• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Hey folks...

H

hhhhk444

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2020
Messages
2
Location
United States
Hi. I'm on here because I'm exhausted and facing another medication change, and feeling really, really alone.
I have diagnosed Bipolar I, panic disorder (that's not really an issue now) and PTSD and pre menstrual exacerbation (think PMS but you get psychotic before your period). Bipolar I might be more schizoaffective (I think that's the term they used? I have "standalone psychosis" that extends beyond my mood states) but the psychiatrist says that a change in label won't change treatment. So Bipolar I it is.
I have dealt with severe mania and depression since 13, and after a particularly bad pre-period period the psychosis never really went away. That hormonal swing was about six months ago.
Tons of medication changes, tons of bad doctors, lots of stuff thrown at me, never knowing what to do.
Currently on Abilify 60mg - only drug that actually seems to be effective in some way, Vraylar 4.5mg which has been really helpful but I still am severely depressed without something to assist (and it's a bipolar depression drug?) wellbutrin 150mg extended release (about to go off of it because it's making the psychosis come back and I'm feeling mania creeping in), topamax 200mg because I'm terrified of weight gain and it might have mood stabilizing properties (I was on lithium and gained 30 pounds, they put me on topamax to help -- it really did -- and I refuse to go off of it), spironolactone 50mg for acne, and Yaz (birth control) which is actually extremely helpful for hormonal mood stability.
I don't know. I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly being depressed but being at risk for mania when put on an antidepressant. I'm tired of fearing psychosis and psychotic episodes after those six months ago. I want a positive life change but even though people wouldn't know from the outside I'm barely getting by.
I just wanted to say hi and if anyone knows any kind words, I'd appreciate it. It's been a hard many years.
Thanks for reading.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear all you are going through. You will find support on here. Many members have bipolar too.
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
56,023
Location
Lancashire
I am diagnosed with bipolar too and its so debilitating at times. I'm stable on my meds now but it took a long time to find the combination that was right for me. I know what you mean about anti depressants sending you high, I went through the roof on some I had in the past. It wasn't actually pleasant I'm afraid.

I hope you find us supportive and kind on here.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
6,513
Location
Nashua NH
Hello h and welcome to the forums. I have Bipolar1
also with psychotic features. When I was having my period I suffered from Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder too. It really makes me wonder if there isn’t a strong hormonal component to Bipolar being that we both have suffered with similar symptoms.
I’m usually around pretty often so if you feel like chatting sometime please don’t hesitate to drop a line. xo, j
 
M

MouthyOne

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
161
Location
Scotland
Hi there,

Welcome to the forum. Sure you will find a support group here. :)
 
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