• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Hi, brief introduction.

Jimny

Jimny

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Hello, have been struggling with my mental health for a while and frantically searching for information. Had a couple of breakdowns last year and finally found some info that I can associate with. I am a co dependent and have been for a long time.
Hoping to gain knowledge and understanding from peoples experiences, I'm guessing there may be a few co depenendent that need to help! ( I'm one of them! )
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hello Jimny and welcome to the forum.

I hope that you're finding your way round okay and that the forum is of some help to you. I can't imagine that you're the only co-dependent here so hopefully you'll find others with similar worries and experiences.

Take care.
 

cpuusage

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Drop all blame, control, manipulation, accept others as they are, & look after yourself.
i identify with co-dependency Jimny.

i was in addiction for 17 years, as have been other family members. i did 12 step meetings for some time, but haven't done a meeting for some 6 years. Am over 13 years sober.

i think co-dependency issues are usually very much a part of the lives & wider social/familial dynamics with people with addiction issues.

i think it's very hard to address some things, especially within the family, to the degree that things have been dysfunctional. As hard as it is we can't sort everything out/resolve everything - we can 'only' focus on our own well being, healing & recovery.

i think it's hard & task enough to simply try & focus & separate out what our own part is & work on addressing that. i try & very much focus on what i wrote above - to allow others to be as they are - to allow them their own path - & to work on letting go, forgiveness & acceptance. It's not easy with it all.

Have you tried CODA?
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Many thanks CPU. I have really only just come to realise that the traits I have are damaging, I was with a probable NPD or BPD although who or how they are is irrelevant. What is relevant is the extreme level of addiction and actions I was facing, I could not even recognise myself or my thoughts.
I was totally enmeshed in someone unaware of what was happening to me or the damage I was causing.
I have looked at the coda website and read absolutely tons of material.
I have managed to overlook my issues in the past somehow but have found them impossible to ignore now as the detrimental effects have been enormous.
I guess I am looking for validation of my my own diagnosis from a professional, the psychologist from the CMHT is very nice but with my own thirst for knowledge has been unable to keep up.
I only hope I haven't convinced myself of my issues by reading and exploring so much.
 

cpuusage

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Many thanks CPU. I have really only just come to realise that the traits I have are damaging, I was with a probable NPD or BPD although who or how they are is irrelevant. What is relevant is the extreme level of addiction and actions I was facing, I could not even recognise myself or my thoughts.
I was totally enmeshed in someone unaware of what was happening to me or the damage I was causing.
I have looked at the coda website and read absolutely tons of material.
I have managed to overlook my issues in the past somehow but have found them impossible to ignore now as the detrimental effects have been enormous.
I guess I am looking for validation of my my own diagnosis from a professional, the psychologist from the CMHT is very nice but with my own thirst for knowledge has been unable to keep up.
I only hope I haven't convinced myself of my issues by reading and exploring so much.
Enmeshment is certainly usually also a major part of all these areas as well.

i've read/researched & explored a lot of stuff as well - from every perspective. i don't think that's a bad thing.

It's very hard as to what is best to do? i think primarily all we can really do is to work on our own awareness & healing, & try to be as decent people as we can. There is nothing really that we can do about other people, & that is very difficult to accept. It's also incredibly difficult at times to change overall circumstances.

Feel acceptance is key to so much. i try & remain as calm as possible, have as strong boundaries as possible, step back & observe things. & try to improve my own inner World. It's hard & it's shit at times, especially depending on the overall circumstances/dynamics of the people in our lives, & what the nature is of our own individual difficulties & challenges. i don't know if there is a full resolution/escape from it all? Not while we're living. & there are certainly a lot of problems & limitations within the current mental health system & field of psychiatry/psychology.

i think there are general patterns/behaviours/traits within the main diagnostic categories - But these areas are open to a lot of interpretation. i have a close friend who i have known for 13 years, who is certainly on a diagnosable NPD spectrum (imo). Best thing i did in that case has been to cease contact for the past 2 years, & remove myself as far as i can from the associated circles. Some relationships are easier than others to step away from.

Also regardless of everything else - we're all primarily human beings - people are deep, complex & multi-faceted - & can't be categorised & defined. i think some things are good to try & understand, make sense of & address things - But it's all really just theories, ideas & different opinions & perspectives. As hard as things can be, it's a case of this is life & trying to live it as best as possible.
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Thank you for all the welcomes.
Invaluable information from experience there CPU, I really relate to all you have said.
I always thought of myself as being reasonably intelligent and the enmeshment absolutely knocked me for six, I really thought that's it fit me up for a straight jacket. I realise now what I thought was love was actually my condition. I also realise how absolutely daft that sounds.
The longer I kept going back to the person the deeper I went into my condition.
You are so right when you say 'that's life' as the work remains with me and there is no magic pill. A common phrase 'I wish I knew then what I know now'.
 

cpuusage

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Thank you for all the welcomes.
Invaluable information from experience there CPU, I really relate to all you have said.
I always thought of myself as being reasonably intelligent and the enmeshment absolutely knocked me for six, I really thought that's it fit me up for a straight jacket. I realise now what I thought was love was actually my condition. I also realise how absolutely daft that sounds.
The longer I kept going back to the person the deeper I went into my condition.
You are so right when you say 'that's life' as the work remains with me and there is no magic pill. A common phrase 'I wish I knew then what I know now'.
i think it's potentially very difficult & painful to take full responsibility, to focus on seeing everything as it is, & focus on genuine growth, learning & experience.

i think we're living in a very sick society - & it seems very difficult to find healthy, healing & purposeful/meaningful relationships & environments. My perspectives are however very much coloured by my own life & experiences.

i feel the vast majority of work, healing & progress that i've made has come from myself - Don't have too many expectations on other people & the system at being able to provide appropriate understanding & support - i've certainly found it very difficult to find.
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

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hello and welcome to the forums :welcome:
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Joined
Jan 25, 2015
Messages
307
Location
Essex
Many thanks all, some great advise here. Dealing with the MH services is pretty new to me and I think my expectations were set a little high, it has helped me no end when I hear people say that their 'recovery' comes from within.
Although I participated in a CMHT survey today and received a £10 Amazon voucher!
Please accept my apologies if I have offended anybody with my labelling as I know how detrimental labels can be.
 
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