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T

Topcat

Guest
I need some help :(
Things are fucked up. Sorry for short sentences.
. I started contraceptive pill a month ago for help with pain. Was never good with the pill, but the pain was bad.
. after a few days, it was affecting my mood. Stuck me in a mixed state kind of mood, for longer than I could take.
. last Monday had lots of stress. Not good with stress either.
. saw doc and got lower dose pill.
. lost my mind at some point, have been shovelling booze, weed and tramadol down my throat, was totally happy about doing it even though I knew its bad. Lost my voice of reason, was 19 the last time I felt that way. Joyous self destruct. Even went to work shitfaced Friday.
. maybe lower dose pill brought me down a bit, regained voice of reason yesterday.
. have right fucked myself up. And for what? The endo pain is now hurting as it was before. So the fucking pill is not even helping a lot.
. Xmas Thurs, current mood not compatible. Can barely get out of bed.
. the tramadol made me happy, current state - I know it's bad, but......
. just desperate :low:

I don't know what to do :(
Only got GP to go to, and he's not dealing with my MH issues

Deep down, I know I can get through alone, but can't face the prospect happily.

Thanks x
 
T

Topcat

Guest
No, the tramadol is bad. It's like uppers, makes me high, then crash. Makes me out of control.
I got a box of 100 :scared:
Was abusing it last week. Stupid.
Am now suffering the consequences, plus a low I was heading for anyway.
Xx
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Sorry, should've made clear that the contraceptive had helped the endo pain, its been fine up til the last couple of days, so no need for any painkillers. I haven't been using them for pain relief.
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Also, had substance issues many years ago. For the same reason/feelings as now.
Feel the same now. Really bad.
I have nothing else right now, this is really hard :cry:
What does it matter anyway? Nothing's getting better no matter what :cry:
I just want to feel better :( :(
 
amathus

amathus

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Messages
16,317
Location
goodness knows!
Do you have a GP in your practice who has a specialism in psychiatry do you know?
Perhaps you would be able to get an appointment with them.
 
S

sandyp196

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2014
Messages
10
i have a depedance on solpodol. i used to take my mums painkillers when i was small to knock myself out, so always had some kind of dependance on painkillers. I remember getting prescribed solpodol 15 yrs ago after having my wisdom teeth out. within days i was addicted and have the spent the time since hanging onto that prescription through hell and high water.
I remember one day standing by my kitchen sink getting ready to take solpodol (id been clockwatching for hours). There was a bird chirping in the garden and it was a beautiful day. I thought to myself i dont need these painkillers. Its a beautiful day and im not in pain. Then i thought but i am. i am in pain and i want these solpodol as they calm me down and make me feel good. It was then i realised i was medicalisng my emotional pain. I keep saying i will do something about it but i never have. I just make sure i stay in the safe daily limit and drink plenty of water, and when im not well i write down when iv taken them so i dont accidently overdose as thats happened before. im not so concerned with dying. My main concern is survuvng and then losing my prescription because of the accidental OD.
My priorities are so messed up.
i do worry though what damage im doing over such a long period of addiction. But realistically its the least of my problems right now so i try not to obsess about it. Just makes me sad more than anything.
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Didn't take any today. Had rebound headache all day, wanted to commit murder, lots of anger, struggled at work, etc etc etc, blah blah blah
Just fessed up to husband.
Wish he actually understood me, but he's got not a bloody clue.
If tomorrow's bad, then sod it, I'll self medicate til after Xmas because I have to work Xmas day, have to not fuck up my kids xmas by being a bitch.
Aaaaaaaaarrrrghhhh!
Have had to smile and say happy things to total strangers "have a lovely Christmas" all feckin evening, and 80% of them pretty much totally ignored me, people are wankers
That is all
Apologies for the rant
 
L

lovagemuffin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
I tried to take the pill once it drove me round the bend! both my sister had the same reaction to it once my sister had the injection or whatever it was and felt really mental for a month! :loveshower:
 
P

Puddleduck

New member
Joined
Dec 23, 2014
Messages
1
I went through horrendous pain so ended up having the implant and they changed meds to suit, i now have zapain instead of tramadol. Everyone is different but it works for me and doesnt have much affect on my mood. I hope this helps in some way x
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Have just split a capsule in half. Take half.
I feel ill. Really horrible, then when I take it I feel better. If I drink on it, even better.
Can't believe how awful I feel by midday, by 3pm I can't take it. Ridiculous, I've not even been on strong doses, keeping it low. But even at the lowest dose, I feel like I need it every day :low:
So, split one today. And won't drink.
I just feel so horrible, sick, shivery, angry, dizzy, anxious.
Crazy
 
T

Topcat

Guest
And got bad cramps, but I don't know if that's just because, or because of not having tramadol.
I've been told to run my contraceptive pill packs back to back to stop all cycle stuff, despite that and not ovulating (sorry TMI) had my "period" since Tuesday with tummy cramps every day. Worse than I ever normally get it.
Just feel I can't sodding well cope with anything any more, I don't want to, I want it all to stop to go away.
 
T

Topcat

Guest
I fucking hate this place
Fucking hate myself
So fucking sorry for being a c**t
 
F

Fallen Phoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
I can understand being the fuck up part. Failure as a son, father, boyfriend and friend in just 8 months. I hope you can belive I can feel you.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
So sorry your having to cope with the pain your in too, have been dealing with a lot of pain myself this past week and it shut me right down. It's no wonder it leaves us irritated, damned angry, depressed, and feeling defeated. :(

The only thing that kept me going through the last week is seeing the gruesome pictures my cousin keeps posting of his post op pics from having a pain pump implanted in his gut for his back pain from a train accident that broke his back a few years back. He is in the US and the pain meds were costing him a fortune and getting harder and harder to get. He had the $50,000.00 auto pump installed christmas eve. Seeing those black and blue pics makes me realise that we can cope with and get through this pain as bad as it is. The guy doesn't let anything stop him moving forwards and concentrating on the pain free life he's going to be able to enjoy after he heals. To damn stubborn to let the pain stop him from going after his goals and achieving them. It helps me deal with my own pain and know it won't be forever and I will have good days.

Today I'm able to walk again my knees have settled down and the other pain throughout, is better and subsiding, so getting up and getting on with it, only to have heaps of work to catch up on. I do it for the boys, I keep going so they know anything can be overcome. It seems to help.
 
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