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Hey there! My name is Grace

S

SahsaG

New member
Joined
Aug 9, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Macon ga
:prop:<—— I feel like this most of the time.
I need :help: In my mental health journey. I have the same problems over and over again.
I meet a guy. FALL IN LOVE LIKE “never before” a few months later he has seen every side but right. Outbursts, anger, sadness, childlike, my paranoid self, the bad ass side, and the angel. I have been diagnosed with BPD and schizo affective disorder. I feel “normal” for about 3 weeks or so. Always a little tired around this time. Then severe debilitating depression. I sleep like I am in a coma. Then comes the energy. Hey hey! The first day I’m cool. Seem sharp as a tack. Sleep well. Eat well. People love me. Then I inevitably start to have delusions and hallucinations. I have actually projected human images that did not exist and gotten upset that I was being “cheated on.” This is when I isolate myself from the world. I become apathetic and numb. Void is visibly on my face and suicidal ideations are normal. The only reason I survive my mind is because of its creativity, deep rooted humor. And I’m intelligent. I learned how to seem “normal ish” in public despite how I may think or feel. But it drains my soul. There are times I honestly am so sad it is like I have no joy in my soul. I feel so helpless and that angers me. I usually treat my partner like shit by speaking fast and during manias, for some reason, it seems my vocabulary is much larger than usual and I am able to articulate in such a profound and dominating way that I intimidate my partner. But I can be mean too. At the time it never seems or feels like I am wrong. I don’t yell or curse. I berate and over explain every little detail. When they joke with me I take everything so critically. And then I am a bumbling fool. Can’t price two words together. Guilt are in. I can feel again. I’m not invincible. I’m human. And I hate the person that I have to say is me even though I don’t feel like it was me. I have struggled to keep friendships and I’m so tired of these disorders that I sometimes just feel like why not just give up. You’re an idiot to keep trying. You will always eventually be alone. Why wouldn’t they run? You were born a monster. Any advice? I want to live a normal life to the best of my ability. Please help me. I’m 38. Thanks.
 
Bod

Bod

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
6,595
Location
MR POSITIVE
Hello SashaG, welcome to the forum I hope you find any answers you may have in the different threads, as all members and staff are very helpful and caring.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
7,038
Location
A comet
Hello SahsaG, welcome to the forum.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Admin
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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
22,326
Location
England
Hi,



It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
toutatis

toutatis

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
1,607
Location
New Zealand
You're among friends and kindred spirit's here Grace, and I want to wish you a warm welcome to the forum. Welcome. 👋👋
 
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