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Hi and intro

R

RTraveler

Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2015
Messages
6
Hi - just joined. Here to maybe try and sort some things out and possibly get a better fix on what might be going on with me. Will be reading others posts to see if I can relate to other peoples stories. I am in my mid 40's. I think I'm friendly enough. Not quite sure what I am looking for, but willing to turn over every icky rock to find it. Hope to talk to you all soon enough.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Hello and welcome. Hope you find what you're looking for. :)

Let us know how you're feeling if you'd like.
 
R

RTraveler

Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2015
Messages
6
Hi jruth - I am feeling a few things, I imagine that's not so rare here. I read a few posts and became overwhelmed pretty quickly. That's not saying anything negative about the posts. I get emotional real quick sometimes, mostly with sad stuff. Then there is a bit of pensiveness with not really sure how much to say about my weirdness when the time comes. Also joining a forum of this kind is a first for me. I have felt the need to reach out before, but then feet kinda guilty that I wanted sympathy or maybe not that exactly, but I have been a trooper I guess and I'm getting tired/worn out/running out of ways to try and figure out what my deal is. I guess at some level it feels like I should be able to figure stuff out on my own, but then maybe there's nothing to figure out. And now I'm questioning myself about saying to much...lol. Anyways, thank you for the welcome and for setting up an opening for me to talk a bit. That was really nice.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Hi jruth - I am feeling a few things, I imagine that's not so rare here. I read a few posts and became overwhelmed pretty quickly. That's not saying anything negative about the posts. I get emotional real quick sometimes, mostly with sad stuff. Then there is a bit of pensiveness with not really sure how much to say about my weirdness when the time comes. Also joining a forum of this kind is a first for me. I have felt the need to reach out before, but then feet kinda guilty that I wanted sympathy or maybe not that exactly, but I have been a trooper I guess and I'm getting tired/worn out/running out of ways to try and figure out what my deal is. I guess at some level it feels like I should be able to figure stuff out on my own, but then maybe there's nothing to figure out. And now I'm questioning myself about saying to much...lol. Anyways, thank you for the welcome and for setting up an opening for me to talk a bit. That was really nice.
You're welcome. Please do so more if it makes you feel better. :)

It sounds like what you're going through is something that a lot of people feel, but are quite embarrassed to talk about; a lot of people feel embarrassed to ask for help, which is a shame, really, because it means that people are struggling in silence and unnecessarily. There's no shame in asking for help though, especially when you've been soldiering on for so long.

I don't know if this is too out of your comfort zone at the moment, but I hope you can consider speaking to a GP about this kind of stuff. There's no reason to feel ashamed about it; I spoke to my GP about feeling embarrassed for going to see him with a mental health issue, and he said about 70% of everyone he sees is because of something to do with mental health. You'd be surprised how many people are going through the same thing.

Hope you begin to feel better soon. :)
 
R

RTraveler

Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2015
Messages
6
Thanks all. A lil background is in order. I have seen quite a few doctors over the years and had more than my fair share of meds. The doctor visits started when I was about 7 or so, my mom said I got mad and threatened to beat them(parents) to death with my bat while they were sleeping. That sounds psychotic I know. I don't remember that happening. I kinda doubt it did happen, but who knows. In my defense, the bat I owned at the time was one of those fat reddish/orange plastic wiffle type bats, so I'm pretty sure they would have survived. I have had many different diagnosises over the years. I don't remember them all, but some made me feel subhuman when I would read about them to see what the terms meant. Been in the hospital a few times x a few times. Last time was about 3 years ago. That one was for about 7 days, a judge let me out after I got a chance to talk to him. I quit taking meds about 8-9 years ago or so, went into lala land and was hallucinating for a good week before I started to come back around. Wasn't to bad as I don't really remember any of it. Saw another doctor after that and had PTSD added to the list. I am not a Veteran though, so not to sure where that came from. The doctors I would see wouldn't really tell me anything when I would ask them about stuff. I refused to go back on meds after I had stopped them and the doctor couldn't get the judge to do it. Stopped seeing him about 3 months after I was off all the meds. Since then I have ended up in the hospital a few times, how those happened is really kind of fuzzy to me. Kinda like a time loss but not really. Anyways, last time was about 3 years ago. This is a lot of typing and way to much background...but it feels nice to say this crappy stuff about me because in the real world I have to act like I am just like everyone else so they don't look at me weird. I don't leave the house much, I went out a few weeks ago for a walk in the park, but other than that, last 6 months I have been inside. I'm rambling, I will leave it at that for now.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,423
Hi RTraveler,

Welcolme, hope you find what you are looking for here.

As for the episode when you were 7 that doesn't sound psychotic to me, it sounds like an angry, distressed kid.

Also PTSD isn't only related to the forces it can be triggered by any traumatic incident.

Feel free to ramble if it helps :)
 
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