• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hi! I really need your advice.

W

whitefossil

New member
Joined
Dec 22, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Philippines
Hi, I'm new to this forum and I've never been medically diagnosed or checked by a professional.

I'm turning 24 and I feel like I'm stuck. Some of my friends are studying abroad, some are already getting married. I don't feel like I'm doing enough to fulfill "live my life to the fullest". Can you please help me out?
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,467
Location
Canada
Welcome to the forum. Does it much matter what your friends are doing? You are not the same as them.
 
ParxSP

ParxSP

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Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
203
Location
Folkestone
Hi and welcome. Maybe your friends who are getting married wish they had your single life. Try to think of what YOU could do with YOUR life rather than what others are doing. Set yourself goals and go for them. Good luck.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,095
Location
Nashua NH
Hello white fossil and welcome to the forums. Everyone has different opportunities in life that they follow just like what you are doing right now with your time. It may not seem as exciting or like a milestone achievement as some of your friends who are traveling or getting married but it is life in your own lane. What kinds of things do you think you could do that might bring you greater fulfillment with where you are at? It’s nice to have you with us. xo, j
 
C

CultureVulture

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Dec 20, 2020
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N/A
You’re so young. Just figure out who you are because that might be all you have in future.
 
A

Aurelius

Well-known member
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Aug 14, 2018
Messages
371
Welcome whitefossil.

Two things come to mind. The first is looking at ourselves in terms of what we do. The second is looking at ourselves in terms of who we are.

As a general rule, we are good at judging our lives and others' lives by what we are doing/have done/are intending to do or by what we are unable to do now or in the foreseeable future/what we have been unable to do in the past. We are less good at 'being', so many people will say that they are happier when they are doing things (even if those things go wrong) than when they are just left to 'be'.

'Studying abroad', 'getting married', etc are about doing. They are events which may look fulfilling from the outside and look like impressive features in the landscape of other people's lives, especially at times when there are no similar events in our lives and the landscape of our lives seems empty.

If we look a little deeper and view things in terms of who we are, rather than what we do, things are not so clear.

For example, the anxieties, pressures and stresses of facing Covid-19 and its challenges in a foreign country, sitting for hours daily with nothing but screen time for company, being far distant from many of the people, places and culture that you find supportive and comforting - may feel more like living in a pit and far from the exciting venture that was once envisaged.

You will doubtlessly know that not all marriages bring the enduring love and happiness that is hoped for and often there is unforeseen pain.

Which leads to three important questions - What is it that you want to do/feel that you must do? - What is it that gives meaning to who you are? - Will the things you want to do/feel that you must do give meaning to who you are in a way that is fulfilling?

Finally, do feel reassured about writing here. This is a mental health forum, so the focus is always on supporting mental health and wellbeing of whoever messages here.
 
Carl Melo

Carl Melo

Member
Joined
Dec 22, 2020
Messages
15
Location
Brazil
I'm 29 and everybody around me seems to be living a better life than mine. Some of them with good jobs, they are married, they seem happy. I'm literally the only one that hasn't accomplished anything big and I feel stuck as well, I'm almost sure my life won't get better in the next 3 years or so, maybe if I work hard and try to fix everything but how to find the energy and motivation to do it?
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

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Forum Guide
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Jun 16, 2020
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Norway
Hi whitefossil Merry Christmas and welcome to the forum. :welcome: :santa:

Don't worry about what other people do, we all live our life at our own pace and you're still young. You will find your path eventually :). Take care and best wishes.

M
 
H

Hana26

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2020
Messages
98
Location
World
Hello and welcome !

It doesn't matter what your friends are doing, don't compare yourself to anyone, it's the best way to feel bad and be forever unhappy / unsatisfied. Besides we don't even know what people's lives are like behind closed doors.
Many young adults don't really know what to do at 24. Think about trying new things, hobbies, etc... but do stuff because you find it exciting, not to seem normal or to emulate your friends : )
 
D

DH96

New member
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Liverpool
Hi, I'm new to this forum and I've never been medically diagnosed or checked by a professional.

I'm turning 24 and I feel like I'm stuck. Some of my friends are studying abroad, some are already getting married. I don't feel like I'm doing enough to fulfill "live my life to the fullest". Can you please help me out?

Personally, I had my own house at 24 and two kids at 30. Sounds idealistic, but it only amplified my mental struggles and turned anxiety into depression. I'm still struggling now and I look on with envy at my friends who are in and out of work living day by day seemingly without a care in the world. The point im trying to make is that your situation doesn't define you, find something that you enjoy that is unique to you, I learned how to play guitar, and the fact that I can do it and not many others can gives me a feeling of superiority over those who I sort of looked at with envy. Trying to dig yourself out of a hole is tough, but try to set yourself achievable goals monthly or even yearly and that will give you some purpose. I am still trying to find my own purpose like you but I'm getting there, I'm 32 now and my only life goal is to be rid of depression, I've put ambition to one side as that's just what society tells you is the way to be. Hope this helps
 
Talula67

Talula67

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
117
Location
United Kingdom
Hi, I'm new to this forum and I've never been medically diagnosed or checked by a professional.

I'm turning 24 and I feel like I'm stuck. Some of my friends are studying abroad, some are already getting married. I don't feel like I'm doing enough to fulfill "live my life to the fullest". Can you please help me out?
Hi and welcome,
I know what you mean and it's hard not to compare yourself with peers as its only natural to do this. We all have struggles and what looks like ideal is not for the individual.

I try and set myself small goals that are achievable and these mount up and make me feel better about myself.

As has been said, take stock and follow your dreams. Be careful what you wish for because we usually get what we wish for.

I am working on keeping my mind in the present moment . A good lesson in this is "The Power of NOW" by Eckhard Tolle. If your concentration is not good at the moment his book is feely available on YouTube in audible format. His teachings are really life
saving.

Be kind to yourself and open your mind to suggestions and apply a few to your own life.

I always try and remember to be kind to people and most of all myself.

Life with mental illness is hard enough but as you can be physically well you can also be mentally well.

I write down what I would like to have in my life and get things into perspective. I take things "A day at a time" and sometimes "An hour at a time". You are not alone with these thoughts as most of us have them also.
Much love and light sent to you from my home to yours. GB xxx
 
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