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Helpless

L

larry

Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2015
Messages
12
Hey, I posted here awhile back, but I decided today that I might as well make a new post.
In the past while I have been living through some really tough days. I have OCD that messes with everything I do. I have really disturbing thoughts that cloud my mind throughout the entire day, and the only way to get rid of them is filling my mind with other thoughts. Wether that be repeating someones name I know, thinking of killing myself, or simply thinking of a song. Often times I will get a headache from trying to avoid these thoughts.
I have a therapist but its honestly impossible to tell her everything because I am sure that what I am going through is not normal, and I just can't get myself to explain the entire situation. I have been dealing with this by myself for years and just seeing someone and trying to tell them everything is just too difficult.
Two weeks ago I started to hurt myself a bit, which is really messed up. Im not even sure if it helped, I think it did but I can't fully identify why.
I don't get excited for much anymore. If anything I probably get most excited for some TV shows that I watch, because it lets me live a different reality, but even then my OCD tends to increases when watching them and I just hope that it won't ruin that show forever.
I am normally very social, but recently I have had a bit of trouble socializing. Often times I feel like a bit of an outsider in social situations, and for that reason have been trying to avoid those situations.
i did not write down the full extent of what my OCD does to me, because as I stated before its just too difficult.
Sorry to bug you all once again, just decided to try and post again and see if it helped.
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,043
Hey :)

I hope writing it all down has helped you and I'm sorry the OCD is getting in the way so much.

Marliee x
 
L

Lillith

New member
Joined
Apr 5, 2015
Messages
4
I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I too have a really hard time opening up to my therapist and others in general because I don't think they'll understand and I also hate feeling exposed. This past year though, I made a point of pushing myself to talk about how my mind works. It gets frustrating at times because I feel like I can't articulate it, or I feel like the other person won't understand. I've done DBT group therapy sessions and they really helped me with my anxiety and obsessive thinking patterns. I'm not even close to how I want to be, but I feel less burdened than I did before.

I think that you really need to push yourself to open up to your therapist if you haven't already. Maybe there's a DBT group, or other therapy group in your area that could help you since you'd be around people who are also going through similar things. That was helpful for me too because I tend to not want to talk to people when I'm stuck in my head (and end up feeling anxious around people and isolated). Or, if you don't feel comfortable or that you can connect with your therapist, maybe it's worth looking into a new one. But having someone who is a part of the mental health network in your area is important. We all need someone to advocate for us.

Hope this helps.
 
cassandra36

cassandra36

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
Messages
46
Location
USA PA
Good luck. And I second a therapist change, if there is zero connection and trust it's worthless.
 
O

one-less

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 13, 2015
Messages
53
Hey, I posted here awhile back, but I decided today that I might as well make a new post.
In the past while I have been living through some really tough days. I have OCD that messes with everything I do. I have really disturbing thoughts that cloud my mind throughout the entire day, and the only way to get rid of them is filling my mind with other thoughts. Wether that be repeating someones name I know, thinking of killing myself, or simply thinking of a song. Often times I will get a headache from trying to avoid these thoughts.
I have a therapist but its honestly impossible to tell her everything because I am sure that what I am going through is not normal, and I just can't get myself to explain the entire situation. I have been dealing with this by myself for years and just seeing someone and trying to tell them everything is just too difficult.
Two weeks ago I started to hurt myself a bit, which is really messed up. Im not even sure if it helped, I think it did but I can't fully identify why.
I don't get excited for much anymore. If anything I probably get most excited for some TV shows that I watch, because it lets me live a different reality, but even then my OCD tends to increases when watching them and I just hope that it won't ruin that show forever.
I am normally very social, but recently I have had a bit of trouble socializing. Often times I feel like a bit of an outsider in social situations, and for that reason have been trying to avoid those situations.
i did not write down the full extent of what my OCD does to me, because as I stated before its just too difficult.
Sorry to bug you all once again, just decided to try and post again and see if it helped.
Agree with the earlier advice as I had the same problem last summer and ultimately didn't go back to her.

In fact I have the same problem - but somehow I got past it.

What happened was this: I experienced a great amount of trauma around the same time I had this issue. After identifying the true source of what was bothering me it was then that this symptom diminished.

Of course I still deal with this, especially when I'm extremely stressed out (which depending on the day...) but for the most part I don't struggle as much as I did while I was actively going through the trauma. So if you can find some way to sort it, maybe that will help. I know how overwhelming everything can feel when going through this...still it doesn't hurt to try. You will have a hard time trying to put the brakes on this so it will take a lot of effort but you've got to keep trying otherwise you'll keep suffering.

Feel free to message me :)
 
C

Caro5

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
169
Location
Too far from home
I think it is very hard to tell a therapist or anyone everything we feel. I do have a therapist I trust but even so I have not told her everything. I think I am torn between the need to offload everything and the fear/feeling that some things are just too much to share. I am trying to release things to my therapist a little piece at a time and trust that she won't judge me. I am also working hard on remembering that my negative thoughts about myself and my life are my negative thoughts and not those of other people.
 
L

larry

Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2015
Messages
12
Thank you all for the replies!
I dont think its that I dont trust my therapist but its that the stuff I'm going through is just really messed up and I dont she has ever heard of a similar situation to mine.
Im not sure if I could ever tell anyone about all the things I go through :(
Il do my best tho to try and give her more and more information.
Thanks again! :)
 
F

Fighting

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2015
Messages
14
I find it extremely difficult to talk to my therepist too because every time I talk to him it feels like I am seing him the first time, everything I say feels crucially important and when I leave I feel like all I said was pure nonsense. So that it makes it all so much a mess it is hard to figure anything out what I really should say. And it makes me feel bad about myself because I feel he thinks I am silly, though I know he should not.
 
C

Caro5

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
169
Location
Too far from home
Tell your therapist that you are scared of what he thinks of you. I did and still sometimes repeat this to my therapist and now she reassures me almost every visit that she does not think I am stupid or boring or too much for her or any of the other things I worry about. It does help.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
7,565
Location
A comet
Hello Larry, I also have OCD, I understand how exhausting it can be and how it hijacks our minds.
Maybe it will help if your write things down either on paper or even on this forum? That why you can then judge whether your ready to tell your therapist? Everyone on this forum are kind and supportive. We won't ever judge you :)
Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
 
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