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Hey all, I could do with some help right now

R

Rooooo997

Active member
Joined
Jun 19, 2020
Messages
40
Location
Uk
Hi, I'm having a bit of a hard time today. The pattern is always the same and I'm yet to find a coping strategy.

My trigger is always the house. I have had this problem since I can remember. I look around and have a huge desire to have my house looking a certain way and then get frustrated because I can never seem to achieve what I want.

I paint, strip and hang wallpaper, buy new carpets etc and I'm still never happy. Everything I do feels like a tiny drop in the ocean of a huge huge job.

My house is disgusting yet I can't seem to clean it ... Why? I don't know why. I never know where to start. It always feels like everything is such a big job.

I moved out over 20 years ago and am yet to have my home how I want it. I don't know what to do. I know the problem is me, I have some sort of issue. I crave my own space, my own house and a small place at that but I have a family and would never leave noatter how strong the feelings get.

I am using alcohol again to cope... A vicious cycle that happens every time. I am nearly 40 and need to get a grip but this temporary depression I fall into is so so bad that I have even been suicidal about it.

I know how lucky I am, I feel so grateful for everything I have and this OCD problem totally contradicts who I am/want to be 😔

Any advice would be so grately appreciated. Right now I am drunk and have fallen out with everyone here because I have been horrible. How do I accept that my house isn't ever gonna be perfect and be ok that's my kids have so much stuff?

I really want to change but everywhere I go I feel like crying
 
B

BlueWater

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 29, 2021
Messages
567
Location
Earth
I get a little like this with chaos. It'd be nice to have a house that is minimalist, neat, no clutter, no excess of anything and basically always looks like a hotel room with clear surfaces. But that will never happen, even if I lived alone. In the back of my mind, I think if only my house looked like these images then I'd feel calmer, my mind wouldn't race and I'd sleep. Probably I wouldn't because I was either born with OCD or at the very least developed it after some stressful teenage years. No matter what changes my OCD will look for something else to feed its quest for certainty and perfection.
 
S

strongeagle

New member
Joined
Aug 21, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Granada Hills, CA
I experienced the same thing sometimes. I live in my significant other's house and I get frustrated because she is not that organized. I want to have the house in a certain way but she does not allow me to do that. What I do to cope is to go out to the park and exercise. after that I feel much better.
 
R

Rooooo997

Active member
Joined
Jun 19, 2020
Messages
40
Location
Uk
Thank you for your replies. I know this problem is me and not those I live with. I need to accept that and stop trying to change/control them.

I do feel better after exercise so will perhaps try to do more of that to combat my mood. It's just sometimes gets so overwhelming that I'm literally paralysed.

And yes I agree, if the house wasn't the issue it would feed off of something else
 
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