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Hey there, feeling desperate

ketuntassut

ketuntassut

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Finland
I don't even know what to say. I feel hopeless, I don't see a future for myself right now, I'm constantly afraid, anxious, I feel shame, and triggers are everywhere. Hell's gates have opened; everything that i've felt ashamed about (not guilty), everything I've been afraid about, stuff that i've pushed away because they we're too scary, it's all here right now and i'm terrified.
I have an emergency meeting with a psychologist next monday, so I have to get trough today, saturday and sunday. I feel so absolutelly horrible and I think this is called a mental crisis.

Recently happend something very disturbing to me, and I feel a wonderful mixture of Shame, Terror, Despair. My doctor prescribed me an emergency anxiety medication just for this weekend, I know about TIP-techniques and other methods to help handle anxiety. But only the medication works, kind of.

I recently upped my dose of my methylphenidate, and the next day everyting was just too much. I've now stopped taking it as of tomorrow (doctor said it was okay).

But the thing I need is hope. Is this something that will pass? Has someone else felt this hopeless but still made it? I know I can call a crisis hotline, or stroll into an emergency room i've done it before, but this time... somehow everything thats supposted to feel comforting like petting my dog, knowing i'll see a psykologist soon, knowing I can check into a mental ward, all that just makes me feel worse... I told a trusted person the thing that triggered all this, but I just felt worse. The only things that has made me feel hopeful is, understanding whats happening to me, but the feeling only lasts minutes...
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,322
I'm guessing the trusted person you confided in wasn't very helpful... In times of turmoil we need stability, security and a way forward. It may well mean seeking the help and support of others, especially if circumstances are that over-whelming that we can't think straight. With that in mind are there the right sort of people you can call on who can provide some of the answers you need and/or looking for. :hug:
 
BadWolf10

BadWolf10

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Mar 18, 2021
Messages
77
Location
UK
I understand you, I find that during those darker times reaching out via support groups like this are helpful because there is very little judgement and sometimes you need a strangers voice to reassure you that it will not be like this forever, and you will get there
 
ketuntassut

ketuntassut

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Finland
I'm guessing the trusted person you confided in wasn't very helpful... In times of turmoil we need stability, security and a way forward. It may well mean seeking the help and support of others, especially if circumstances are that over-whelming that we can't think straight. With that in mind are there the right sort of people you can call on who can provide some of the answers you need and/or looking for. :hug:
Actually, the person I opened up to, it did actually help later, to know that i've shared it with somebody. They did some research and found and organisation that are experts with the stuff i'm struggling with. So at least I know that when i'm ready, there is someone experienced that I can reach out to.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
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8,637
Location
Nashua NH
It sounds like you are in crisis and crisis usually only occurs for a short period of time. With the right help you can get through this. Just continue to reach out to supports and trusted professionals. You can continue to type here on the forums if you like and we will be here to support you in getting through this. I hope things improve for you soon. xo, j
 
ketuntassut

ketuntassut

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Finland
I understand you, I find that during those darker times reaching out via support groups like this are helpful because there is very little judgement and sometimes you need a strangers voice to reassure you that it will not be like this forever, and you will get there
Yeah, thank you for this. <3
 
ketuntassut

ketuntassut

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Finland
It sounds like you are in crisis and crisis usually only occurs for a short period of time. With the right help you can get through this. Just continue to reach out to supports and trusted professionals. You can continue to type here on the forums if you like and we will be here to support you in getting through this. I hope things improve for you soon. xo, j
Yeah, hearing this actually helps. Thank you so much.
 
V

Vegan_veggie

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Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
191
Location
Uk
Yes I’m in the same boat. Crying and hyperventilating almost endlessly. Hopeless about everything and terrified to die as much as live.
 
