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Hey! Bipolar guy here, want to learn more about schizophrenia

HLon99

HLon99

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
703
Location
London, UK
Dear all,

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2020 and have been on medication every since. I've been doing fairly well since then, my symptoms have remitted and I've started to function well again. As part of my illness, I have experienced some psychotic features, including paranoia, grandiosity and thinking that people, including family members were out to get me. This has mostly passed but I still experience residual/negative symptoms. However, I never had full blown psychosis.

I have had some distant relatives who suffered from Schizophrenia and I want to learn more psychosis. What were the early waning signs/triggers of your illness? What symptoms do you have/how do you feel when you are unwell? When did you first realise that you had a problem and how long did it take you to get help? What were your experience with treatment, did it help, did your symptoms ever remit? How does it affect your daily life? How are you in between episodes? Is it possible to regain functioning after psychosis, e.g. hold down a job, have friends/a solid support network? How are you doing now, do you have any goals/plans for the future?

Any other experiences you care to share?

Thanks in advance,

-H
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,495
Location
Canada
I'm not schizophrenic but have experienced psychosis. I had that in 2016. It happened after my mother died that summer. I was living with her, working at a bar, drinking a lot. She was schizophrenic. I have social anxiety. It is bad around family, where it all began. Anyway, after mom's death, several of my brothers came to town, stayed in the house, and there was a lot of drinking, hangovers, and I wasn't sleeping much, and eventually all the anxiety triggered psychosis.

I went into hospital twice in 2016. First it was for delirium from the drinking. Guess that's a sort of psychosis. I stayed there a week and quit drinking. I was still really ill though and quit the bartender job shortly after. I was seeing a social worker as a sort of addictions counselor I guess, on the premise this would help me stay sober. But I had the much larger issue of psychosis. So a couple months into that I went into the psych ward in another town an hour's drive away and spent a week there. I feared for my own safety, giving my psychiatrist a solid reason to send me there.

Recovery took a long time. Those antipsychotic drugs helped. I'm mostly OK now but haven't had a job since then, 4 1/2 years ago. Been living cheap at my brother's house spending the inheritance from mother's will. Want to work again. Maybe when Covid dust settles I'll get back overseas. Taught English over there for years.
 
P

PastelKittenX

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 2, 2017
Messages
1,028
Location
Born in Portugal, living in the UK (Norfolk)
I was 17 when I was diagnosed with psychosis (now 22, turning 23 in September). Early signs was not sleeping, but it then happened all too quickly. Usually psychosis starts slowly and gradually, but I went full blown psychotic quickly and not sleeping is the only sign I caught. I wasn't eating too. The delusions came first (thought broadcasting) and then started hearing voices. It took about 3 months to get a diagnosis because I refused to see a Dr and didn't think I was ill (a sign you lost touch with reality).
I was prescribed risperidone and worked really well for me till I quit taking them cold turkey and relapsed.
When I'm unwell, I think I'm being gang stalked, that people want to do harm to me and wish awful things upon me.
I can do volunteer work (and really enjoy it) and I think I'll manage well with a part time job. I struggle with insomnia or sometimes I sleep too much and really struggle to get up.
Right now, I feel a stable despite still experiencing thought broadcasting and reference stuff. I still hear voices, but not everyday thankfully (which was like that in the past).
I'm unemployed right now, but I do study and want to keep studying to get a good job in the future. I'm keen on being a peer support worker or work in healthcare.
I function well daily if I say so. I do sometimes feel frustrated though that I lack privacy and that people keep putting their nose in my business. Some say this is a delusion, but I don't believe it.
I've had therapy, it's helped a bit. I'm not interested in doing more therapy.
 
