Hi all been lurking to long

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Gazd1971

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2016
Messages
20
Location
Uk
#1
Hi, As the title says been reading posts for about 4 weeks now so thought
it was time i said hi,
About me 45 male marriage failed 12 months ago, lived on a boat on the canal in Garstang for 6 months now living with my father.
Been anerexic since 11 years old also i guess had anxiety/depression since.
Had some major episodes over the last 6-9 months breakdowns harry carry attempt.
Had a nightmare with mh services or my father/sister has helping me.
After 12 months of if will be i get to see someone who can diagnose / help.
On 100mg Sertraline which i have been on 3 months prior to this citalapram 30mg.
Not sure if its me but i still feel not much better. I was using alchol to self medicate
For a long time but have now been dry since before xmas as the hospital phsc
advised they would not help otherwise. Well that didn't help so much as the
Harry carry event took place in april i had so many things going on prior i thought i was already dead. I was a ghost all felt very real add migraine and i just broke and did something stupid. I was a little shocked to wake up in the morning.
The thing i find odd is death doesn't scare me i was ready to embrace it
i was saying hi to family and ready to see them again i'm not relgious but
I know about ghosts lived with one for years.
I best go Game of Thones to watch.
Sorry bit random but.
Hope to chat with you guys.
Take care.

Gary.
 
H

HopeEternal

Active member
Joined
Jul 21, 2016
Messages
38
#2
Welcome Gary I am new here as well. Wishing you well!
 
G

Gazd1971

Member
Joined
Jun 24, 2016
Messages
20
Location
Uk
#4
Hi, Again, just read that back was a bit wierd.

This is a note i wrote when i was having a bad few days anyone make sense of it this is verbatim.

A feeling of going insane blackbird talking garden does not feel real. Life doesn'y feel real. Thoughts of fear being mad loss of identity. Had to walk felt like a ghost if i was to come bavk. No one spoke not even a hello all the way dispair now i must be a ghost as i'm not visible am i already gone perhaps this is what us reakity. walked a long way thirsty met a guy was disabled had a chat felt alive went outside looked out thoughts of blackness is he sending a message of impending doome i cant tell head is hurting so bad can't see. Why oh does this make me feel so alone. Had a drink for the first time and very strange a calmness that i have not had for so long meyhaps for a brief time i maybe aloud less darkness as i feel alive.Luke has gone got to thjink of otherthings tell a dog not to eat a bone. Headache i cant take it preyence is getting harder.

Thanks for the welcome.
Gary