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Hey first time..dont really know we

B

BorderlineUnicorn

Member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Greece
Well i joined this forum , hopefully that someone somewhere could understand maybe..or say something that doesn't sound fake. I recently diagnosed with Bpd . I had some dark times in my life but never thought that this thing i feel is a disorder or something.. i always had problem relationships i think . In my last the things went really crazy . At a point i became really paranoid about things and had so bad anger and did things that weren't ok at all. And i decided to go to see a therapist ...and then after a few sessions she told me that i have bpd symptoms. So i do .
The thoughts in my mind go crazy. I can't control them sometimes. I try to find where my problem starts ,what is upsetting me but i cant fight it.
I don't do medication at this point . I believe it is not going to do any good for me
 
Heidrun

Heidrun

Well-known member
Joined
May 9, 2019
Messages
89
Location
unfamiliar
Well i joined this forum , hopefully that someone somewhere could understand maybe..or say something that doesn't sound fake. I recently diagnosed with Bpd . I had some dark times in my life but never thought that this thing i feel is a disorder or something.. i always had problem relationships i think . In my last the things went really crazy . At a point i became really paranoid about things and had so bad anger and did things that weren't ok at all. And i decided to go to see a therapist ...and then after a few sessions she told me that i have bpd symptoms. So i do .
The thoughts in my mind go crazy. I can't control them sometimes. I try to find where my problem starts ,what is upsetting me but i cant fight it.
I don't do medication at this point . I believe it is not going to do any good for me
If you want to share, what do you mean with ''did things that weren't ok at all.'' ?
 
B

BorderlineUnicorn

Member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Greece
Thank you! Well I became paranoid about things like he was cheating etc .. i saw so many sings and had so many thoughts about why this could be true. But i didn't really want to believe that this was true. He was so good on telling me how this is not even a though. That he not cheating or ever cheated etc. But i could see it and feel it and i just went crazy with all these thoughts. And i said to myself that if all these things i see aren't really there or there are not what i think they are..well then i am just really crazy!!
So the rage i felt inside me was getting bigger and bigger . And i just outbreaked on stuff that weren't really matter. One time for no reason .. well i can't even remember it right now and it is not really long time ago. Anyway, I yelled at him and told him to go away . I started hitting the air and everything around me.. basically imagine the behaviour of a five year old that doesn't like something.. and after that i left him on the street , went back him and then came out to find him again ..just to start crying and yell at him "have ever felt that you wanna die?" "Do you know how it's like?"
And i really felt like it.. really so heavy , so empty ... And i knew he couldn't understand of course . I realized that i can't control myself that day . One or two later , after another stupid fight i was sitting in my room crying , thinking about all the situation , blaming myself for every right and every wrong and started self harming . And i know it sounds so bad but i felt so relieved..
Well i told all these to my therapist and other relavent stuff from the past.. she told me that i have bpd symptoms.. she gave me done advice about how.to handle the situation with him.. but right now in my life the problem is not my bpd ..my problem is my relationship.. for the record i want yo say that days later my boyfriend wanted to fix our relationship and thought that it was time to say some things so he can leave them in the past . And guess what ..he has cheated and not only once.. and I don't know what to say to you anymore it just goes and goes ... At least i am not crazy 😂
So right now, after a lot of things had happened , i feel like nothing . My confidence is under zero , i dont want to leave home , i dont really want to speak to someone and thinking that there is no point in life. It would be so much better to die now and not go through other stuff that the only thing that are going to do is to hurt you.
The worst part in this is that i feel i love him so much..and i feel he loves me too but is too stupid or something..
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Heidrun

