Hey there, I guess I just need some guidance.

D

Detrix08

New member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Oregon
#1
Thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you'd like I would really appreciate if you would comment or dm me when finished. Hey so I'm new here and not really used to this kind of thing, but I just need some opinions, I was diagnosed with psychosis around 2 years ago along with severe clinical depression, I was hospitalized a couple of times and put on meds and therapy, everything essentially went back to normal. But I decided to quite therapy and to stop taking my meds several months ago and even decided to go back to smoking weed for a couple of weeks in the beginning before I decided to stop again, every few weeks I just start drinking alcohol and it gets pretty bad, but recently I've noticed some delusions are coming back, no hallucinations, but I also don't really care, what I really care about is how or if I should execute my plan of just doing a ton of acid or smoking Molly, maybe even dmt, for a few reasons, 1 when I did acid the first time (that's how I got psychosis) aside from all the bad I learned alot, but I've never tried dmt and want to have a breakthrough and experience that, and 2 I just want to get full on schizophrenia and be put away again but this time for good, and I know that sounds incredibly ignorant but hear me out. The only people I care about in my life (my siblings) are the same people who would care the least, I have had conversations with my brother about how he would never visit me, and he told me he wishes I had just gone there for good or even died when I was doing alot of drugs in the past, he said he was looking forward to it and has no intentions of staying connected with me in the future, same goes with my sister, I have caused so much pain to my family I can't even look them in the eyes and it's been years since everything went down, what I really want to do is just end myself but I am to scared, honestly I just want to become a vegetable and live in the hospital or under someone's care for the rest of my life, I figure it would be better than going homeless or being in prison which is inevitable, I have a lot of dark thoughts and it takes every fiber in my body not to let them come to fruition. So really, messing up my brain even more, to me sounds like a good thing, if it means keeping others safe. I don't know, it's just this has been weighing on me alot for about the past month, I already have people I can get the drugs I need from and I don't know why I haven't made that call, so I'm just hoping someone can give some insight, maybe you've been through something similar.
Sorry about the length just needed to get this out there.
I don't know what to do.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,054
Location
Florida
#2
Hi Welcome to the forum. Glad you are getting things off your mind. Sounds pretty serious what you are going through right now.

I believe that you may need to go into the mental health hospital again and get your mind straight you may need to be back on medications and Therapy would be a plus as you can talk about how you are feeling.

Do not go down the drug path. sounds like you have been doing pretty good not smoking weed and using drugs.
Sorry about your family my family does not talk to me either due to my past drug and alcohol abuse they just had enough of it.

Sending lots of hugs to you and please stay away from the drugs until you go into treatment and maybe you will be better without the drugs.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 6, 2017
Messages
812
#3
Don't do it. With schizophrenia you usually are not just put away in a hospital for the rest of your life. You go in and out and in and out depending on how bad your symptoms flare up. Schizophrenia can really make your life more difficult. It sounds like you need something different, like maybe you are depressed to want to do such a self destructive thing. Can you get in to see a doctor or get therapy of some kind?
 
S

sobika

New member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Fayetteville
#4
Hi Welcome to the forum. Glad you are getting things off your mind. Sounds pretty serious what you are going through right now.

I believe that you may need to go into the mental health hospital again and get your mind straight you may need to be back on medications and Therapy would be a plus as you can talk about how you are feeling.

Do not go down the drug path. sounds like you have been doing pretty good not smoking weed and using drugs.
Sorry about your family my family does not talk to me either due to my past drug and alcohol abuse they just had enough of it.

Sending lots of hugs to you and please stay away from the drugs until you go into treatment and maybe you will be better without the drugs.
 
S

sobika

New member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Fayetteville
#5
you will be alright soon. you have good control within yourself that not turning back to drugs and weeds. It’s an urge within ourselves to try new things that is self destructive to us and others and we know it’s not good for us and others but still curious to get to know that. Urge and curiousity is like a monster in head 👹 asks us to be self destructive. Just ignore that 👊🏼. don’t do anything just sleep ...take medication it supports you to get back to normal.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
783
Location
Sheffiield
#6
Rather than turning to drugs and institutionalising yourself how about you start a family of your own by finding someone to care about other than your siblings and who'll care about you.

DMT was the cause of my psychosis 3 years ago but not for having taking any myself, the human brain can produce it naturally and mine was over-producing making me very high and susceptible to my voice making me paranoid and delusional.

Thankfully I only spent 9 days on a ward before I came down from my high and my family were the best advocates I could have asked for, I could have been there for weeks if it wasn't for them.

I learnt that everyone has a voice inside them wether they hear them or not and yours sounds like a bad one giving you dark thoughts and taking advantage of you when you're high like mine used to. Don't give power to your voice and carry on fighting it, if you're having trouble get some anti-psychotics again because they weaken voices a lot and make them easier to handle.

Good luck!
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
A Introduce Yourself 2
B Introduce Yourself 5
M Introduce Yourself 10
S Introduce Yourself 6
B Introduce Yourself 12

Similar threads