Hi Guys It is Joanne again :) I just really need support on ways to maintain my anxiety whilst in an employment environment

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FriendsFanaticSince1999

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#1
Hello again guys, nice to speak to you all again. The message I wanted to leave was this. I feel as though I am getting better. I have a 7 week work placement going on and I have two weeks left with an absolutely brilliant manager and an absolutely lovely team of people in a charity. I have even been asked to go there one day a week when this is over. I believe this has really improved my self-confidence and believe. However, I am still far from there. I completed a 4 week therapy course to try and conquer my anxiety and I believe it is working to an extent, however, I still think that I have the ability to get frustrated within a working environment and let my anxiety get the better of me.

It all started in 2017, when I left college and got my first Christmas temporary job in a shop, I was making constant mistakes and was actually taken off the tills due to this. The next thing was another shop but this was a charity shop, although I was much better here, there was still the odd mistake every now and then and my frustrations were going higher and higher when these mistakes were happening. The third one was the worst nightmare, again, another shop, a paid position this time, a woman in here was extremely vile to me and I feel as though this knocked my confidence for the worst, I have never been a particularly confident person, but this really affected me, as well as again till mistakes, which also knocked my confidence, I am not going to say the name of the company due to confidentiality reasons, but it comforts me to know that this particular company is known for not treating their staff in the best of ways, this is putting it lightly ha ha ha. I resigned from here to go to a hotel position, this was even more of a disaster, it really was, I was only here a day and a half and really really really struggled with the job so much that I had to end up walking out. This made me extremely upset, so much that I actually give up job searching for a good couple of months.

By the time September/October came around, I finally got more motivation to apply for jobs again, so I became employed within a medical practice, I finally thought I was doing a job well as all of my colleagues praised me highly, however, the management didn't think so, I was actually force-ably sacked from this position, the other ones were my decision, but I was actually told to go from this one, which really really knocked my confidence beyond belief, more than ever and actually was only two or three weeks ago I finally got over my anger and bitterness from this, and I did not receive proper feed back at all, the same as the hotel, it took me about 8-10 weeks to apply for more positions again. It is not just paid positions, whilst I was in college a lot of my work experience placements I was told that I need improving and was often told to go after a few hours rather than the whole day that I was supposed to be there. I also had a very short paid position within a dog groomers a three day trial but I was paid off after my second day, not even given a third day.

I have started realizing where I am going wrong, and have completed CBT to try and conquer this, and I seem to be going OK in my current voluntary position, however, every time I apply for jobs it is on the back of my mind about it lasting two months at the most and me having to come back to Universal Credit, which I am absolutely sick to death of doing, because three out of four of those paid positions could have potentially got me off Universal Credit, two of them for good and one of them at least a year if I hadn't have been kept on after the apprenticeship, but to be told to go three weeks into a twelve month apprenticeship makes me worry to death about maintaining employment. I think I will be able to work on it a bit more in future, but just wondered if any of you had similar type of maintaining employment issues and have any tips to help me with it, because the next job I want to get, i want to keep to get off universal credit even if it is only for a year, because maintaining even an apprenticeship for a year will make me more likely to get positions which will get me off Universal Credit forever, as it is really getting me down. Luckily I live at home, so financially I am supported, but what if these keeps happening throughout my life? As i don't want to be at home for life, I want to know I can help pay for massive life events such as care home fees funerals weddings christenings for example as well as just normal life things such as bills and holidays and food and bus travel as well as birthday and Christmas presents, which at the moment are things I cant afford in the slightest. We are also constantly having to lie to family members that I am still at the medical center so that we are not upsetting elderly relatives of ours which is severely upsetting my mother, we have recently had a bereavement as well so with my mums job being the way it is, grieving for our loss and my job situation, my poor mum and dad are extremely stressed at the moment, which has the potential to heighten my anxiety, I will try my best to keep it at bay on my next position, but its always on the back of my mind about the same problems happening, inability to do the actual job, being moaned at or giving warnings by management, bursting into tears because I have made yet another or multiple enemies, this is something that happened at a job-centre work placement again in a shop, I was confronted in an extremely aggressive potentially violent way by another member of staff and the management just sort of shrugged it off, which again extremely affected my confidence, I wasn't even given any feedback for my performance here, which again made me feel like shite. I am also avoiding going out so people don't say "What Are You Doing Now?" as I have to think of something to make up, as I know that they will be wondering why I am still not secured in paid employment.