Heidrun

Well-known member
Joined
May 9, 2019
Messages
89
Location
unfamiliar
Thank you! Well I became paranoid about things like he was cheating etc .. i saw so many sings and had so many thoughts about why this could be true. But i didn't really want to believe that this was true. He was so good on telling me how this is not even a though. That he not cheating or ever cheated etc. But i could see it and feel it and i just went crazy with all these thoughts. And i said to myself that if all these things i see aren't really there or there are not what i think they are..well then i am just really crazy!!
So the rage i felt inside me was getting bigger and bigger . And i just outbreaked on stuff that weren't really matter. One time for no reason .. well i can't even remember it right now and it is not really long time ago. Anyway, I yelled at him and told him to go away . I started hitting the air and everything around me.. basically imagine the behaviour of a five year old that doesn't like something.. and after that i left him on the street , went back him and then came out to find him again ..just to start crying and yell at him "have ever felt that you wanna die?" "Do you know how it's like?"
And i really felt like it.. really so heavy , so empty ... And i knew he couldn't understand of course . I realized that i can't control myself that day . One or two later , after another stupid fight i was sitting in my room crying , thinking about all the situation , blaming myself for every right and every wrong and started self harming . And i know it sounds so bad but i felt so relieved..
Well i told all these to my therapist and other relavent stuff from the past.. she told me that i have bpd symptoms.. she gave me done advice about how.to handle the situation with him.. but right now in my life the problem is not my bpd ..my problem is my relationship.. for the record i want yo say that days later my boyfriend wanted to fix our relationship and thought that it was time to say some things so he can leave them in the past . And guess what ..he has cheated and not only once.. and I don't know what to say to you anymore it just goes and goes ... At least i am not crazy 😂
So right now, after a lot of things had happened , i feel like nothing . My confidence is under zero , i dont want to leave home , i dont really want to speak to someone and thinking that there is no point in life. It would be so much better to die now and not go through other stuff that the only thing that are going to do is to hurt you.
The worst part in this is that i feel i love him so much..and i feel he loves me too but is too stupid or something..
Stay strong! Better times will come! We’re all with you and I know when the paranoia is actually right it will suck you down even deeper.... :(. It’s not stupid at all, relationships are mostly complex things. Best to you and thank you for sharing.
 
H

happyhello

Well-known member
Joined
May 15, 2019
Messages
63
Location
Earth
I don't do medication at this point . I believe it is not going to do any good for me[/QUOTE]

I don't either! But I am going to start b/c pills to regulate my period and see if the hormones can be fixed. Still no s..ex
 
B

BorderlineUnicorn

Member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Greece
Stay strong! Better times will come! We’re all with you and I know when the paranoia is actually right it will suck you down even deeper.... :(. It’s not stupid at all, relationships are mostly complex things. Best to you and thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much!
 
B

BorderlineUnicorn

Member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Greece
I don't do medication at this point . I believe it is not going to do any good for me
I don't either! But I am going to start b/c pills to regulate my period and see if the hormones can be fixed. Still no s..ex[/QUOTE]
I take b/c pills cause i have polycystic ovary syndrome. I take them a few years now with some breaks , your doctor will tell you about it. I can say that when i cut my pills my temper is a little higher than normal , but i guess that this has nothing to do with bpd . I mean hormones can make a woman a little crazy sometimes anyway 😋
 
V

Ven8033

Member
Joined
May 19, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Colorado USA
Hi and welcome,
I too was recently diagnosed with bipolar, and I’m sorry to hear that your paranoia has caused issues in your relationship.
To each is their own when it comes to medication for bpd, after exhausting all my resources I have decided to opt into trying medication recommended by my doctor which includes an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. Fingers crossed!
Wishing you the best
 
B

BorderlineUnicorn

Member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Greece
Hi and welcome,
I too was recently diagnosed with bipolar, and I’m sorry to hear that your paranoia has caused issues in your relationship.
To each is their own when it comes to medication for bpd, after exhausting all my resources I have decided to opt into trying medication recommended by my doctor which includes an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. Fingers crossed!
Wishing you the best
Hello and thank you! Sorry to hear that! I hope your decision help you! I personally don't know a lot about bipolars...so if you like please tell me how are you feeling ...
 
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