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Hi, here for help. Nice to meet you.

M

MClaudeW

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
8
Sooo, I think I'm some kind of Guilty NPD.

My girlfriend who I know struggles with some things, I've never called her dumb or anything like that. I don't believe that anyone is inferior to anyone in the big picture... But we were arguing and I asked her why she couldn't understand my point, and she started yelling at me... Paraphrasing she said "you're right, I don't understand, I can't think like you, 90% of the time I can't understand anything you're saying, you are several times more intelligent than me, so why don't you get off you're high horse" by the end of which I was curled face between my knee sitting on the couch... I hurt myself and I've never cried or screamed so much without making a sound. I'm being literal. I haven't ever reacted to anything remotely like that. When I got cheated on once the same night I proposed I reacted almost as bad...
So... Where should I go post?
 
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Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Hi and :welcome:

I dunno why you feel you have NPD? Because your gf feels you might be more intellectual than her? and you got upset cos she yelled at you? i'd be upset after a row as well, that you hurt yourself suggests you are not on a high horse but are a sensitive person.

we can't diagnose on here but doesn't sound like NPD to me. i guess something she said touched something in you, we are sensitive to different things, so if someone critcises us in one way it might not affect us but in another way it might really get to us.

if you're hurting yourself and having trouble in your relationship would it help to maybe seek counselling/therapy?

and you can offload here

regarding where to post, you can post in any section you feel fits, there is a section People that might help if you're wanting to talk about your relationship, it's here

http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/forum271.html

hope you find the forum helpful x
 
A

Ashem

Guest
Hi and welcome.
Sounds like something might have tipped you over the edge. Do you find that sometimes you feel extreme emotions that you find hard to contain. I don't want to make any assumptions based on a single post, but perhaps it might be useful to engage in the personality disorder forums, as a lot of the members have a very real and empathetic understanding of issues that arise interpersonally, particularly with romantic partners. If you believe you're npd then I think there's a particular section dedicated to that.
All the best!
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi MClaudeW and welcome to the forum.

Sorry to hear about your argument and how it made you feel. I can relate to the crying and screaming without making a sound. :nod2:

I agree with Roasted Strumpet, from what you've said, it doesn't really sound like NPD. It doesn't matter here. This is a safe place to share and vent whatever you feel comfortable with. We all try to support each other as best we can.
 
M

MClaudeW

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
8
Thank you for the warm welcome and the guidance. What hurt so much was being called smarter than someone.

She didn't even know. I talked to her about it today, she said it was a stress overload.

I'll go look for the forum.
 
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M

MClaudeW

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
8
I couldn't find the forum for NPD.
But I need to talk to people who can be reasonable and unbiased.

I do believe that I am in fact a recovering NPD, I've hated myself long enough to know I should. The girlfriend and I are seeking councelling next week.

I have to explain:
I was never praised or paid attention to for anything as a kid. No dad, mom raised me like a cat who didn't deserve fresh litter. But she bragged to everyone how nice and smart I was. She never looked right at me unless she was angry... That's another story.

So now I live for recognition and praise. I'm clearly NPD in my own eyes and I feel as though my mind is crumpling whenever I get recognition now. I hate myself for wanting to be special. And I hate that I'm not. So I hate that everyone thinks I am. But that is my fault for creating an image of myself to project based on my accomplishments because I am hollow and lonely inside. I've been surviving for as long as I can remember. I've been surviving with a softball sized inguinal hernia since I was twelve, and for eighteen years. Now surgery is finally coming, DARS is making it happen. They even got me to see a neurologist. Apparently, although I scored 'sky high' on the IQ test, there was strong evidence of a learning disorder. I saw a doctor, surgery should be soon, they told me to notify my employer... But it's taken 9 months of waiting, and stressing, and calling, and I just want the damn Blue fairy to make me a real boy! I'm tired of hurting. I make myself a victim because I never let myself believe I could be weak enough to let my hernia slow me down... But now that I finally have hope! Now I have nothing but fear and self pity. While waiting on surgery I've learned that I've been repressing fears and issues caused or based on my henia and with hope! With hope now I can't dooooo anything. I've struggled so hard for so long alone. Now that I have hope there is nothing that entertains me. I just stare at the wall all day.

I want to be a real boy. But I'm different. I'm not human. I don't need feelings to survive. I'm having a breakdown talking to my phone screen about my problems.

I was akward and annoying as a child. No one hesitated to tell me. So I read. 3-5 novels a day. And I hid. I wasn't allowed to use the phone anyway. Internet was dial up, and my mom was clacking at the computer on her chat sites 24 hours a day. Between cat naps. All night. It didn't matter what I was doing. I had to make coffee when she yelled. Bread and peanut butter... While she always had a two packs of marlboros, a 3 liter of diet coke, and coffee... I didn't have a full weeks worth of clothes for school.
I'm so tired. I wish they would get along. Before my brother got kicked out when he was thirteen because he was rebellious I got to see what not to do. That's why I was so well behaved. I don't blame him for abusing me... He wasn't as timid as me. He was more frustrated by her. I just wanted the fighting to stop. Maybe that's what happened. Maybe I was a kid again last night.
 
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