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Hi I’m new here. Nice to meet ya

B

BrunetteChick

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Los Angeles
Hey everyone,

I feel like a putz being here only because there are people who struggle with depression much harder than I do. But today I just finally decided I couldn’t take it. I need someone to talk to. So I googled depression forums and I ended up here. I read a couple of threads and saw how supportive people are and it gives me hope.

I have good days. These are days I can tell myself everything will be okay. Days I will genuinely smile when I go to work. Days I can joke around with my boyfriend and be lovey dovey. Days I can spend time in the living room talking with family. But then there are bad days like today. That I don’t want to leave my bed. I don’t want to go work at a boring job. That I feel tired of being alive. I’m tired of existing. I ask god why I can’t be taken out of my misery. All I can do is cry in silence. I feel tired, hopeless. I’m such a failure.

I’m 23. Graduated from a well known university last year with a degree I don’t feel passionate about. I have financial debt. I work two jobs and have no days off. I still live with my parents in a small house. I don’t have friends anymore because I stopped talking to them a year ago and they never checked back on me either. I have an awesome boyfriend who I’ve been with for 4 years. He’s supportive as hell and he’s super ambitious but I’m such a Debbie downer I don’t want to keep throwing my problems on him anymore. I just can’t keep doing that to him.

I wish that I would be in a good place in my life right now. Working in a good paying job and doing things that I love. Being able to help my family financially. Have lots of goals and a drive to achieve them. Have lots of friends and go out and have a social life. Be positive with myself. Learn to control my emotions and overall have a reason to get out of bed every morning. But I don’t.

To pay off my debts I got a second job which I just started. I saw it as a chance to show the fun side of me to make friends and meet awesome people. But I can’t do it. One because I hate the job and two because I walk a fine line between wanting friends but also just wanting to be alone.

What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be fucking normal? Ive been like this for years now. Sometimes happy and ready to tackle life and other days wanting to disappear off the face of the planet or wishing I got hit by a bus. I don’t know what to do. I’m really sorry to whoever’s time I wasted. Please just ignore me I just needed to write this out.
 
wollie

wollie

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2019
Messages
3,830
Location
warwick
Hi BrunetteChick, and welome :welcome:

I can relate to your problems, I'm down at the minute and can feel for you, have you seen your doctor recently he may want to change your meds.
It sounds like you need a break from it all, can you afford a week end away?

All the best woolie.
 
U

user9898

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
225
Location
europe
First of all you shouldn't feel bad about being in debt because almost everyone is in debt today. It is incentivized on a societal level.
Another thing that is important is to find something to be passionate about. It's good to have an education and a job of course but also to keep looking for something that lights up your brain. Too often we do what is expected of us when we should do what we love. What do YOU want to do?
 
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BrunetteChick

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Los Angeles
Hi BrunetteChick, and welome :welcome:

I can relate to your problems, I'm down at the minute and can feel for you, have you seen your doctor recently he may want to change your meds.
It sounds like you need a break from it all, can you afford a week end away?

All the best woolie.
Hi Woolie, I haven’t talked to my doctor about how I feel. Honestly I don’t know how to. The man practically rush read my lab results and just told me to lose weight. How do I ask for a mental health specialist? I’ve never tried any medications.
 
B

BrunetteChick

New member
Joined
Nov 21, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Los Angeles
First of all you shouldn't feel bad about being in debt because almost everyone is in debt today. It is incentivized on a societal level.
Another thing that is important is to find something to be passionate about. It's good to have an education and a job of course but also to keep looking for something that lights up your brain. Too often we do what is expected of us when we should do what we love. What do YOU want to do?
hi! I haven’t found what I’m passionate about. There’s nothing much I’m good at really.
 
U

user9898

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 6, 2019
Messages
225
Location
europe
hi! I haven’t found what I’m passionate about. There’s nothing much I’m good at really.
Our lives are a never ending search to find our passion. For some it's having kids or breeding dogs or writing books. You don't have to be a world talent at it and you don't have to quit your job to try out new things. Good luck!
 
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