• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

hey new to the forum, apologies for the long post

L

Liverpool29

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Somerset
Hey there,
New to this forum, joined today as I feel a bit at a loose end and didn't know where to go really, I will start at the beginning, I'm a 23 year old male I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and bpd. I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 5 years ago and then got diagnosed with bpd about a year ago after attempting suicide, I'm currently with cmht on a waiting list for dbt, obviously with everything going on on the world right now its all going to take a bit longer to get started. Will waiting im getting phone calls around once every 2 weeks from a cpn just to check up on me. This brings me to my issue, recently I've been struggling that bit more then what I usually do, it got to a point last weeks where I felt really agitated and that led to me attempting to take my own life, I left a note on the outside of the door warning no one to open it and to phone the police. At some point I started to panic and think am I making the right decision, I managed to stop myself and lay on the floor scared of what I could do to myself. I decided that I should phone my cpn as I didn't feel safe, I spoke to him and explained what happend, he asked me if this was a control thing, as before I have put myself in dangerous situations where I could kill myself but don't as when I act like this it gives me a sense of control of my life, I explained to him this wasn't the case, I genuinely wanted to die, anyways I got the feeling I wasn't believed and got told he would phone me the next day to check in on me, later that day he text me asking if I was keeping myself safe and I replied with yes I was keeping myself save but I had self harmed since I had last spoke to him. Its been 5 days since I made the attempt and I haven't heard anything since. I feel like cmht think I am doing all of this for attention and making everything up, I belive they want to discharge me from there service but can't as there's the possibility that I could harm myself further and that would look bad on them, surely if they believed me they would have phone me back? I don't know if its just me reading in to it to much (which is a possibility) but I'm thinking of discharging myself from there service as I don't feel like there helping me and feel like I'm wasting there time. Then again I don't know if me discharging myself will look like to them that I'm trying to get attention, which I'm genuinely not. Sorry for the long post and that is a bit of a ramble but writing isn't my strong point, just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? And what happens if I do try to discharge myself? Once again sorry for the long post
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
6,361
Location
Nashua NH
I’m sorry that you are going through such a tough time lately. I can certainly understand how, under the circumstances, your mental health team not calling you back could be cause for concern.
While I don’t know why they haven’t called to check up on you my guess would be that they are busy with many other people and, based on your history, that it seems like probably you are not in crisis where many other people are. I would give them the benefit of the doubt here with the understanding that these services are far from perfect. If you benefit from the services in any way I would not withdraw from them. Your provider might not know how serious your situation is and you might need to go out if your way to tell them, I am in danger of harming myself still and I require a phone call at least once a day. I would call them and let them know that you are disappointed because you had expected to hear from them following a serious attempt and you didn’t. That makes you think they are not taking the situation as seriously as they should. Tell them that you are in crisis and need someone to check in with you once a day in order to feel safe or receive hospitalization. I’m sure they don’t want to discharge you because you are clearly a person in need otherwise you would not be doing this so that part I would not worry so much about. It seems to me that you do need their service so try to work with them to ensure your own level of care. xo, j
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
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May 6, 2017
Messages
5,933
Location
Sheffiield
I'm sorry you've been feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

Also the Samaritans can be called for free on 116 123.

Take care.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
19,793
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Hi Liverpool and welcome to the forum, I'm so sorry you are struggling so much, please try and stay alive and please dont discharge yourself cause you deserve to be helped, if you discharge yourself they will think you dont need help and then if you reengage with them they will then be even more hesitant about helping you (i speak from experience) :hug:
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
17,712
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
You deserve help the same as anybody else, you are I believe in crisis.
I know it's not an attention thing, do you have a crisis number you can phone?
You can go to A/E for help to.
Or phone 111/999
Please seek help, it's hard when someone's suicidal as services don't always listen and they should.
We care here.
Well done for sharing your story.
Hugs
 
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