- Dec 6, 2020
- Palm Springs
At the end of my rope. Decided to try and do the responsible thing about a year ago and tackle my issues with professionals but it also carried a stigma of being “certifiable”, but pretending it wasn’t there obviously wasn’t working. Come to find out, you name it, I got it. And the meds and therapy helped a little, but it just feels like I’m trying to keep a ship from taking on water with nothing but a spoon. Once I was diagnosed, things spiraled quickly. Changed the meds, listened to the therapist, but it’s no use. Talked to my NP today about changing my meds up, but I think I’ve given up on the idea it’ll make a difference. Always been depressed, paranoid, anxiety ridden and apparently much worse according to the experts. Writing this because it’s becoming crippling. Figured this is why these forums are here, so I’ll give it a shot. Although I think I’m past salvaging, it helps to know that I’m not alone at least with my issues. I try to assign a purpose to what I’m going through, make something out of it for someone else, but the sadness is even starting to blur that. It’s gonna kill me. And that’s fine. It’s all for someone else. But once that reality comes knocking on your door instead of lurking in the shadows, the sadness becomes unbearable. So, gonna start taking the meds I can again tomorrow and slowly deteriorate and pray it doesn’t show outwardly. Best I can hope for.