Here goes

[Hatstand]

Well, 16 years of being together and 4 years married. I can't take anymore. Promises of "We'll be alright" are now falling on deaf ears. No, sex since our honeymoon, a peck on the cheek/kiss hello and a hug is as close as we get etc etc aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrghhh. I can't take it anymore. I've told him we need to talk (again) when we get home. I feel sick to my stomach. I'll cry, he'll see it as a sign of weekness if I don't he'll think I'm heartless. He'll try to convince me again to stay and that he will change (he should have been a lawyer). I can't, I just can't do it anymore. God, I love him but he really (sounds cliche) is just a great freind.

 

[Hatstand]

Sorry.
I was just venting!
Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeath 1....2.....3.....

 

[Adi01]

Get it off your chest. Go for it

 

[Hatstand]

So, I told him. The line has been drawn. As expected he says that he will change. I do believe he really thinks he will. I'm sorry to have to do this to him. He suffers with depression and he (this is going to sound so bad but) uses it as an excuse. He won't get help. I've tried to be so supportive over the last 16 years but my smiles are now fake. Everyday I wake up, trying to give him a reason to smile but (this is going to sound selfish) I get nothing in return. I love him, I really do but a marriage we are not. Blimey, I sound so callous when I write it down, believe me, my heart is shattered.
I think this is a French proverb
"life is a crapper"

 

[unlucky]

I don't think you sound callous at all. It must be really difficult for you to have dealt with this for so long. I think it must be really difficult for anyone but if as you say you're just friends now it m,ust be worse.
I often wonder how my husband can put up with my mood swings, I'm never angry but I do get really really down. I think anyone who puts up with us and still loves us is a saint!!
Its unfair on both of you to stay in a relationship where theres no real intimacy, if this is the case then a new start is probably what you both need. Just be gentle with it, you deserve more than to be with someone who will never be more than a friend, you can be apart and still be friends.
I hope things work out for you x

 

[Blondie]

Well you say you love him,have you thought of marriage counselling?You need to be firm and mean it!!It's a viscous circle and emotionally to me it sounds as if you need each other,but the lack of intimacy is proving to much.It's stay or go time.You only have one life hun,don't waste it.I wish you well xxx

 

[ally41]

Leave him. Really....even if you can only see it as a temporary separation. Get some therapy and encourage him to do the same. If you can both work on yourselves as individuals and can then learn to work together, there may be hope. You should learn why you got together and whether you still have a future. If he stays in denial and refuses to deal properly with his own issues, you have to move on, life is too short and there will be someone else out there who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Making the break can be incredibly scary, but you should get relief too, and if you both work hard, you might still have a future together. Good luck x

 

[Hatstand]

Thank you all for your replies.
He's trying so hard to make me smile but I just can't. He has now said that he wants to try for a child. We decided just before we got married to try. He told the world that he hoped to be a dad soon, I got very excited but..... no sex, then he changed his mind. My world was shattered and I have told him so on more than one occassion. NOW, he comes up with this. Again it maybe heart felt but....God there's so many reasons I/we shouldn't go there. He said he's always felt sexual urges for me but has never been able to act on them but now he can and will. I can't even let him try. I've drawn this line and I feel so cold inside. I'm just going to take things slowly. I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks and I'm going to concentrate on that and take it a step at a time.

Thanks again everyone. xxxx