• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Heya new here

A

Alaska_king9045

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
Hi I'm Alaska, and I don't know what is wrong with me, I joined this forum to hopefully understand a bit more and talk to people who are going through the same thing for tips and help. I thought the best thing to start with is list what I am feeling so here goes:
I blame for everything that happens - though I definately deserve it
There is this voice in my head which controls half of me meaning sometimes I am stuck on what I am doing cause I am fighting with this voice - most of the time this voice comments in everything I do mainly saying that I'm only doing it for attention. Which makes me question what I like what I dont like who my friends are the people I dont like whether I acc like or dislike them. This voice causes panic sort of attacks because I can't decide and then I get stuck in a circle because the voice in my head tells me that he is only there because I am looking for attention and I tell him to shut up but it doesn't work I can't.
Have self harmed
I feel like the person I act like isn't me I feel like I'm pretending and acting and not behaving like me but i don't know who am I am at all - I dont know who the hell i am and supposed to act like all I know is the person who I pretend to be isn't me. But the people around me know me as this outgoing person who talks a lot and is a sort of bitch but they let it slide cause they say its just me and I am joking which annoys me cuz I don't want to be let off of the hook, but if I don't act like that then they know something is wrong and I don't want that because I like the way they see me and I don't want to explain it cause its confusing and hard to explain.
The voice in my head adds to the reason I don't know who I am because what if I only love the song sweater weather because someone I love likes it not because I acc like it myself or I only like gilmore girls because no one knows it and I want to be different so not because I acc like the show. Also do i like boys or girls or is it just my brain saying i like boys cause i want to be straight or is it my mind saying i want to like girls and makes me think I like girls. Like do i acc like Joe or is it just something i am making up. And I am obsessive with these thoughts and they won't go away. Like what if nothing i feel is real what if its all a concept of my imagination. I dont know how to explain it.
I am very clingy and am very scared that people will want to leave me for someone better. So I call them a lot and dont like going anywhere by myself or being left by myself cause I'm scared when I come back they'll have gone or that they won't come back.
Sometimes tho I just want to be left completely alone and so I will not call or text anyone and push my friends away. Either because I want to be left alone or I feel that i am a toxic friend and am bad for them so I want to help them and punish myself by leaving them alone.
I get angry very quickly and will almost always lash out even if I was very happy the second before. I will often resort to physical violence and struggle to control my anger. And I do not understand how other people can do it.
I understand that some of these things may be the same for everyone else and I'm sorry if so I don't know how other people feel inside their head. I just want to know if anyone feels the same way as me and has any idea whether I am meant to feel like this or any idea what I could have.
Thank you, Alaska
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
6,357
Location
Nashua NH
Hi Alaska welcome to the forums. I know there are other members here on the forum who hear voices. Hopefully they will be by to respond to your posting here shortly. Have you spoken with your doctor about this and the other issues you mentioned here? There are medications and treatments (therapy) that can make them more manageable. It’s nice to have you here with us. Warmly, j
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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Joined
Dec 9, 2020
Messages
1,564
Location
Canada
most young people have low self esteem. because they compare themselves to everyone that is older than them. and in comparison they are worse. so they think they are genetically inferior. but really they are just worse because their brain has not had enough time to learn.

also people compare their behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. meaning you compare your worst to everyone elses best. you dont see and hear about their problems only your own so you think you are genetically inferior and they are gods.

this all leads to low serotonin which leads to more shaming which leads to even lower serotonin. and it all creates fear which leads to more shaming which leads to more fear etc.. etc..... next thing the person becomes so broken they have to get diagnosed as mentally ill.

what starts all this is usually some small mistake or small flaw that the mind gets fixated on and goes from there. triggering all the comparing and shaming downward spiral
 
A

Alaska_king9045

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
Hi Alaska welcome to the forums. I know there are other members here on the forum who hear voices. Hopefully they will be by to respond to your posting here shortly. Have you spoken with your doctor about this and the other issues you mentioned here? There are medications and treatments (therapy) that can make them more manageable. It’s nice to have you here with us. Warmly, j
Hi j, thank you for replying I'm scared to go to the doctors because it would require me telling my parents and I'm really scared about telling them. Do you have any suggestions on how to talk to my parents about this? Alaska
 
A

Alaska_king9045

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
most young people have low self esteem. because they compare themselves to everyone that is older than them. and in comparison they are worse. so they think they are genetically inferior. but really they are just worse because their brain has not had enough time to learn.

also people compare their behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. meaning you compare your worst to everyone elses best. you dont see and hear about their problems only your own so you think you are genetically inferior and they are gods.

this all leads to low serotonin which leads to more shaming which leads to even lower serotonin. and it all creates fear which leads to more shaming which leads to more fear etc.. etc..... next thing the person becomes so broken they have to get diagnosed as mentally ill.

what starts all this is usually some small mistake or small flaw that the mind gets fixated on and goes from there. into all the comparing and shaming.
Thats really scary to think about but you are right and that is definitely what caused it because I fixate on every thing I do which could be considered bad or mean and I can't help it and it makes me feel like a really bad person.
 
soul searching

soul searching

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
731
Location
Clearwater, Florida
You are a good person with some mental problems. I agree that you need professional help and possibly medicine. The best way to talk to your parents is from the heart. Be as open as possible.
They love you and will want to help you.
 
A

Alaska_king9045

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
You are a good person with some mental problems. I agree that you need professional help and possibly medicine. The best way to talk to your parents is from the heart. Be as open as possible.
They love you and will want to help you.
Thanks :) I will try again. I've been trying, but the last times I just couldn't get the words out.
 
soul searching

soul searching

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
731
Location
Clearwater, Florida
Thanks :) I will try again. I've been trying, but the last times I just couldn't get the words out.
Writing it down might help. If you are not ready, and need more time to think, you could also give yourself a date as to how much longer you need to feel ready. If you are really nervous, you could ask yourself what is he worst thing that could happen when you talk to them. Hope some of this helps.
 
A

Alaska_king9045

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
6
Location
London
Writing it down might help. If you are not ready, and need more time to think, you could also give yourself a date as to how much longer you need to feel ready. If you are really nervous, you could ask yourself what is he worst thing that could happen when you talk to them. Hope some of this helps.
Thats a good idea actually, thank you. That helps.
 
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