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helping my husband to understand

NeoDelta

NeoDelta

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 23, 2010
Messages
107
Location
Southampton
hope this is the right place for this.

My husband is my carer, we have been through alot of things over the past 3 years, me running away, overdoses, hospital stay, my self harm, schizophrenia and depression.

He tries to understand and help me and by doing so he threw my blade away yesterday in a bid to stop me from self harming, he hates seeing the scars etc, but he doesnt understand that i do it because the voices tell me to do so and that its a coping mechanism when things get tough for me.

How can i help him understand?
 
Ladybug

Ladybug

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2010
Messages
19
Location
Eastleigh , Hampshire, UK
hey hun
this is just an idea but maybe what you could do is take time writing out why you do it and why you get out of it, sounds weird but try to keep it as nutral as possible because if its written in an angry way hes less likely to take it in.
then i would surgest either asking your friends who do it and get them to write the same obviously keep it completely annonymous so they feel safer (you know i will) of you could go through posts from other sites your members of and find posts that you think explain it well again annonymously, so he can read through them because alot of the time if its just your own words he wont be able to get past the pain that your being caused. you could even mix yours in with them.
and if that doesnt work i'll give you the link on msn but theres one site which i think it has a bit that tells carers and people involved how to cope and try and understand it.
but you have to remember he may never understand, which sucks i know, but i also know that sometimes he gets down aswell and for alot of people who are with a self harmer and there depressed and dont do it they find it incredibly hard to understand because they think "well im depressed and i dont do it so why do they" and everyone compares themself to other people and using that comparison doesnt help but its built in, its like people who have been bullied everyone deals with it differently and two people getting bullied the same way could go in two different directions, one could get depressed whilst the other could use it to help them do amazing things and use it to make themself super motivated and stuff.
i hope he can understand because i dont like seeing either of you off with each other and i know how hard it is on both of you but just remember i am a text away when ever you need me
love you
x
 
M

maudikie

Guest
To neodelta.

There is a website for people who self-har. I haven't seen it, but it might be worth a visit from you. In the meantine think of the distress you might be causing your husband.

Best wishes
 
Last edited:
X

xxxmetal-chickxxx

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 10, 2010
Messages
165
Location
Bulford England
ladybugs right...

he may not ever truelly understand. you just have to make it clear to him why u do it. My husband ... well hes trying to accept what i do. i know hes not going to be 100% ok with it ever but adleast hes going to try and bite his lip and let me be.

this is the point where im trying to stop rather than continue...
 
NeoDelta

NeoDelta

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 23, 2010
Messages
107
Location
Southampton
I had a bit of a wobbler last night and through the tears i admitted i wanted to cut and he just comforted me, i know he cares and doesnt want me to hurt myself. He helped me through the self harm urges and i never cut, he was really understanding last night.
 
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