V

Vegan_veggie

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Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
191
Location
Uk
What stuff is it? Must be an existential crisis. No point in living because it hurts but dying seems just as bad or even worse. Goodluck my friend 💖
 
C

CabbageMama

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Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
804
Location
UK
Yes, it will pass. Yes, I have felt this hopeless - it is an up and down kind of passing, but it mostly feels easier at times. I feel a lot more in control of it, but it is what it is. I find by acknowledging it, how I feel about it, why I am angry/sad/ashamed etc about it - either a stressful event, or how I feel after one, really does help. It is often taking control of how you are feeling that helps you make sense of it. Really hard to do on your own when your emotions are all in turmoil. Try and convince yourself you are a fighter now. Breathe and put your shoulders back and start feeling strong and powerful. That will help you be ready for your Psych appt on Monday. Make a list of things you need them to know, then answer their questions. If they don’t mention something on your list, make sure you say it. You will feel so much better after that appointment is done, especially if you are confident that you have given them all the information to be able to help you. X
 
ketuntassut

ketuntassut

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Finland
What stuff is it? Must be an existential crisis. No point in living because it hurts but dying seems just as bad or even worse. Goodluck my friend 💖
Well, first off, very complicated feelings regarding an very disturbing sexual event, after that, my fantasy world that I've used as an coping mechanism (to combat loneliness, being different, feeling unlovable etc.) kind of just collapsed. I knew the fantasy world or the characters we're not real, but suddently the coping mechanism just, gave out, and I felt all of the horrible feelings that I used it to cope with, along with overwhelming feeling of grief. So you know.... stuff...
 
ketuntassut

ketuntassut

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Finland
Yes, it will pass. Yes, I have felt this hopeless - it is an up and down kind of passing, but it mostly feels easier at times. I feel a lot more in control of it, but it is what it is. I find by acknowledging it, how I feel about it, why I am angry/sad/ashamed etc about it - either a stressful event, or how I feel after one, really does help. It is often taking control of how you are feeling that helps you make sense of it. Really hard to do on your own when your emotions are all in turmoil. Try and convince yourself you are a fighter now. Breathe and put your shoulders back and start feeling strong and powerful. That will help you be ready for your Psych appt on Monday. Make a list of things you need them to know, then answer their questions. If they don’t mention something on your list, make sure you say it. You will feel so much better after that appointment is done, especially if you are confident that you have given them all the information to be able to help you. X
Thank you! This helps. Alot. I'm supposted to see a friend today, they might be able to help me make a clear list of whats going on!
 
V

Vegan_veggie

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
191
Location
Uk
Well, first off, very complicated feelings regarding an very disturbing sexual event, after that, my fantasy world that I've used as an coping mechanism (to combat loneliness, being different, feeling unlovable etc.) kind of just collapsed. I knew the fantasy world or the characters we're not real, but suddently the coping mechanism just, gave out, and I felt all of the horrible feelings that I used it to cope with, along with overwhelming feeling of grief. So you know.... stuff...
Sending you my support 💛
 
Beta012

Beta012

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Joined
Mar 12, 2021
Messages
94
Location
United States
Welcome, I know how severe mental moods can be.
I have felt hopeless before and got through it. Never been to a mental ward or an ER just for depression as my family is extremely reluctant to send me to one and they also never called a hotline but I have heard those have been helpful for others that need instant help. It took a ton of effort for me to not get hopeless, and yeah I'm still depressed, but I just know that the days keep going on even if I don't want them to.
Sending hugs your way, I hope you'll feel better eventually.
 
ketuntassut

ketuntassut

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2021
Messages
52
Location
Finland
Welcome, I know how severe mental moods can be.
I have felt hopeless before and got through it. Never been to a mental ward or an ER just for depression as my family is extremely reluctant to send me to one and they also never called a hotline but I have heard those have been helpful for others that need instant help. It took a ton of effort for me to not get hopeless, and yeah I'm still depressed, but I just know that the days keep going on even if I don't want them to.
Sending hugs your way, I hope you'll feel better eventually.
Thank you so much. You're a lovely person for trying to make me feel better even though you're in a rough place as well. You're very strong, you keep going even though it's hard. Keep it up friend.
 
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