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Here comes the guilt again

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firemonkee57

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
8,222
I wish the social anxiety would go away or they would give me something to reduce it's intensity. It's been nearly 40 years that i've experienced it.
Of all the symptoms i have had it is the one that has most probably most held me back from getting a job and therefore not being a useless parasite.
It's horrible being scared of making a fool of yourself or being told off because you inadvertently make a mistake.
I am not sure which is worse the fear of interacting with people face to face especially strangers or the difficulty when it comes to naturally knowing how to interact ie the difficulty with small talk,initiating and sustaining conversations etc.

Doing things to try and help people online only blocks the feelings of guilt and uselessness for a while and allows me pockets of time to avoid feeling that i'm essentially a waste of space.

I am even terrified of doing voluntary work because most of the jobs on offer seem to involve a significant amount of person to person interaction and i am scared of f***ing up, making a fool of myself, and letting people down.

My self esteem and self confidence got shattered in childhood and adolescence and has never really recovered.
At best i do defensive bravado when pressurised and under stress but strip that away and there's precious little self confidence and self esteem to be found.

It's not as though i am even as ill as i used to be sometimes all i can think is that i'm a fake and that if i wasn't such a inadequate/weak person i would be able to pull myself together but the events and ghosts of the past lurk tenaciously and cast restricting shadows on the present.

For the most part mental health professionals don't care that the dysfunctional environments of childhood and adolescence cast a long dark shadow and mess up your ability to cope with situations that many other people take in their stride.
It is easier to dole out a personality disorder diagnosis as though doling out the mark of Cain and to make copious use of words like awkward,demanding,troublesome,attention seeking or phrases like 'If you want to mend the error of your ways' as though you are intrinsically bad rather than an essentially ok person struggling to cope with and make sense of past life experiences.

Sorry for rambling on but i just had to let things out a little bit.
 
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mad as a hatter

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
there good at sticking labels on us then leaving us 2 get on with it no matter how bad ur suffering cause they say it,s bpd they don,t have 2 treat us cause they say can,t and there,s no cure some don,t even give meds either so ur left 2 suffer if ur lucky u get a cpn they don,t want 2 look at the possiblities that things in our past effect us it gets instantly dismissed 2 many pdoc,s ttk the easy way out 2 get u off there list so it,s personality disorder for u it,s sad that it,s we r given these labels without ne back up from chmt i don,t know what 2 do with mine either i understand ur frustrations 2
 
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IntrospectionFtw!

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2009
Messages
383
Location
Buried under a sand castle.
I've always had terrible social phobia, i kind of overcame it as i got a little older, but when it did become a problem again it was even worse. i sympathise with your situation i know it all to well i mean i feel practically allergic to people sometimes. i just dont know the remedy though. i think exposure therapy and a suicidal fearless attitude might help, along with some kind of anti anxiety medications. 5HT-1A's good aswell as a2, a1 and dopamine then the rest is up to you i guess in terms of what you want to acheive but can it change your temperment or dissposition or w/e its hard to say.
 
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Shannon27

Active member
Joined
Sep 13, 2017
Messages
25
Location
California
Omg! I feel exactly the same way. My psychiatrist just doubled my gabapentin to help with the social anxiety but it doesn't seem to help at all, it only helps my physical anxiety symptoms. I think I might need another med to go on top of it. I can't work either and I rarely leave the house. Can't stand being around more than 2 people at a time and feel uncomfortable with just one person. It's so debilitating. My childhood and adolescence was pretty traumatic too so now I'm paying for it big time. My fiance holds all the responsibility and I feel so worthless not being able to be normal and contribute. I'm sorry for your struggle. It does feel a little better that I'm not the only one but wouldn't wish it on another person.
 
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tomghanini2

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2015
Messages
1,596
Location
England
Avoiding people is my life. Checking spyhole before exiting tower block flat, when i press the lift button to go down and hear a noise on the floor which could be someone coming out I rush for the stairs, if I go press the lift button and it is already coming up, or above me coming down, I also go for the stairs as it could contain someone. And when coming home and press the lift button to come up I keep an eye on the main entrance so if someone comes in before lift has arrived I can take the stairs. Ain't life grand. :|
 
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