H
hhhhk444
New member
Hi. I'm on here because I'm exhausted and facing another medication change, and feeling really, really alone.
I have diagnosed Bipolar I, panic disorder (that's not really an issue now) and PTSD and pre menstrual exacerbation (think PMS but you get psychotic before your period). Bipolar I might be more schizoaffective (I think that's the term they used? I have "standalone psychosis" that extends beyond my mood states) but the psychiatrist says that a change in label won't change treatment. So Bipolar I it is.
I have dealt with severe mania and depression since 13, and after a particularly bad pre-period period the psychosis never really went away. That hormonal swing was about six months ago.
Tons of medication changes, tons of bad doctors, lots of stuff thrown at me, never knowing what to do.
Currently on Abilify 60mg - only drug that actually seems to be effective in some way, Vraylar 4.5mg which has been really helpful but I still am severely depressed without something to assist (and it's a bipolar depression drug?) wellbutrin 150mg extended release (about to go off of it because it's making the psychosis come back and I'm feeling mania creeping in), topamax 200mg because I'm terrified of weight gain and it might have mood stabilizing properties (I was on lithium and gained 30 pounds, they put me on topamax to help -- it really did -- and I refuse to go off of it), spironolactone 50mg for acne, and Yaz (birth control) which is actually extremely helpful for hormonal mood stability.
I don't know. I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly being depressed but being at risk for mania when put on an antidepressant. I'm tired of fearing psychosis and psychotic episodes after those six months ago. I want a positive life change but even though people wouldn't know from the outside I'm barely getting by.
I just wanted to say hi and if anyone knows any kind words, I'd appreciate it. It's been a hard many years.
Thanks for reading.
I have diagnosed Bipolar I, panic disorder (that's not really an issue now) and PTSD and pre menstrual exacerbation (think PMS but you get psychotic before your period). Bipolar I might be more schizoaffective (I think that's the term they used? I have "standalone psychosis" that extends beyond my mood states) but the psychiatrist says that a change in label won't change treatment. So Bipolar I it is.
I have dealt with severe mania and depression since 13, and after a particularly bad pre-period period the psychosis never really went away. That hormonal swing was about six months ago.
Tons of medication changes, tons of bad doctors, lots of stuff thrown at me, never knowing what to do.
Currently on Abilify 60mg - only drug that actually seems to be effective in some way, Vraylar 4.5mg which has been really helpful but I still am severely depressed without something to assist (and it's a bipolar depression drug?) wellbutrin 150mg extended release (about to go off of it because it's making the psychosis come back and I'm feeling mania creeping in), topamax 200mg because I'm terrified of weight gain and it might have mood stabilizing properties (I was on lithium and gained 30 pounds, they put me on topamax to help -- it really did -- and I refuse to go off of it), spironolactone 50mg for acne, and Yaz (birth control) which is actually extremely helpful for hormonal mood stability.
I don't know. I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly being depressed but being at risk for mania when put on an antidepressant. I'm tired of fearing psychosis and psychotic episodes after those six months ago. I want a positive life change but even though people wouldn't know from the outside I'm barely getting by.
I just wanted to say hi and if anyone knows any kind words, I'd appreciate it. It's been a hard many years.
Thanks for reading.
