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Hi i'm a borderline personality disorder sufferer and have felt stigmatised most of my life

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Barnie

Member
Joined
Sep 20, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
I have bpd and hate the diagnosis which makes it so easy to be avoided by others. Ostracised by society. It gets lonely and im angry because i dont want pity or self pity
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,460
Location
England
Hello Barnie. Welcome to the forum. I find most people have never heard of bpd. I am sorry people have judged you for it. You will not find yourself judged on here. :)
 
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Barnie

Member
Joined
Sep 20, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
That's good. Its that ive been judged all my life for being crazy, unbalanced, mentally ill. Then i received the diagnosis and felt bad as well as mad.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,460
Location
England
I hope now you have a diagnosis you will find people will be more understanding. I struggled when I got my diagnosis because I had no idea what it was. Now I am glad because it enabled me to get the correct help and support.
 
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Barnie

Member
Joined
Sep 20, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
I try to hide the fact that i suffer from any mental illness at all. I have no friends or social life, i do not work, i have no partner or children. When i go out to shop or exercise i make an effort to look normal. Loneliness feels acute because my father died 2 months ago and i accused my family and stepfamily of using up all his money on themselves. I have no family because they have hurt me. I am 60yrs old and life feels like its over for me. Im looking into possible assisted suicide, or taking my own life. No more overdoses or stomach being pumped out. No prison ever again for smashing a phone.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,460
Location
England
I am so sorry you are lonely. I am sorry your father passed away. I can understand you not having connections to your family. It is not to late to make friends. You may even make some on here. A lot of us have bpd and understand your pain.

Please do not end your life. You are in pain now but it does not mean you will always be in pain. Therapy was a life saver for me. Have you been offered any?
 
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Barnie

Member
Joined
Sep 20, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
Thank you. My psychiatrist (who nearly discharged me last year, due to system changes, not sure why really), she is calling me tomorrow. She has increased support to weekly rather than once every 3 months. I dont feel suicidal so much today. But this time last week i was researching into 100% successful methods. I want to write an extraordinary piece of work. All my life the dreams of success have kept me alive. It's self delusion
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,460
Location
England
I am glad your psychiatrist is going to phone you tomorrow. Thank goodness you were not discharged. I think it is important to tell your psychiatrist about the research you have been doing.
 
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Barnie

Member
Joined
Sep 20, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
Will do. Although the research on harming my self seriously, i'd rather not mention because its so scary yet i need the option. I feel okay after long walk and bath today. Yes, thank goodness she didn't discharge me. Thank you for supportive message.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,460
Location
England
Bare in mind that doing that will ruin the persons life. That is something that has stopped me from doing it in the past. It is great you found the walk helpful. I find baths help me too.
 
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Barnie

Member
Joined
Sep 20, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
For days i tried to leave the house for my daily walk and failed miserably. This past week has improved in that respect.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,460
Location
England
That is wonderful progress. To have been able to go for a walk today is really positive. I know a lot of people find walking helps to clear their mind.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
4,407
Location
Sheffiield
I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

The Samaritans can be called for free on 116 123 day or night if you need someone to talk to.

Please take good care of yourself.
 
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Daringdan

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2020
Messages
150
Location
Louisville, Ky
Barnie,
I hope you will continue posting on these forums so that, perhaps, we can offer you some more immediate relief and long term relief from the troubles you've described.
 
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