veela

veela

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
84
Location
Austria
I smoked a lot of weed. And when i say a lot, i mean a lot.
First it all started with anxiety. i developed a so called "weed paranoia".
When i smoked alone it was okay, when i smoked with my friends i got paranoid and anxious.
More and more i started to hate life, and things like love and adventure became more and more vapid to me. I could not stand this pedestrian world and i started to hate my job, to hate my friends and slowly i started to question myself. And if you do not trust yourself, you are lost i think.
So more and more i became isolated, quit my job, didn't talk to anybody.
And one day suddenly there was a turnaround. i do not remember exactly but suddenly i thought i can talk to my computer. I thought a hacker hacked my computer and it was fascinating to me. I liked the thought of it. The thought that he manages the algorithm for me and everything else.
So i "communicated" with him. (i do not know for how long, i was too fascinated)
Then i went outside and suddenly i thought everbody knows me and i stopped and talked to strangers asking them how we met and so on. Then it made me scared and then it all turned to a nightmare.
After running around in vienna i was too scared to go for any longer because i talked to myself and started fantasizing so many things why and what is happening to me.
Long story short, i called my brother and told him everything and then my parents brought me into the psychiatry. After one month i realized that i have psychosis.
But i still was not convinced completely.
So after a few months i stopped taking the medication i was on (15 mg Zyprexa) and started smoking weed again.
I do not remember everything correctly but i try.
So long story short i fell in a deeper hole then i was before. I drove with the train to Berlin and was there as a homeless wandering around completely psychotic for one whole month.
Then i came home and went to vienna visiting a friend and asking him for help. AFTER I REALIZED AFTER ONE MONTH THAT I HAVE ACTUALLY REALLY PSYCHOSIS.
I was convinced and went to a friends place.
He brought me to the psychiatry but suddenly i turned and was psychotic again.
I did not manage to run away and got strapped onto a bed and got haloperidol. (i do not know how much)
After a week or so (i can not remember because i was completely drugged) i woke up in another town, in another psychiatry in the closed division.
They gave me a depot injection of haloperidol and i moved into residence for homeless people, a so called "Männerwohnhaus" (Residence for Men)(The worst time in my life, even worse than beeing homeless)
I got seizures and my whole body felt like rubber, and this for many months.
Then i said screw that, i could not stand the pain and another time i quit the meds and started smoking weed again.
Long story short, i began to hear voices, was paranoid as fuck and had the silliest fantasies and so on.
I was homeless again, and i almost killed myself. I went on a skyscraper and wanted to jump but the top floor window was locked and i broke down and cried.
Then i somehow realized again that this all what i am experiencing is not real and once again i tried to visit a friend.
I will now cut the story of my last 5 years because it would take too much time to write and also it is very personal. Though it feels very good to write everything out of my head.
Nevertheless i make it short.
After the next try i once again stopped taking the medication and landed in germany again. Living with punks for a few months. But it became way worse you can imagine. Voices, endless chattings with god or cameras, Paranoia on the highest level and so on and so on.
I somehow had a clear moment and thought, this is my life? you really want to life like that and maybe die because of suicid or become a total drug addict.
So i decided to go home and go to hospital. I decided without any help from another one to go to Hospital.
It is the year 2020 now. February. I am having my brithday in the psychiatry. It is okay. it could be much worse.
I take my medicine till this day every night. I am totally convinced that this all was delusions and so on. I am not very religious. You could say i am agnostic. Whatever. This a topic for itself.
So i take my medicine to this day. And i have to say life is okay.
Does it affect my daily life? Yes it does. Everyday. Every second i fight for the truth. I do not know if you can relate. But if you lived one time in a psychotic state, the reality is hard to grasp
again.
Am i functioning? Yes but i do not want just to "function" i want to live. If that makes any sense.
Do i have any friends? Most of my relationships are broken, because everyone moves on with life.
My goals? I am learning right now for college entry. i need to do 3 more exams and i am officially a student. Want to study lectureship.
Is it possible to hold a job for me? atm not, i tried several times but it did not work out.
Well what i can i say as a closing.
I am thankful i survived this. I bravely say of me !i am a Survivor.!
 
HLon99

HLon99

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
703
Location
London, UK
I'm not schizophrenic but have experienced psychosis. I had that in 2016. It happened after my mother died that summer. I was living with her, working at a bar, drinking a lot. She was schizophrenic. I have social anxiety. It is bad around family, where it all began. Anyway, after mom's death, several of my brothers came to town, stayed in the house, and there was a lot of drinking, hangovers, and I wasn't sleeping much, and eventually all the anxiety triggered psychosis.

I went into hospital twice in 2016. First it was for delirium from the drinking. Guess that's a sort of psychosis. I stayed there a week and quit drinking. I was still really ill though and quit the bartender job shortly after. I was seeing a social worker as a sort of addictions counselor I guess, on the premise this would help me stay sober. But I had the much larger issue of psychosis. So a couple months into that I went into the psych ward in another town an hour's drive away and spent a week there. I feared for my own safety, giving my psychiatrist a solid reason to send me there.

