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Helping/supporting my girlfriend who has depression

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PJCK88

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2021
Messages
2
Location
UK
My partner is suffering from depression. With a lot on her plate it has finally taken its toll and she is finding things a little difficult at the moment.

She has had depression for many years, most of her life. She is now in her late 20s and finding it more difficult than ever. With the weight of being the only provider at the moment at her family home, illnesses in the family etc. She seems to have hit her point that she is struggling daily.

When she had the courage to tell me earlier on in our relationship that she battles depression I was obviously shocked but really proud of her to be so open with me. As I haven’t really been around someone with such mental health issues I read a few books and articles online to give me a bit of an understanding of what depression really is and what can be done to support those you care about battling this horrible illness.

I could see for a few days that she wasn’t really herself and was finding things difficult. I would reminder her that she is not alone and I will support her all the way and with whatever she needs.

A day or 2 later she was finding it difficult to even answer the phone. She would miss my calls and would message saying talking on the phone is difficult for her at the moment. I totally understand what was going on and respected her and didn’t keep calling as I know that would just be annoying. She would still message as normal as she could and it was hard to see and feel that she was struggling.

The next day (a couple of days ago) she messaged me in the morning and poured her heart out saying she’s sorry and she has so much going on right now and her mind running at 100mph. She openly admitted she was struggling and let me know she has reached out to her doctor and is set to get therapy sessions booked which is really fantastic news.

In the same message she said her being distant with me really wasn’t fair on me but at this moment she needs to be selfish and focus on herself and get everything sorted. She asked for me to understand and then said I hope you can still be there and my closest friend, I just need time and space to sort this.

I totally respected her wishes. I was emotional when I got the message (who wouldn’t be) but I replied to her explaining I understand and that I’m her when she needs and have her back and will always be by her side. I then decided to send her some flowers to hopefully brighten up her day, even if it was the smallest bit of help. Again communication was there and she messaged thank me for such a lovely gesture. She then said she would call me in a few days.

I left her for a couple days after that. I didn’t reach out but couldn’t stop thinking about her. Because I have read so many things on depression I do know people asking everyday or nagging someone who is going through depression can be annoying and no help at all. But I felt I just needed to reach out in some way.

I decided with write her a nice letter which was me highlighting how strong I believe she is, how brave she is and how proud I am of her fighting this. I also made sure I reminded her that I am here and want to remain with her throughout this and any difficult time. I also made sure the letter had some fond memories of us to keep it light hearted too and finished it with a photo of us on one of our first dates and some words of motivation, which I thought was a nice touch. Sending the letter was something I hope she could turn to any day she feels down.

I sent her the letter digitally and she replied later that day saying she loved it. Upon her communication that day she informed me of some news we were waiting for (I will keep private but it wasn’t good news so something I know wouldn’t help the current situation) and then said she hopes I’m ok and we will speak soon. I kept my reply brief and nice so it didn’t look like I was jumping on the opportunity to speak to her, I’ve tried to balance her wishes of time.

Its been another couple of days and sadly I’ve not heard anything from her. Whilst it is difficult for me (don’t mean to sound selfish) my heart goes out to her. I’m going to remain strong and give her all the time she needs to get better.

Finding the balance is something I’m struggling with. I know I cannot reach out everyday and I need to respect her wishes. But finding that balance of hoping she knows all I’m thinking about is her, is tough.

I was thinking of making a little care package for her and to get it delivered (I could take it myself but I feel that’s going against her space/time wish and I wouldn’t want to trigger anything). Just some nice self care pampering products (face masks, bath bombs etc.) and some goodies that she likes (candles, insense, her fav chocolate etc), it’s this a good idea you think?

For someone who is new to the world of mental health it has really opened my eyes and changed my outlook on everything. To anyone who suffers or suffered from any mental health, I salute you! You’re all worriers!

Any first hand advice would be most welcome to help me with how I’m doing here to show her all the support and love possible to keep her moving forward to getting better.

Thanks all!
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
912
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
You should be commended for all of the ways that you show your concern for her and how you support her. I especially like the way you salute all persons suffering from depression as being warriors. I would tell her that maybe seeing a therapist for talk therapy would be a good idea for her--and for you. Good luck.
 
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PJCK88

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2021
Messages
2
Location
UK
You should be commended for all of the ways that you show your concern for her and how you support her. I especially like the way you salute all persons suffering from depression as being warriors. I would tell her that maybe seeing a therapist for talk therapy would be a good idea for her--and for you. Good luck.
Thank you, kindly.
 

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