He's Trying to Drive Me to Suicide

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sallimae76

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I need the medication to ELIMINATE the voices, not just turn down the volume. I just don't understand why he doesn't just give me a heart attack and just kill me. We have a mutual contempt for each other. I don't want to be in this filthy world.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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I don't believe he can kill you, if a voice could then mine would have done it to me years ago and believe me he tried his best, after he failed to do it himself he tried getting me to do it but I was steadfast that I was never going to do it myself.

I know it's hard but try to ignore it, the only power it has over you is the power you give it.

Make up some positive affirmations like "You will not get me down" and "I'm stronger than you" and say them to yourself when you start to struggle.

I know you're stronger than him, you just need to believe in yourself, he knows your stronger so will try anything and everything to get you down but at the end of the day he's just a voice.

How long until you can see a doctor about this?
 
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sallimae76

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NWiddi,

The voices are very faint, but it is very hard because they are "devilish". The pitch and tone of the voices DRIVE ME CRAZY. Keeps telling me to "burn". I am 3 weeks away from a doctor's appointment. Insurance doesn't kick in until October 1st. I mistakenly thought it kicked in the first day of employment.
 
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sallimae76

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I know these are people that I know in my life that have these powers to do this to me. They are guilty because of the sex abuse. They called life a "farm" and started touching me sexually at age 3, and exposed me to porn at age 5. They want to "get rid of the evidence" , meaning me. When they use to say more things, they told me "First she will have sex with her brothers. Then she will have sex with the rest of us."

Now he just keeps repeating "I'm mad" "burn" "ape" or "I'm an ape".
 
NWiddi

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That's a very limited vocabulary for a voice, mine goes on and on about how much he hates me for ignoring him and medicating him, full on rants that go on for hours, then there's the singing, he'll sing anything and everything all day long.

I avoid music as much as possible whereas others swear by it as the best distraction.

I really admire you for getting a new job while going through all this, I believe if you can do that you can do just about anything. Keep fighting and your best days could be right around the next corner.

Some of my favorite life experiences happened after I started hearing this voice.
 
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sallimae76

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NWiddi, this is my family. But if the medication has the power to stop them, I will take it. They surprised me by being "angry" when I went to college. Implied I would fail, don't know why they had a problem with me doing regular adult things. They have the ability to see me when I don't see them.
 
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sallimae76

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They are "devils" pretending to be people.
 
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NWiddi, this is my family. But if the medication has the power to stop them, I will take it. They surprised me by being "angry" when I went to college. Implied I would fail, don't know why they had a problem with me doing regular adult things. They have the ability to see me when I don't see them.
so you surprised them by doing well at college
see you can beat this you really can

some peoples voices are eradicated by medication
it will definitely help you

when you are better
you can use your legal training
to help other abused children

they need you ...

:hug5:
 
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sallimae76

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I use to get email "surveys" asking what race I wanted to be. I responded "Black", and I would get responses that "Everyone wants to be white." It surprised them to see me as a Black woman, winning trials against white people, and white men in particular. I believe they are shape shifters. The voices have told me "we're white" in the past. Last night a female voice said "why are you waiting" and a male voice said "I don't believe you". Sometimes the voices are strong, sometimes not.
 
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I used to worry about shape shifters
I thought there were far right groups watching me on satellite
watching my every move and making fun of me

I dont get that any more, I have beaten them

:hug5:
 
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sallimae76

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Thank you midnightphoenix. Don't know why he can't leave me alone. I am so unremarkable. Just trying to live a quiet life to myself.
 
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sallimae76

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Just can't understand why he won't let me live a life in peace. Thinks he has dominion over me like a ruler. I just don't understand why. I feel like the ugly fat girl that can't escape her boy bullies. Instead of dating his models, he just can't leave me alone. Am I allowed to retreat?
 
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sallimae76

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I may be a virgin, but I don't have a hymen anymore because of years of pap smears. Don't know what he wants.
 
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sallimae76

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Do you know I tried to date and a guy that lives in a trailer park dumped me? I don't get male attention. I just think he expects me to be watching pornography, and that upsets him.
 
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sallimae76

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He wants me watching his white women, seriously.
 
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sallimae76

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My brother visited me and as a black man, put on girl on girl porn for me in my own apartment.
 
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sallimae76

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When I had friends, the girls would try to get me to go to strip clubs (women ones) and gay bars.
 
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sallimae76

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Another friend told me I liked Dancing With the Stars because I liked watching the girls in skimpy outfits.
 
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