Recovery took a long time. Those antipsychotic drugs helped. I'm mostly OK now but haven't had a job since then, 4 1/2 years ago. Been living cheap at my brother's house spending the inheritance from mother's will. Want to work again. Maybe when Covid dust settles I'll get back overseas. Taught English over there for years.
Yeah, I heard that its common for people to experience psychosis after a traumatic event such as death of a loved one. My dad told me that in my family, the trigger was often some kind of relationship crisis, devorce, break up etc. I think that this is true, although there were a bunch of factors contributing to my illness (high stress from academic workload, smoking a lot of pot), the straw that broke the camel's back was a breakup that I had was a breakup in my freshman year of uni. A few months later, I developed my bipolar and dropped out. I guess Plato was right when he said that love can be a serious mental illness lol.

I'm getting back into education this year and I hope to get a stable career/job after. I really need to, my parents have worked very hard to raise me, but they are both in their '50s and life is getting harder for them by the day. I need to get back up on my feet and be independant to ease their lives a bit. I have heard of success stories with bipolar, a friend of my mothers works a very good city job and has a family, but I think psychosis adds another layer of difficulty to the matter.

Anyway, I hope things work out for you man. I know its tough with the economy being the way that it is now, but try and get a job, even a basic one. Staying busy is part of staying sane. One thing I will advice though is stay closer to home, where you have a support network. That is the key to recovery. One of the reasons that my illness went undiagnosed and undetected for the better part of a year was that I moved far away from home in my first uni. I got all excited about the freedom that I would have and new oppurtunities, but in the end family is what matters most.
 
HLon99

HLon99

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
703
Location
London, UK
I was 17 when I was diagnosed with psychosis (now 22, turning 23 in September). Early signs was not sleeping, but it then happened all too quickly. Usually psychosis starts slowly and gradually, but I went full blown psychotic quickly and not sleeping is the only sign I caught. I wasn't eating too. The delusions came first (thought broadcasting) and then started hearing voices. It took about 3 months to get a diagnosis because I refused to see a Dr and didn't think I was ill (a sign you lost touch with reality).
I was prescribed risperidone and worked really well for me till I quit taking them cold turkey and relapsed.
When I'm unwell, I think I'm being gang stalked, that people want to do harm to me and wish awful things upon me.
I can do volunteer work (and really enjoy it) and I think I'll manage well with a part time job. I struggle with insomnia or sometimes I sleep too much and really struggle to get up.
Right now, I feel a stable despite still experiencing thought broadcasting and reference stuff. I still hear voices, but not everyday thankfully (which was like that in the past).
I'm unemployed right now, but I do study and want to keep studying to get a good job in the future. I'm keen on being a peer support worker or work in healthcare.
I function well daily if I say so. I do sometimes feel frustrated though that I lack privacy and that people keep putting their nose in my business. Some say this is a delusion, but I don't believe it.
I've had therapy, it's helped a bit. I'm not interested in doing more therapy.
I'm glad to hear that you are studying, if you have the strength to do that in your condition, I'm sure things will work out for you employment wise. Try and engage in therapy more, if you get the chance. Its one thing that I am yet to do but I think that having someone objective work through your problems with you will help. I'm also going back to uni this year.
 