It is really frustrating as I am far from a layabout as I have always wanted to work, but unfortunately, it is not working out at the moment. I know that employment it used to be a lack of assertiveness, self-confidence and competency that have stopped me maintaining employment and two of the major reasons are frustration, inability to fit in and join conversations and anxiousness, i would like help on these issues please. There is no rush at all to get back to me. It is really annoying that there is so much help to get into work but nowhere near enough help in maintaining employment. Anytime you want to get back to me is absolutely fine, but please if you can guys get back to me whenever you can as I am sick to the back teeth of having to come back to Universal Credit, especially when I see other people of my age with children, their own flats/houses and going to concerts/on holiday as they are able to afford it due to employment. I have potentially lost nearly four years of potential income as 16 is the legal working age. a fact that is also getting me extremely down. Thanks so much for your support guys and once again any replies however long or short will be very extremely appreciated. Thanks very much guys and I am truly thankful enjoy the rest of Sunday guys, I will probably be on this again on Friday as I am having a day away from technology tomorrow and have my charity work Tuesday-Thursday. So I will speak to you all on Friday. Very Kind Regards Guys and finally goodbye ha ha ha ha ha. I started writing this nearly an hour ago ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
 
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gam9147

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#2
Hi there. Thanks for sharing. I don't have primary anxieties about work, mine are around health, but when I feel really bad I do start to worry about not being able to work.

Its perhaps a bit easier for me because I remind myself that for so many years at this point (I'm much older than you) I've been able to work and if I have to take some time off its OK. But you probably need to be telling yourself similar. You have to have immense patience with yourself, and since your doing therapy this is great! 4 weeks is not enough to 'cure' you of course, but your on the right track and making progress!

Celebrate your successes, try to remember to have patience with yourself, not everyone can feel fully healthy and well all the time. There are many that are disabled in many different ways, through no fault of their own (its biology that causes anxiety too!). These are difficult things for me to reinforce in myself as well. I think so many of us have these big expectations on ourselves that are simply not fair to our own bodies and minds.
 
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FriendsFanaticSince1999

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#3
Aw hiya thanks very much for this I have been having more patience with myself recently and I'm lucky that my work placement has an absolutely fantastic boss who is so kind and patient and yeah I am noticing a positive difference in myself it's just always at the back of my mind for paid positions but one massive plus is that I didn't get frustrated with myself yesterday and endedip doing the job ok when at one time I would have just got frustrated and given up too easily so I am proud of myself for that hopefully I can do this in a paid position. Thanks very much for getting back to me so quickly really wasn't expecting any replies yet so thanks a lot for your support it means an awful lot and have a nice day :).
 
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gam9147

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#4
No problem, I'm glad to hear things are feeling better lately for you. (feeling is really the more important regardless of actuality!). So many people run through so many jobs, its no big deal except for your own mind putting expectations on you. You will undoubtedly find your true calling in work but it can take some time of course. Good luck!
 
LivinWithAnxiety

LivinWithAnxiety

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#5
Hello and thanks for sharing. Well one thing's for sure: You're a good writer!

My anxiety has been affecting my employment. It makes me tired and makes it difficult for me to focus. I'm a private tutor by trade, so when i need to take time off I need to make about ten phone calls, and in this line of work, it feels like the more you cancel, the more the client will view you as unreliable. I've only lost one client due to my anxiety so far but it continues to threaten my ability to earn a living. I'm 39 years old and my parents live 1,500 miles away 8 months out of the year so as much as I would love to fall back on them to regroup when I need to, I really don't feel like I can despite their offers. I also want to only let my anxiety interfere with my life as little as possible, so now I'm back to work after a one-week break.

I can imagine that it must be hard switching jobs a lot and not being comfortable with one thing. I would be grateful that I can rely on my parents in times of need the way you do. I think my anxiety came about sort of as a mid-life crisis. It's made me want to reevaluate everything in my life: where I live, how I live, what my interests are, who I spend time with, how I spend my time, and especially what I do for work. I continue to go back and forth with it in my head but lately I've been leaning toward being content with the trade I currently have and trying to find way to cope with and accept what I do for a living, because in a perfect world I'm sure I'd be making money some other way.
 
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FriendsFanaticSince1999

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#6
Aw thanks very much for these guys hugely appreciate the thoughtfulness and kindness :). and Ha ha ha yeah have been told I am a good writer. I loved English Lit in school. would love to go to some typing jobs where it doesn't matter if you're anxious as much. It is horrible isn't it but it sounds like you're coping well with it carry on being strong :).
 
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FriendsFanaticSince1999

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#7
No problem, I'm glad to hear things are feeling better lately for you. (feeling is really the more important regardless of actuality!). So many people run through so many jobs, its no big deal except for your own mind putting expectations on you. You will undoubtedly find your true calling in work but it can take some time of course. Good luck!
aw thanks very much for this much appreciated :).
 
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