• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Heya! Warning this will be long! >.< Sorry!

Z

ZomboysKitten

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
3
Well, not really sure what to put here but I guess it seems a good place to start! Will also say please excuse my spelling, it tends to be pretty dire at times! Sorry this will probably be long as I have no one to turn as no one is willing to help around me apart from my other half and his mother, it is unfair for me to burden so.

I'm only 21, so a baby still I supose! I suffer from numerous things, some more severly than others. Depression is most certainly one (though is also partly a result of other problems), I was officially diagonosed with depression at 16 but have, myself, knowingly from around 11 when life at secondary school began.

I also suffer from BDD, body dysmorphic disorder. To me I look wrong; I am too thin, my legs are too long, my hair is too short, I am too spotty, I'm not curvy enough. I spend hours staring at myself in the mirror annalising everything wrong with myself, putting at my hair, picking at my skin to make it smoother, trying on outfit after outfit to try and look ok. It's a nightmare, if I want to go outside even to the corner shop to get some more bin bags it can take several hours before I feel I look ok enough to venture out.

I mainly suffer from social anixtey issues which have always been apparent yet over the past year and a half have spiraled beyond my control. I will rarely leave my flat now. Even if I have no food I will not go out to get for fear of other people. Around here everytime I venture out I can say on of the following will occur and has occured numerous times before.

I will be spat at.
Recieve verbal abuse about my apperance, the only things I love about myself are my bright blue dreads, floaty clothes and a few surface the latter should certainly know better!
Assaulted. I have been kicked, punched (had my nose broken when I was 14 by a 12 year old because of my apperance).
Or even have something thrown at me.

Holding down a job is near enough impossible for me as often I am unable to leave the house or will have panic attacks at work or fits making me a danger to myself and possibly others. I had to leave my second year of uni in Feb 09 as I was unable to leave my flat any more due to social anxiety and not having enough money to pay my rent, bills or even feed myself (I live in a flat on my own and have since I was 17).

Last thing I will mention is I do self harm. I have done so ever since I was 7. Very young I know, I was not aware of my actions in this was at that age, it was a way of punishing myself for not getting grades my parents wanted me to. I'd scratch myself and pull my hair out. Over the years this has worsed, resulting in earlier this year having to have an ambulance called as I went through the fatty tissue on my leg and was quite a long cut. I worry about how I cannot control this and how t also hurts my other half to see it.


Anyhoo, I have waffled a lot... Sorry! I have never tried a forum like this before but hope it will help me in some way as I have no one to turn to. I have been on a waiting list for help for over a year and have gotten nothing. I am hoping this will help support me.

Once again sorry for the massive amount of text!
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
Hi there and :welcome:, as I was reading I really felt for you. I have a daughter who I truly adore, and she is already saying things like 'I'm fat'!!!! Society and the stuff it lays on people, directly or indirectly is pretty dark.

Hope you enjoy your stay here. It's a great place to rant. I've done it more than once, that's for sure ;)

(edited to add, that post wasn't long...it was easily digestable!!!)
 
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C

confusedwings

Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2009
Messages
6
Location
Westborough, MA
Hi

I think I have BDD, too. I know how it feels. Not being able to finish your shopping because of this one pretty person at the beginning of the grocery line. Then going home feeling like crap, and not leaving the house for the next week unless i'm wearing baggy clothes and a mask full of makeup. Obviously not put on by myself, because i'll never be able to do it right, and no matter what, i'll always look ugly. Plus, the anxiety doesn't help at all. Please PM me, i'd love to stay in touch. I cut, too. I've been doing it for a year (I'm 13). Lately it's been worse, because of bad medication switches. My email is ***Email suppressed - Please exchange via PM*** if you want to email me. Bye! and good luck incase we don't stay in contact.
 
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Z

ZomboysKitten

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
3
Thank you ever so much for the welcome messages ^.^ I'm looking forward to speaking to you all on here at some point I'm sure! X
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
Zomboys, confusedwings gave you her email in her post and wants to make contact beyond the forum. I had to delete her email address in line with anonymity guidelines of the forum. Pop her a private message and get her to give you the email. It would be a shame for you not to make more personal contact if you wanted. Quite a few of us chat via MSN which can be more real time, and feel less impersonal.
 
Z

ZomboysKitten

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
3
Yar, I understand why you had to. I just poped her a quick PM with my email in as it's always good to have someone else to talk to about things ^.^

It seems great here, been having a quick gander around threads and everyone seems so supportive of each other.
 
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