Hey i'm new on here

[Confusedandlabeled]

I have been having high levels of anxiety and paranoia since I was 14 i'm now 33. It started with a fear that an asteroid was going to hit earth and that people were following me and out to get me. A bit later I started worrying that various horror movie characters were going to kill me and I wouldn't sleep due to this really deep sense of why doesn't anybody believe me? My anxiety moved on to dwelling on and believing I had illnesses such as anything from a brain tumour and breathing /choking on food terrors to being certain I had things like rabies,polio meningitis and smallpox . At times it got so bad if I read an article or saw on TV something about illness I would be certain I had it and nobody would believe me I didn't have a childhood due to isolating myself . It's continued to this day only now I get terrified of going out even to do shopping more often than not my dad drives and accompanies everywhere . I feel so trapped . My mental health entered a very dark period from age 22- to present. At 26 I was put into a medium secure hospital and there they gave me alot of diagnosis such as ; paranoid personality disorder with schizoid traits , borderline personality disorder , histrionic personality disorder , narcissistic personality disorder , anti social personality disorder and a sadistic personality . I know these look bad but did I gain these from all my years of isolation and taking an obsession with serial killers believing I related to them and thinking about me being with them and doing things to people I believe want to hurt me , think bad of me etc? I can't stand this. I joined because I need to be understood to an extent and any advice would be great. Thank you.

 

[InfiniteRectangles]

I experience paranoia often so I understand what you are going through. Some days it's so bad that I can't go anywhere or be alone because I'm afraid that someone is going to kill me. And no one believes me either. Sometimes I think that the reason I hear voices is because I'm part of some sort of human experiment being led by the government and I fear that they will kill me if they know I'm on to them. But after a while, I realize that I am being delusional and the fear fades somewhat. I don't really know how to help you. I just want to say that I understand. Do you see a therapist? I feel like a therapist can help you work through some of this paranoia and help you figure out ways to cope with these feelings of wanting to do stuff to people. One thing my therapist taught me to do is to challenge some of these thoughts. For example, if you think you have polio, ask yourself logical questions like "What are the symptoms of polio? Do I have them? What is the likelihood of me getting polio?" Thinking your way through with logical questions can help you determine if it's something you should actually be concerned about

 

[Confusedandlabeled]

Thank you for the reply . Had a terrible morning :an hour of high anxiety!! I'm just so confused with everything right now