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He's a narc isn't he.

C

Charlene89

Active member
Joined
Oct 28, 2018
Messages
42
Struggling to get over what's happened to me. I met a man last September. Liked him because he was so polite and seemed confident. I found him on Facebook. Swapped numbers. The love bombing began. I didn't notice at first. Just felt swept of my feet. He was full of compliments. Full of promises. Loved me within 6 weeks. Gifts. Kind. Put in alot of work and hours to talk and communicate. Seemed so into me I couldn't imagine anyone else taking up his time.

Red flags were mixed in though. He was a newly sober alcoholic. He had chronic pain so would take opiates but inconsistent with them. Sleep weekends away. Moods allover. Looking back not over his ex. Always up and down talking about her. Photos on his house walls still. Both still in contact. Always on about the past. Broken relationships with his close family. No obvious friendships but had work friends. He was also six months past s suicide attempt.

I tried my best to be there. But he was hard work. Snappy then allover me. Some weeks all over me sexually then the next no sex drive. Bringing up random women who had been blocked due to coming onto him or chasing him. I noticed people disappearing of his Facebook that seemed to have been loving his photos in recent months.

Started putting me down. Comments on my hair or skin tone. Putting me down as I don't currently work due to young kids. Mirroring what I said sometimes. Or pretending he didn't understand what I was saying to wind me up or shut me down. Calling me confusing in situations when I was trying to arrange a meeting place in our town. Overall made me feel abit allover.

In the last few weeks he was allover me sexually but I was starting to notice he was online but perhaps was talking to someone else. Much slower to respond. Seemed to be liking other women's photos. Adding new women. Noticed an old school friend was allover him.

I tried to talk to him and he dumped me. For the last five weeks I've only heard from him for three days when he came back saying he missed me. He soon cleared off again as I told him I wanted answers.

I contacted an old love of his when we split. He had been telling me she was stalking him. She had a very different story. He had been messing with her for two years. She was now on anti depressants and still up and down with his contact. He found out we had spoken which is why his last words to me were how could I ever trust you again. He then proceeded to message her calling her a horrible name because she had then contacted his ex girlfriend to ask if she knew anything about his games.

This ex lover had been played by him whilst he was still with his ex and trying to fix their broken relationship. So lies were coming out everywhere.

Since he's stopped talking to me he's added new women onto his Facebook and I think he's moved on as he always has to have someone to talk to.

I've been looking into things alot to try help myself move on. I think he is toxic. He lies alot. He love bombed me but discarded me after I gave him alot including gifts, money and support. He obviously is a compulsive liar because he was playing me and the other women along making us both think he had a future with him.

I just can't cope with what's happened. It's been 3 weeks since I last heard anything. I am broken. All I do is go over it all in my head. Cry. Try feel positive. I've wasted £1500 on psychic readings because I got so addicted to their encouraging words and how they picked up on his secrets. But the readings have altered with time. I feel so stupid for getting addicted because I've gained nothing but false hope. But the last few readers have all started picking up hes a toxic man hiding things and there's someone else currently around him.

It breaks my heart knowing he's moved on so easily. As I loved him so much.

Thanks for reading.
 
Empish

Empish

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
173
Location
Uk
Doesn't matter what PD he has....you are better off without. Enjoy your new found freedom.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
891
Location
England
I think the problem here is with you. (Hang on a minute I'll explain).

Someone like this shouldn't be let in in the first place, but he exploited you, fed off of you because he saw a chance to do so, by the sounds of things anyway. You say he 'love bombed' you: what did you do or say when he did this? It sounds like you fell for it and invited him right in, fell for him, but you didn't even know him.
Your own vulnerability or desperation to find someone seems to have been like a wide-open door, and anyone can come walking through there if you're not careful.
Start with improving your own self-esteem, your self-worth, think about what you want and need in life. With little kids at the centre of things you're never going to want someone like this guy are you, think about it.
And the readings thing also shows that you can be easily exploited. Take a step back and think about things a little more: less heart, more head.
Move on from this guy but please make sure you learn to check someone out thoroughly before either letting them in, giving your heart away, or falling in love with them.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,892
Location
Nashua NH
I think the problem here is with you. (Hang on a minute I'll explain).

Someone like this shouldn't be let in in the first place, but he exploited you, fed off of you because he saw a chance to do so, by the sounds of things anyway. You say he 'love bombed' you: what did you do or say when he did this? It sounds like you fell for it and invited him right in, fell for him, but you didn't even know him.
Your own vulnerability or desperation to find someone seems to have been like a wide-open door, and anyone can come walking through there if you're not careful.
Start with improving your own self-esteem, your self-worth, think about what you want and need in life. With little kids at the centre of things you're never going to want someone like this guy are you, think about it.
And the readings thing also shows that you can be easily exploited. Take a step back and think about things a little more: less heart, more head.
Move on from this guy but please make sure you learn to check someone out thoroughly before either letting them in, giving your heart away, or falling in love with them.
When someone is flattered, charmed and pampered by another person how could they not respond positively in return? Who wouldn’t want to be fussed over? Then once the victim is sucked in he lets the truth of who he is out and by then the hooks are already in, the bond is already established and by then it’s too late. I don’t blame this woman at all for falling prey to this scoundrel. How could she expect that he was as bad a person as he turned out to be? It’s not always possible to protect ourselves from
every possible negative that is out there. She is the victim here.
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
2,155
Location
nowhere
Yes those types move on easily. They just discard someone after they no longer get a boost of their ego from them. They're always in search of new supply to their ego.

The trick is to learn to not only spot the red flags but to walk away when you see them. This takes confidence and strength. If you can build those things, then these types won't stand a chance.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,892
Location
Nashua NH
Hey there I am so sorry that you became involved with such a terrible person. It does seem like he has some narcissistic qualities although that isn’t all of it as you mentioned there is so much more going on there. It’s not your fault that you fell in love with someone who was so unhealthy. Sometimes these things develop a life of their own. I’m sure it felt as great in thr beginning as it feels terrible now in the end. I’m sure if you were to go through his list of female contacts the web of lies and deceit would only grow larger so it’s good that you got out when you did. Being involved in a relationship like this doesn’t reflect poorly on you as a partner or as a person. You were victimized by a broken person who may not have even realized what he was doing as he has so many problems and this pattern of behavior has gone on for so long. I have been addicted to psychic phenomena in the form of tarot cards (I was a tarot practitioner) and turned to them. a lot during times of strife in my life. Although it provided a deep sense of comfort there was no way to ever really be satisfied because there were always more questions. And then you just end up in this empty cycle of addiction to something that really is not true or real. I would back off on spending any more money on the psychics and put the money instead to a good therapist or counselor. You have been through a lot in this relationship and need support and healing. If you don’t have the resources for a counselor or therapist you can come and hang out with us here. 😊 xo, j
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,090
Location
Southern USA
I'm so sorry. Most imprtant though;
Be very, extra careful about strangers around your children.
Don't have strangers at your home.
 
Empish

Empish

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
173
Location
Uk
It breaks my heart knowing he's moved on so easily. As I loved him so much.
This is just another sign he's not worth worrying about. Yes you feel heartbroken that doesn't mean you should delude yourself that you should be together...you will see yourself in a few weeks time that you are better off.
 
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