of the worry though, it's amazing how different it is when you put your thoughts onto paper, it's as if it's like you're removing a strand of memory to put into an odd bowl of water like in Harry Potter, if you're into that kind of thing. If not, you can say I've lost my marbles!

To Bortu, I have to agree that being a s**t is part of the job. However, I personally think that there is no need to be so negative, then as this section corporal does, is your best friend when he's out having a drink. Very strange behaviour. I think the skill of "not wanting to slap the annoying s**t of a corporal for being a pig," needs to be worked on. It doesn't help that I have my dad's temperament, but hey that's life.

Angels, thank you for your advice, I'll keep messaging and posting on my blog - whenever it eventually appears lol.

J. Puzzle
 
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