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Hi everyone, I don't know what's wrong with me

N

nb2020

New member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Hi everyone,

It's my first time using this forum. I joined as I'm feeling low and don't know what to do. Any guidance is appreciated.

Here is some background: I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents. Generally we get on well, but I have had some real fall-outs with my dad. A few years ago we had a big argument and I got very confrontational with him. After that I decided to go to therapy, once a week for 2 years, and it did help me.

In the last six months, I've noticed we've had some big arguments over small things. He isn't able to walk away and gets very hostile. He's never hit me or anything like that, but I have pushed him a couple of times when he's intimidated me by getting too close/aggressive.

More recently, I've been really proud of myself for walking away and leaving it alone. But today I didn't and it ended badly.

We fell out while putting dishes away after dinner. He sort of lightly pushed me and took a plate off me. I reacted by trying to punch him. I then pushed him, and punched a hole in the wall.

I felt like I was having a panic attack or something after. I'm so ashamed of myself. I rang Samaritans because I don't know how I can carry on living with him, but because of the coronavirus there's nowhere I can really go.

I don't know how it goes back to normal now. I don't even know if it was normal before. I care about my dad, and want to have a good relationship with him, but I feel like there's something wrong with me and I don't know what to do about it.

Sorry for the essay. Thanks for reading. Any guidance or help would be huge.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,145
Location
Nashua NH
Hi everyone,

It's my first time using this forum. I joined as I'm feeling low and don't know what to do. Any guidance is appreciated.

Here is some background: I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents. Generally we get on well, but I have had some real fall-outs with my dad. A few years ago we had a big argument and I got very confrontational with him. After that I decided to go to therapy, once a week for 2 years, and it did help me.

In the last six months, I've noticed we've had some big arguments over small things. He isn't able to walk away and gets very hostile. He's never hit me or anything like that, but I have pushed him a couple of times when he's intimidated me by getting too close/aggressive.

More recently, I've been really proud of myself for walking away and leaving it alone. But today I didn't and it ended badly.

We fell out while putting dishes away after dinner. He sort of lightly pushed me and took a plate off me. I reacted by trying to punch him. I then pushed him, and punched a hole in the wall.

I felt like I was having a panic attack or something after. I'm so ashamed of myself. I rang Samaritans because I don't know how I can carry on living with him, but because of the coronavirus there's nowhere I can really go.

I don't know how it goes back to normal now. I don't even know if it was normal before. I care about my dad, and want to have a good relationship with him, but I feel like there's something wrong with me and I don't know what to do about it.

Sorry for the essay. Thanks for reading. Any guidance or help would be huge.

Welcome!

It sounds like you and your Dad both have some
pent up energy/testosterone that is being misdirected to picking on each other when it could be directed more productively instead. What about taking a bit of space from Dad to exercise or go for a walk or jog? Get involved in activities that absorb your attention and take it away from
him. Living with other people is difficult even under the best circumstances. I think giving everyone the space they need and making sure energy is being used productively could help make this a more workable situation.
 
B

Billbow Bagins

New member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Australia
Hi everyone,

It's my first time using this forum. I joined as I'm feeling low and don't know what to do. Any guidance is appreciated.

Here is some background: I'm in my late 20s and live with my parents. Generally we get on well, but I have had some real fall-outs with my dad. A few years ago we had a big argument and I got very confrontational with him. After that I decided to go to therapy, once a week for 2 years, and it did help me.

In the last six months, I've noticed we've had some big arguments over small things. He isn't able to walk away and gets very hostile. He's never hit me or anything like that, but I have pushed him a couple of times when he's intimidated me by getting too close/aggressive.

More recently, I've been really proud of myself for walking away and leaving it alone. But today I didn't and it ended badly.

We fell out while putting dishes away after dinner. He sort of lightly pushed me and took a plate off me. I reacted by trying to punch him. I then pushed him, and punched a hole in the wall.

I felt like I was having a panic attack or something after. I'm so ashamed of myself. I rang Samaritans because I don't know how I can carry on living with him, but because of the coronavirus there's nowhere I can really go.

I don't know how it goes back to normal now. I don't even know if it was normal before. I care about my dad, and want to have a good relationship with him, but I feel like there's something wrong with me and I don't know what to do about it.

Sorry for the essay. Thanks for reading. Any guidance or help would be huge.
I have a son who sound's to have similar issues. I had a stroke when I was 12 so am partially paralysed on my left side he uses this as a weapon to get to me and say's some pretty terrible thing's about me. We always makeup after but it really does hurt me. What I suggest is when you feel yourself coming to the boil, slow down and take three deep breathes and try to think calmly about the situation. Hope I have helped in a small way, take care
 
N

nb2020

New member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Welcome!

It sounds like you and your Dad both have some
pent up energy/testosterone that is being misdirected to picking on each other when it could be directed more productively instead. What about taking a bit of space from Dad to exercise or go for a walk or jog? Get involved in activities that absorb your attention and take it away from
him. Living with other people is difficult even under the best circumstances. I think giving everyone the space they need and making sure energy is being used productively could help make this a more workable situation.
Thank you for replying and understanding, I really appreciate it. Getting out and spending quality time alone is probably something I need to do more of.

We can both be hard-headed and while I try to leave the situation most of the time today I didn't. I've spoken with my dad since posting and apologised. He apologised for pushing me, and we've both agreed to try and walk away the next time we feel each other intensifying.

I'm still shaken by what I did, but hopeful that next time I will be able to cool down and walk away.
 
N

nb2020

New member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
I have a son who sound's to have similar issues. I had a stroke when I was 12 so am partially paralysed on my left side he uses this as a weapon to get to me and say's some pretty terrible thing's about me. We always makeup after but it really does hurt me. What I suggest is when you feel yourself coming to the boil, slow down and take three deep breathes and try to think calmly about the situation. Hope I have helped in a small way, take care
Thank you for your reply, it's appreciated.

Your words did help. Cooling off and controlling my own response is something I need to try and be consistent with. Me and my dad argue every couple of months - not every day. Mostly I'm able to walk away, I don't react much, but today I did and it was the worst I've ever reacted. I'm still a bit shaken by it. Hopefully I can learn from this.
 
Mario82

Mario82

Taking a break
Joined
Apr 4, 2020
Messages
3,774
Location
UK
Hi nb2020.

There is nothing wrong with you, and you do love your dad and he loves you, you just have a strained relationship sometimes. Maybe you are more alike than you think. The fact you only argue every couple of months is actually good, some families argue every day.
 
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