HLon99

HLon99

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
703
Location
London, UK
I smoked a lot of weed. And when i say a lot, i mean a lot.
First it all started with anxiety. i developed a so called "weed paranoia".
When i smoked alone it was okay, when i smoked with my friends i got paranoid and anxious.
More and more i started to hate life, and things like love and adventure became more and more vapid to me. I could not stand this pedestrian world and i started to hate my job, to hate my friends and slowly i started to question myself. And if you do not trust yourself, you are lost i think.
So more and more i became isolated, quit my job, didn't talk to anybody.
And one day suddenly there was a turnaround. i do not remember exactly but suddenly i thought i can talk to my computer. I thought a hacker hacked my computer and it was fascinating to me. I liked the thought of it. The thought that he manages the algorithm for me and everything else.
So i "communicated" with him. (i do not know for how long, i was too fascinated)
Then i went outside and suddenly i thought everbody knows me and i stopped and talked to strangers asking them how we met and so on. Then it made me scared and then it all turned to a nightmare.
After running around in vienna i was too scared to go for any longer because i talked to myself and started fantasizing so many things why and what is happening to me.
Long story short, i called my brother and told him everything and then my parents brought me into the psychiatry. After one month i realized that i have psychosis.
But i still was not convinced completely.
So after a few months i stopped taking the medication i was on (15 mg Zyprexa) and started smoking weed again.
I do not remember everything correctly but i try.
So long story short i fell in a deeper hole then i was before. I drove with the train to Berlin and was there as a homeless wandering around completely psychotic for one whole month.
Then i came home and went to vienna visiting a friend and asking him for help. AFTER I REALIZED AFTER ONE MONTH THAT I HAVE ACTUALLY REALLY PSYCHOSIS.
I was convinced and went to a friends place.
He brought me to the psychiatry but suddenly i turned and was psychotic again.
I did not manage to run away and got strapped onto a bed and got haloperidol. (i do not know how much)
After a week or so (i can not remember because i was completely drugged) i woke up in another town, in another psychiatry in the closed division.
They gave me a depot injection of haloperidol and i moved into residence for homeless people, a so called "Männerwohnhaus" (Residence for Men)(The worst time in my life, even worse than beeing homeless)
I got seizures and my whole body felt like rubber, and this for many months.
Then i said screw that, i could not stand the pain and another time i quit the meds and started smoking weed again.
Long story short, i began to hear voices, was paranoid as fuck and had the silliest fantasies and so on.
I was homeless again, and i almost killed myself. I went on a skyscraper and wanted to jump but the top floor window was locked and i broke down and cried.
Then i somehow realized again that this all what i am experiencing is not real and once again i tried to visit a friend.
I will now cut the story of my last 5 years because it would take too much time to write and also it is very personal. Though it feels very good to write everything out of my head.
Nevertheless i make it short.
After the next try i once again stopped taking the medication and landed in germany again. Living with punks for a few months. But it became way worse you can imagine. Voices, endless chattings with god or cameras, Paranoia on the highest level and so on and so on.
I somehow had a clear moment and thought, this is my life? you really want to life like that and maybe die because of suicid or become a total drug addict.
So i decided to go home and go to hospital. I decided without any help from another one to go to Hospital.
It is the year 2020 now. February. I am having my brithday in the psychiatry. It is okay. it could be much worse.
I take my medicine till this day every night. I am totally convinced that this all was delusions and so on. I am not very religious. You could say i am agnostic. Whatever. This a topic for itself.
So i take my medicine to this day. And i have to say life is okay.
Does it affect my daily life? Yes it does. Everyday. Every second i fight for the truth. I do not know if you can relate. But if you lived one time in a psychotic state, the reality is hard to grasp
again.
Am i functioning? Yes but i do not want just to "function" i want to live. If that makes any sense.
Do i have any friends? Most of my relationships are broken, because everyone moves on with life.
My goals? I am learning right now for college entry. i need to do 3 more exams and i am officially a student. Want to study lectureship.
Is it possible to hold a job for me? atm not, i tried several times but it did not work out.
Well what i can i say as a closing.
I am thankful i survived this. I bravely say of me !i am a Survivor.!
Wow, quite a story. Stay with the medication, its not ideal but it helps. Stay sober as well, I struggled with substance abuse as well and I deeply regretted it. They say cannabis is harmless, but that is a dangerous lie. Although I don't have schizophrenia, I know what its like to stuggle with mental illness and if you ever get a chance at grasping at a period of relative normality, a day, a week, a month, a year, you take it! Don't ever loose control. You might never be cured, but it will become easier to live with. Congratulations on choosing to continue with your education, its something that I'm currently doing as well and I'm sure it will be worth it.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
918
Dear all,

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2020 and have been on medication every since. I've been doing fairly well since then, my symptoms have remitted and I've started to function well again. As part of my illness, I have experienced some psychotic features, including paranoia, grandiosity and thinking that people, including family members were out to get me. This has mostly passed but I still experience residual/negative symptoms. However, I never had full blown psychosis.

I have had some distant relatives who suffered from Schizophrenia and I want to learn more psychosis. What were the early waning signs/triggers of your illness? What symptoms do you have/how do you feel when you are unwell? When did you first realise that you had a problem and how long did it take you to get help? What were your experience with treatment, did it help, did your symptoms ever remit? How does it affect your daily life? How are you in between episodes? Is it possible to regain functioning after psychosis, e.g. hold down a job, have friends/a solid support network? How are you doing now, do you have any goals/plans for the future?

Any other experiences you care to share?

Thanks in advance,

-H
sz when you first experience it is like waking up to a living nightmare.....it is bloody awful....you would not be able to function for some time, at least until you find a anti psychotic that works
 
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