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Ddot

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Mar 20, 2019
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#1
Im running out of options and feel like I’ve got to the point where I can’t take this intense pain any more. My on off boyfriend of 8 years split up with me just over a month ago because I couldn’t be the person he needed me to be. We had been arguing a lot over things that seem insignificant now but I couldn’t drop at the time. I love him so much and it’s so painful to see him moving on and feeling better in his life without me. I feel like his decision really is final this time and even if it wasn’t I know that I can’t trust my heart to him again (although I undoubtedly would). The pain really is too much. I can’t keep leaning on my friends and adding stress to their lives. I can’t see a way I could be happy again and feel this will always loom over me. Even it that’s not the case, in the short term I simply cannot take this pain, rejection and confusion. I recognise I’m getting closer and closer to ending it and it’s becoming less of a reliving thought and more of a necessity. I know it will be painful for those I leave behind, and I do not want to put the burden of my pain on them but I simply can’t go on knowing that it only going to get worse as I see him moving on more and me stuck m, isolated, alone and full of regrets and what ifs. Has anyone been through anything similar? I really need some hope
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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#2
Hi Ddot
Welcome to the forum! :welcome:
Im probably a lot older than you and have been through my fair share of break ups. I too suffer from mental illness and this is catapulted into the atmosphere when a break up occurs.

I can promise you that with some grit and determination you will come through this. As you said its painful and unbearable right now but that pain will pass i promise you.

You need to focus on your loved ones that you would leave behind they will not be ok without you, it would devastate their lives. Use this thought at a safety mechanism. You will have bad thoughts but override these with the thoughts of your family. Yes its emotional blackmail in a way but if it stops you going too far then its worth doing!

I promise you it will pass with time you just need to hang on in there. Talking here can be really helpful for you as you will find you are not alone.
Hugs
Fox
 
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Wildfire

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Aug 1, 2018
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#3
Hey there Ddot, I have been where you are. I split with my partner of 6 years a while ago and then the next few "relationships" were a mixture of toxic and just terrible situations.

If you were arguing, they may seem insignificant in hindsight, but there was a reason for them. Often it is easier to see the best parts and forget how bad the bad bits were. Lots of little bad things are often worse than one big thing. Relationships are hard, take work and a two way street. You have to be what each other need and not just what one person needs and you need to come to an understanding of what this is. 8 years is a long time and in that time you will either grow together or apart. It may seem terrible now, but in hindsight, given time you will see the good and bad times for what they are.

As for your friends, if they are true friends they will be there, because they know you will do the same for them. When I had bad times it was telling to see who abandoned me and who stood by me, both family and friends. These days some who did have moved on, as have I, but other are still there. That's what friends are for. As the song says, "I get by with a little help from my friends."

I think the best thing you can do is not focus on him. Do be a bit selfish and focus on yourself. Do things for yourself, to make yourself happy. Go on a trip, take up a new hobby, spend time out.

If you suffer from low times, this makes things harder, but be determined and try to move through it. Do speak to someone and don't do anything rash. I got to the point of comitting suicide and only just about made it. Don't be there. Since that time I have done and experienced so much. I still have days (like today) where I think that it would be easier not to be here, but I have a look back at the times I've had and the friends and experiences I've had and it is worth it. That one relationships didn't work out and I was lost, as I'm sure you feel.

But there is hope. I'm getting married soon and I'm still having bad days, life is stressful and hard, but there is much to look forward to if you work at it.
 
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Ddot

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Mar 20, 2019
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Location
UK
#4
I really appreciate you taking the time to get back to me and I hear what you’re saying. I’ve been here so many times before and I just don’t think I can do it again. Beforehand the only way I’ve got out of it is waiting for him to check in with me again, sometimes it’s taken years. I don’t have years now and I really don’t think it will come anyway this time. Even if it did it wouldn’t be right. I hate myself for being so weak that this relationship controls me, but it does. It’s all I’ve known in my adult life and I can’t see any other way out. I wish I had the strength to push on, but I just don’t.
 
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Wildfire

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Joined
Aug 1, 2018
Messages
81
#5
Hey, sorry for the long reply, I've been a bit busy with work and other stuff.

I think you need to move yourself forward. Don't hang on any one person, standing on your own two feet is absolutely key. It takes a while, little by little. You've said you waited years. This isn't good.

You recognise you don't have years, so get out there! :D

There is a while world out there for you to see and often one person can actually hamstring you and not help you see it.

Proper friends are key and they will help you. They know you will pay them back when they need it.
 

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