Hi everyone..

[allen]

Hey there,

I'm 22 years old, a student. I've been having problems with my mental health for about 8 years now. At first it started like a case of depression, but with time it progressed into obvious OCD. Nowadays, the OCD has become more peculiar - kind of introverted with no ordinary compulsions.

Anyway, it's been better in the last months, though not great.. I hate the fact I don't have stability and just have days, weeks, months where I could be predominantly fulfilled and happy.

My therapist has been really good. We've mostly been going down a certain 'development' path, riding me of the child responses that have remained in me. Also, I'm succesfully answering some of my questions with respect to the larger picture. Namely, that the anxiety and the bad mood seem to be more of a symptom of some larger picture..

Anyway, I'm having a pretty bad weekend. It started out with an anxiety that triggered, over some things in the past - my therapist said it's baggage that's long overdue and unnecessary. But it's still hard for me to abandon it sometimes.

And then when I can't handle it, it just gets depressing - huge amounts of guilt, melancholy, the feeling as if i could just cry (though I'm glad I don't).. it almost feels as if i enter a completely different sphere of existence, a dark path in which I'm so fearful and vulnerable.

I think the structure of my life from day to day certainly affects me, but each time I think about taking measure to respond and make it better, I start to get feelings of guilt (like it's gonna take money or someone will be exploited in the process and I'll feel bad, unnormal afterwards).

Can anyone relate to my experience?

All the best.

 

[Fallen Angel]

Hi allen,

not sure I can relate exactly, but I also suffer from OCD, drepresion and related anxiety and have done for many years. Some days are good but others are not sometimes I just get stuck with my own thoughts and I to feel like I am living a seperate existance from everyone else. Its always there in the background even on the good days. I hope things get better for you during the week, keep posting if it helps!!

Angel

 

[Twylight]

Hello allen and welcome

I've had OCD for many years and it's really annoying

I'm a lot better than I was - there was a time , that when I use to put the rubbish bag in the communal bin - I would worry that i'd buried a child hiding under the rubbish.

Nowadays it's more about switching fires off and locking doors.

I use to feel guilty, but over the years I've met people who don't give a dam about any of their actions or consequences.

 

[Fallen Angel]

I can so relate to the placing of rubbish in the bin! sometimes I would drive down the road and think I had run someone down and would have to go back and check, the same with shops, I would have to go back in and check that the cashier was still alive?!!

Much better now but I still check the oven and door handles, a set number of times and repeat if I dont feel I've done it right!!

Seriously annoying, and it makes you tired!! days are longer for us OCDer's!!

Stay strong!

Angel

 

[allen]

Hi,

I guess I mostly needed to vent my feelings with this thread. The worries and the bad mood from yesterday were pretty visible today since I slept almost continuously until 5pm - though I did feel kinda refreshed, but also the mood leaned more towards depression instead of OCD.

Not much to say, otherwise. Pick up the pieces and go from there.

Best.

 

[Fallen Angel]

Hi allen,

I not what you mean about the depression! sometimes I just think enough is enough, this is how I need to feel right now, i've battled long and hard enough! It's good to vent, so you go for it, just know that your not alone and you can express yourself here how ever you need to!!

Angel

 

[jamesdean]

I know someone with ocd and he moves flats at least three times a year and that isnt no word of a lie, I did say that I would try to find out about some therapy in his area but havent managed to get round to it, though someone else told me he still gets these ideas in his head n he has to go with it but honestly I couldnt handle that all the time, it was bad enough has a child washing my hands all day long, imagine uplifting all the time I have moved alot of times in my life but hes proberly move has many times in the fifthteen years I have known him.

 

[allen]

I recall a patient who once said that the therapist (who is also treating me) pointed out that his obsessions are an instrument that prevents him from dealing with real life and real problems. I'd say I agree a lot with what this has to say. The symptoms alone - the anxiety, tension, sadness, hopelessness - are manifestations of a deeper structure.

It's very much connected to existential questions: the perception of loneliness in my feelings; fear of loneliness in the future and rejection from others. I'm anxious that I'll wake up one day and look back and see that I've wasted all this time on nothing, when I could have had happiness.