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Hey, I’m new to this and am just looking to see if there’s others in my position

N

Nik

New member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Dagenham
Me and my wife had been together 6 years & married for 3.
for the whole 6 years I had been very paranoid which made me controlling toward her as in didn’t want her to have friends & go out and socialise. I wanted her all to myself.
6 years later a marriage and a baby she has decided she cannot take anymore & left me.
I can see the errors in my ways & I can see how I have made her feel & I know what I have to do to change that & how to make her happy but she wants space at the moment & doesn’t know if she wants that.
i struggle to give her space because I miss her & out of fear of losing her completely or her believing if I give her space maybe I don’t care which I do.
what I have done & her consumes my brain 24/7 and it’s put me into a huge state of depression, I’m still going to work but only because if I was to lose my job I know I would have no chance of getting her back.
I don’t really see reason to live without her & I don’t know how much longer I can put up with the feelings & constant thoughts anymore.
I love her so much
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
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Jan 5, 2011
Messages
46,282
Location
Lancashire
You sound as though you need therapy urgently to sort through your thoughts and actions. What you were doing was a problem and you didn't mean it, I know that. But she can't cope any more. That I can understand.

There is an organisation called Relate who deal with relationships between people and have excellent therapists. There will be a waiting list but you should try contacting them to see if they can help. You can go alone or with your wife if she will go. Its the best I can think of off the top of my head.

I do appreciate you love her and hope that you can resolve this somehow. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything? Just a query.
 
Zig Zag

Zig Zag

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 29, 2019
Messages
395
Location
Milton Keynes
Hi Nik :welcome:to the forum You have been together for 6 years maybe there is something particular that has driven your partner away you could work on this or any other event that triggered her leaving you Hopefully she will not give up 6 years with you BUT you will have to change your ways Good Luck.:havingfun:
 
N

Nik

New member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Dagenham
You sound as though you need therapy urgently to sort through your thoughts and actions. What you were doing was a problem and you didn't mean it, I know that. But she can't cope any more. That I can understand.

There is an organisation called Relate who deal with relationships between people and have excellent therapists. There will be a waiting list but you should try contacting them to see if they can help. You can go alone or with your wife if she will go. Its the best I can think of off the top of my head.

I do appreciate you love her and hope that you can resolve this somehow. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything? Just a query.
I have my first therapy appointment on the 9th of the month & I’m really hoping that they can help me get to the roots of why I’m such an arsehole tbh. I don’t blame her for saying she has had enough at all & tbh it’s done me good because I’ve now realised what I was doing & how I made her feel. & it’s not right. But I just wish She would realise that I understand & I’m on the path to changing.
Weve been offered marriage counselling but she said she doesn’t have anything she needs to work on therefore doesn’t feel the need to do it.
No not yet diagnosed with anything I tend to keep a lot of stuff in have never really spoken to anyone about any of this before but I’m at breaking point and if I don’t get help I don’t think I will cope much longer.
Thankyou for your reply
 
L

Loopyloz

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Leicester
I have my first therapy appointment on the 9th of the month & I’m really hoping that they can help me get to the roots of why I’m such an arsehole tbh. I don’t blame her for saying she has had enough at all & tbh it’s done me good because I’ve now realised what I was doing & how I made her feel. & it’s not right. But I just wish She would realise that I understand & I’m on the path to changing.
Weve been offered marriage counselling but she said she doesn’t have anything she needs to work on therefore doesn’t feel the need to do it.
No not yet diagnosed with anything I tend to keep a lot of stuff in have never really spoken to anyone about any of this before but I’m at breaking point and if I don’t get help I don’t think I will cope much longer.
Thankyou for your reply
Hey Nick,

How did your first counselling appointment go mate?
 
N

Nik

New member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Dagenham
Erm it went okay Thankyou, I have been told I’m now clinically depressed which is pretty shit because I keep falling into stages of numbness & that didn’t help with therapy as I was feeling 0 emotion.
however my work also referred me for therapy and in that appointment I was definitely not numb I think I cried for the whole hour lol.
Hope your okay
 
J

Jezabella

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 14, 2019
Messages
154
Location
Newcastle-Upon-Tyne
Hi Nic, well done for starting therapy that’s the first hurdle out of the way! Good luck I hope it all works out for you. Is your wife also in therapy? It might be an idea for later when your in a better head space to try some couples sessions
 
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