• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hi - advice needed!

E

enoughisenough

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2021
Messages
3
Location
gu1
I have just joined this site as l can't deal with my narcissistic mother anymore. I don't really know who to talk to. I have friends l have talked to but l sense they don't really get it. My mother has always been totally self centred. I grew up in her shadow constantly. She always had to be the better looking one, the more popular etc. I didn't appreciate how bad this was until l had therapy a few years ago. My mother has never been on her own. She married young and went straight from divorcing my father into another marriage that lasted over 30 years. My stepfather died nearly 6 years ago. Since he died her already bad behaviour is now just intolerable. She has become an alcoholic (l know this as l have been sober for 14 years and had many similar traits) she starts drinking at midday and just carries on. She is breaking all Covid rules, just because 'she is lonely' as if she is different from everyone else! She sends me vile texts (clearly after drinking to excess as they are barely coherent) saying that she doesn't understand why l won't let her see my kids (because of Covid, her blatant refusal to adhere to the rules, coupled with out of control drinking). She continually emotionally blackmails me. She has also said she hates my husband who has been incredibly generous to her. She rings me every day! It feels like she does it deliberately to push my buttons. She never asks how l am (very depressed) but just goes on about herself. I don't want to talk to her. I actually hate her but l know l can't confront her about her behaviour as she will do her 'poor me' act and say how evil and cruel l am. I think her alcoholism is at the centre of it all but because l am in recovery she thinks that l am obsessed with drinking and passing judgment on others drinking (only hers and my brother. I am sure we have a hereditary gene) l am at my wits end and it is making me feel ill. I wanted to see if anyone else had experience and how they dealt with it? xx
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Jun 16, 2020
Messages
5,610
Location
Norway
Hi enoughisenough welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
L

Lefty33

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Mattawa
I went through a similar situation with my narsasistic mom. We went to therapy first but nothing changed, then I stopped talking to her and she started mailing me things a mother would hang on to of me from my childhood. It's been 5 years now after I changed my address so she'd stop with the mail. It sent me into a state of shock every time. Now there is silence and my kid doesn't have to deal with the drama. Are things better? I miss my toxic family but it's because I'm human. That's how I handled it. Hope this helps.
 
E

enoughisenough

New member
Joined
Feb 18, 2021
Messages
3
Location
gu1
Thanks so much for your reply. I feel like l want to totally cut her out but l am almost scared to as she lives quite close by. Every day she has to contact me in some way and every time she does l get upset/angry/totally distressed. My kids are picking up on it and my son found me in tears over one of her hurtful texts. I honestly don't believe she will ever change as she will not take any criticism whatsoever. Do l have it out with her (not sure l trust myself and it won't have any effect bar her telling everyone l am clearly having a breakdown/drinking again/on drugs!)) or do l just allow it to keep happening?
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
E Newbie hello all... looking for any advice being in a relationship with BPD Introduce Yourself 7
L Newbie looking for advice Introduce Yourself 2
Wheelie Bin Barry Hi, im new, 28, skizoaffective, advice welcome Introduce Yourself 101
M Hello - Just looking for advice/insight. Introduce Yourself 7
U NEEDING ANY HELP/ ADVICE... PLEASE! Introduce Yourself 4
Fay F New here...seeking advice/help/support for myself Introduce Yourself 8
F A little help and advice please Introduce Yourself 5
B Hi - I need some advice... Introduce Yourself 5
A Help! I’m an introvert and I need advice Introduce Yourself 12
J Hi.brand new to this.i have just been diagnosed with clclothymic disorder.any advice on this would be more than grateful.thanks. Introduce Yourself 6
A Just joined, wondering if anyone could offer me some advice Introduce Yourself 13
W Hi! I really need your advice. Introduce Yourself 10
D Looking for advice w some issues of mine Introduce Yourself 5
S Hi I'm new need advice and might be able to give some. Introduce Yourself 5
Z Hi, New here looking for advice. Introduce Yourself 8
A New looking for advice for my wifes anxiety Introduce Yourself 6
N Hi! Looking for some advice or ideas on to finding a solution Introduce Yourself 2
J Looking for advice/help on what to do about my brother Introduce Yourself 12
K Hello everyone. I'm in need of advice. Introduce Yourself 4
Butterfly_girl New here, hoping for advice Introduce Yourself 5
L Hi there im looking for some advice Introduce Yourself 12
N New here. Seeking advice before finding a therapist Introduce Yourself 4
K I hope I get good advice how to heal my anxiety Introduce Yourself 7
O Any advice please... Introduce Yourself 4
N Seeking help & advice Introduce Yourself 2
R Needing advice on work/life issues Introduce Yourself 1
D In search of some advice Introduce Yourself 7
Chrissyhay101 Feeling empty ND I need advice Introduce Yourself 1
C hello, need some urgent advice and/or experience sharing Introduce Yourself 7
Wreck_tangles Looking for advice. Introduce Yourself 4
K Hi. Advice? Introduce Yourself 1
W Advice appreciated Introduce Yourself 5
B Here for advice Introduce Yourself 1
J Hey everyone! Just here for some advice. Introduce Yourself 5
A Advice Please Introduce Yourself 4
F New member looking for advice and support Introduce Yourself 3
R New member, looking for advice and help. Introduce Yourself 14
L New member, looking for advice Introduce Yourself 6
C Medication Advice OCD & psychosis Introduce Yourself 2
C Looking for advice to help my girlfriend Introduce Yourself 2
T Hi! Seeking advice Introduce Yourself 4
1 Looking for advice on how to help a family member Introduce Yourself 6
B Hi new user looking for any advice Introduce Yourself 9

Similar threads

Top