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Twinkle14

Twinkle14

New member
Joined
Aug 1, 2020
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3
Location
Northern ireland
I decided to become a member of this, never done anything like this before but thought I’d give it a go as what have I got left to lose!

the last year or so I have had no emotion or feeling in me towards anything I do or anyone I love, I don’t know why that is and it can get confusing and very lonely at times. No one seems to understand what it’s like to feel nothing, like you’re not even a person just a presence that no one cares about. I physically hate myself to the point it makes me feel so sick. Self harm has helped me cope with the overwhelming feeling of being useless to everyone around me and often I feel like everyone would be better off without me here.
 
calypso

calypso

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Jan 5, 2011
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Lancashire
:welcome: to the forum. I do understand what it is like to feel so alone and unwanted. Whilst I cannot diagnose on a forum, for me it was depression (very severe form) which caused this feeling. I realised I couldn't get out of it on my own, it was too severe, so I needed help. I think you should ask for help from your GP and if that doesn't work, ask for therapy or referral to the community mental health team for assessment.

I also have self harmed in the past and know how addictive it is. Trouble is that it works in the very short term but in the long term it just makes things worse. I have managed to stop now but it took some doing. Try hard to stop it and seek help for the underlying problem please.
 
Twinkle14

Twinkle14

New member
Joined
Aug 1, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Northern ireland
I had been to the doctors at the end of last year, he told me I MIGHT have bpd but never confirmed it and never heard anything else. He referred me to councelling but it didn’t help with my emotions at all, if anything it made me feel more useless as I couldn’t open up about what was going on inside my head
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
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3,543
Location
Nashua NH
Hi Twinkle welcome to the forums...xo, j
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Mar 19, 2019
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8,395
Location
UK
Hi Twinkle,

I can relate to that feeling of numbness. I was like that when I had the worst of my depression. I felt as if I was watching the rest of the world through a pane of glass - nothing really touched me - I was just an external observer on my own life. It is so much more frightening to have NO emotions than it is to have extremes of them.

In my case, I went straight on to medication for depression. I genuinely don't think I could have been receptive to any sort of talk therapy or mood maintenance techniques - I was too far down the rabbit hole to be reached.

In my opinion, I think you need to be very frank with your doctor about how you feel. I'm in the habit of checking on myself with the NHS Mood Assessment. I use it regularly just to see if I'm slipping down again so I can catch myself. It might be an idea for you to use this tool so you can refer to it to your doctor - tell him your scores and highlight any aspects that are your most frequent experiences. I'll link the assessment at the bottom - only takes five minutes but think carefully about your answers to get an accurate picture of where you are. It will make your explanations to a GP easier and measurable to them.

In my case, my brain chemicals needed an external boost in the form of antidepressant medication - no amount of exercise, positive thinking or willpower could have shifted me from the lowest ebb. The good news is that you don't necessarily need them for the rest of your life - I have been off antidepressants for years now and I can control my mental state quite successfully. I would not hesitate to take them again if I felt I needed it.

I think this is the first thing to tackle. Part of your SH at the moment is the need to feel SOMETHING. You need to be in a better and stronger place to tackle that. Don't be afraid to tell your GP.

I'm sending you lots of love and best wishes and I hope you'll use the forum as a support during this time. We are here for you and we understand. :hug: xxx

Mood self-assessment
 
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