• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hey, nice to meet you all

M

Magnix92

New member
Joined
Jun 13, 2020
Messages
1
Location
United Kingdom
Hi everyone, I'm Tom.

Just to tell you about myself and my experiences with mental health. I have suffered from depression since I was about 14 or 15 (Am now 27) and am on an anti-depressant, although I've had periods since then where my mood has lifted, although recent times have been difficult due to lockdown restricting participating in activities I used to enjoy such as running and attending the gym.

I also suffer from low self-esteem and also have anxiety, OCD and Aspergers' Syndrome. As a result I've had limited experiences of social life due to partly previously actively avoiding activities due to fear of being judged or not accepted due to my previous experience of feeling rejected at school, although academically I have excelled and even completed a three year BA Hons Digital Media Production Course with a 2:1 Grade. I tend to catastrophize situations and overthink a lot and worry about the worst thing that could happen.

Sometimes even getting out of bed has been a huge struggle for me as well as sticking to eating regular meals due to lack of motivation and feeling inadequate. I compare myself to other people frequently especially guys my age or younger who are in a relationship; I am fully aware that not all relationships are positive and indeed know people who have experienced abuse from their ex-partners but for the last two years I have been fixated on getting a girlfriend due to feeling I have a severe lack of experience in this area; I had a two month relationship when I was 21 but this ended due to us discovering we were not compatible with each other.

I am trying to focus on developing my career but have struggled finding work; I tried working at an estate agent company as a graphic design artist but since it was my first proper job I made mistakes and did things other people there found unprofessional such as surfing the web and them feeling I wasn't fully motivated. In my most recent job I was expecting to do more graphic design but instead was given basic office work and soon got bored.

I live on my own but not far from my Mum and both of us still miss our Dad who died at the beginning of 2018 who was an incredible man who was patient and loving and helped me when I was anxious and upset. I feel often lonely and unwanted and feel I'll never find love or be successful in life. On occasions I've had thoughts about not being here and attempted suicide earlier this year after a meltdown at work but was pinned down by my fellow co-workers.

I just want to be happy in my life but I feel so low and defeated and feel I have nothing to offer. I'm sorry to sound like I'm being negative or complaining but I would really appreciate hearing people's thoughts on my experiences and hope I can help other people who have struggled with mental health issues in the past as I have plenty of experience lol.

Hope everyone is doing okay during this time of social isolation,

Tom :)
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
19,839
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Hi Tom and welcome to the forum, we're happy to have you here :welcome:

i myself have got more issues than a newsagents shop ;)

well done on graduating though, you are amazing :hug:
 
P

PerpetuallyStuck

Guest
For what it's worth, you've achieved higher qualifications, had a girlfriend, managed to go to things like the gym, and live on your own which is more than I have done. You have OCD and Aspergers, I only have been diagnosed with Social Anxiety.

You've done really well to get to have accomplished so much. I can relate to feeling the need for a partner and comparing to people who are in relationships. I once worked in a town centre, on a till, watching couples passing by during the summer. It was really tough, I felt like I was missing out. That was over a decade ago. I still miss out. I hope you can fare better.
 
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