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"Here I go again. (On my own)" Sorry, song entered my head, Oh let me find a you tube video.

MarlieeB

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"Here I go again. (On my own)" Sorry, song entered my head, Oh let me find a you tube video.

I can feel myself slipping, actually I know I'm slipping, I can feel it in my bones literally. I know the reason why and I am more ready as such to deal with it and not to slip as low as you all on the forum know I can get.

Don't get me wrong, I still have a good outlook of life, I have things like counselling in the pipeline.

Even though I am slipping my moods are swinging like crazy and I'm either only sleeping a couple of hours or I'm knocked out for 16-18 hours, there is no consistency at the moment.

I don't even know why I'm typing this, maybe to get it out as keeping it all in doesn't do me or anyone else any good.

I'm going to fight it with all my strength though, I'm not going to let me slip into a toxic, harming mood. I'm over that so to say.

My paranoia about this forum and what people think about me is back. Now, I know that not everyone hates me etc but I feel I'm getting ignored. Of course I know I'm not really.

Can you tell my mind is going at 1000 miles per hour? lol

I don't even know whether I am making any sense, I'm just typing what is in my head at the moment.

I think I'm slipping because of a certain trigger I am going to be faced with over the next couple of weeks but it's also going to be in the place I love more than anything in the world.

So yeah...

Here's the video

 
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Waverunner

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I'm sorry you are slipping MarlieeBee. I understand your paranoia about the forum, feeling a little of that myself. I'm not sure I could convince you it is not true but hopefully you will believe that I'm here for you when needed. Hope you stay strong! :hug:
 

MarlieeB

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I know rationally it's not true, just needed to write it all down you know. I'm not letting my paranoia take over again. I think when I'm done with this trigger I'll go back up again. I just have to deal with it the best I can :)

Thank you Wavy xxx
 
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Waverunner

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Keep writing when you need to. Hugs to you.
 

MarlieeB

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Have you had any sleep yet? I had a couple of hours on and off and now I'm wide awake.
 
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Waverunner

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Some. But disrupted. Feeling pretty lousy. Least I don't have to be at work. Mind you, that is both a positive and a negative.
 

MarlieeB

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Yeah working, especially on no sleep or very little is a nightmare.

I have to work tonight at 10 pm. I'm going to try and sleep again at about 11 am.

I hope you can get a little bit more sleep soon xxx
 
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Waverunner

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Hope you manage to get some more sleep as well.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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The slipping feeling is horrible. It's good you're talking about it, and can identify the probable trigger. Hopefully that will help keep things in better perspective. I know the paranoia about the forum, or about being accepted by people in general too. Tiredness amplifies it as well. Good for you for being determined to fight this and not get as low as you've done before. Hope you manage more sleep, and things begin to even out for you, and get calmer again :hug1:
 
messymoo

messymoo

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"Here I go again. (On my own)" Sorry, song entered my head, Oh let me find a you tube video.

I'm glad your posting about how you feel it's not easy when your feeling paranoid.

I do hope you manage okay and not hurt you at all. Thinking of you :hug:
 
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Taffy

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Hello our lovely Marlieebeee:hug1:
Good on you for writing it down, you have more courage than I do and best to get how you feel out.
I'm sorry you are feeling so slipping ish its horrid feeling as everyone says... we need a forum rope ladder to a safe place with sweeties and soft pillows and cuddly teddys... and anything else that helps!
Lots of love to you
Taffy xxxxx:hug1:
 

MarlieeB

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Thanks everyone. :grouphug:

I had about another 5 hours sleep on and off. I ended up cuddling up to Big Elephant (a teddy half the size of me that I was given the day I was born who always stays by my side in bed) I rarely cuddle up to him anymore because well, he's 31 years old and very fragile.

That made me feel slightly better. 12 days till I am away from the trigger.

I can do this!
 
katya

katya

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Thanks everyone. :grouphug:

I had about another 5 hours sleep on and off. I ended up cuddling up to Big Elephant (a teddy half the size of me that I was given the day I was born who always stays by my side in bed) I rarely cuddle up to him anymore because well, he's 31 years old and very fragile.

That made me feel slightly better. 12 days till I am away from the trigger.

I can do this!
That's the spirit! So glad you're feeling more positive and have got some sleep, even if it's on-and-off. We're all here to support you throughout this time.

Big hugs. :hug:
 
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Waverunner

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Thanks everyone. :grouphug:

I had about another 5 hours sleep on and off. I ended up cuddling up to Big Elephant (a teddy half the size of me that I was given the day I was born who always stays by my side in bed) I rarely cuddle up to him anymore because well, he's 31 years old and very fragile.

That made me feel slightly better. 12 days till I am away from the trigger.

I can do this!
Wish I had a big elephant. You can do it! Hugs to you!
 
tabbykitten

tabbykitten

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lots of hugs Marlieebee. sorry that you are feeling so awful and paranoid about this forum. In a bit of a paranoid place myself at the moment. Horrible isn’t it!
At least I had a good morning. Look after yourself petal
 
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