Help with undiagnosed bipolar 2 wife

E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
405
Location
USA
I think that all together you have enough evidence to argue that she might not be able to keep the best interest of the kids in mind at the moment. She’s clearly not keeping her best interest in mind.

Since you mentioned this sleep thing again though I don’t know what is causing her weird sleep habits but if I slept three hours a night I can imagine I would be doing some weird sh*t too. I can’t function without sleep at all.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
405
Location
USA
That could be the cause and not a part of the mania. Maybe if she treats that everything else will get better.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,598
Location
USA
I decided to catch up on posts in this thread and respond again.

Chris,you can speculate all you want but the truth is it's not really going to get you anywhere at all.Since you feel she suffers from an untreated mental illness maybe what you can do is go talk to a lawyer to gain temporary full custody until she is evaluated,in order to protect the kids.Or you can go talk to a judge/hospital/police and tell them she is a danger to herself or others to get her taken in for an evaluation,for a 24 hour hold.

You're going to do some serious damage to your own mental and physical health by being so caught up in all of this and trying to figure out what's going on with her.Regardless of what anyone has said here you are still convinced(even though you say you don't know for sure,have doubts,etc) that she is mentally ill.

Ok,so you think she's mentally ill.Do something about it.You need to protect your kids until she is evaluated and treated.If you believe she is then you shouldn't allow the kids to be alone with her at all,for their safety.In order to do that you need to involve outside help because you can't legally keep those kids from her if she chooses to take them.And if you do something about it now it will help you in the long run.God forbid if she took the kids and something happened to them with you seriously thinking she's mentally ill,would you be able to live with yourself?And wouldn't you be partially responsible?

I'm not going to debate whether she's mentally ill,is a drug addict or whatever anymore.I'm just going to trust what you say now,maybe you do know her better than anyone else.So now you need to go with that if that's what you believe.While it's good to come here for advice and to vent,ponder,etc. you really need to step things up in real life.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,598
Location
USA
I'm sorry for sounding harsh but there's like 120 plus posts in this thread,many of them are you explaining why you think she's mentally ill.You don't need to convince any of us,you need to trust your gut instinct and do something instead of just talking about it.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
67
Location
New york
Dont feel sorry for being harsh. I get where you are coming from and your right. I will talk to my lawyer and see what is in my right to do but knowing NY I wont be able to do anything as I only have txt messages and all my ex would need to do is say she didnt send those and NY would probably through them out. From what I hear NY is very pro mom. But none the less it's my job as their father to protect them so I will see what I can do.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,598
Location
USA
You're making excuses before even trying.Yes,it's your job to protect them so don't accept any excuses and do what you gotta do.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
405
Location
USA
I’m pretty sure you want us to tell you you’re overreacting and everything’s fine and you can just get things back to normal. You also can’t vilify your wife and it seems to really be eating at you trying to decide how to see her.

So you’re going in circles. I get it, I’m like the queen of panicked rumination. Just realized I’m also doing it myself with my own life. And it’s kinda paralyzing. It’s hard to act when your brain is like still obsessing over understanding details.

But like sunny said the details and why’s and how’s don’t matter as much as it seems they do. If you didn’t have kids I’d tell you to do whatever your heart desires and you might bounce back and forth and bring it her back and argue and then she leaves again, etc.

But since you do have kids you really need to use logical reasoning and not emotional reasoning. See the reality of the situation and then respond logically. It might be really scary but you can do it. Use your engineering brain not your love brain 😬
 
M

MisterMichael

Member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
17
Location
Tennessee
It is not easy to drop her, I missed work today because of worrying about her and slept all morning. Which is symptoms of being depressed. My hands shake and people noticed it. It is hardest thing ever to endure but must be done. I know somewhere deep in her mind she knows what she is doing but choosing to stay in another state - on beach - with ex-boyfriend and not with us her family - I never once touched or abused her and always showed great love. Just talked to my atty about some texts I sent offering support and telling her to go to airport for tiket home but she has sent 0 answers and realized she is trying to set me up on the restraining order I placed on her.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
67
Location
New york
It is definitely hard, especially since you know that this isnt the person you loved. It's like a switch went off and it's their body but the person you fell in love with is gone but you know they are still in there... I cant just not love her anymore I dont think it will ever happen. But I will do what's best for my kids and myself. But that does not mean I'm going to give up on helping her. I have come up with a gameplan on how to get her to come to reasoning and I hope it works. That does not mean i will take her back or want her back but she is important to me so I'm going to do what it takes to get her help if she will let me. If i was in her shoes i would hope someone would do the same for me. But it goes my kids, then myself, then her... and If she does not want my help so be it but I'm going to try.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
67
Location
New york
My mind has been stuck in this for a month now and it had been causing me problems ruminating but I've gotten better. I did learn about the divorce diet though... down 40 lbs.... almost have abs now.... thanks again though for everyone's support. I really have learned alot from everyone here and appreciate everyone's time. Dont know where I would be with out your help. Thanks,
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
405
Location
USA
I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to help her as long as you’re being clear headed about it as you do. Best of luck!
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,598
Location
USA
Chris,just so you know,anyone that has/does truly loved/loves someone understands how hard it is to try to walk away.Or how it's normal/natural to want to help them or want what's best for them.Love isn't like a switch that can be flipped off.

We all know that and understand
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
67
Location
New york
Well after all that getting mad that i wouldn't let her take my kids over the night she didnt even call to wish her daughter a happy 6th birthday...
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
405
Location
USA
Oh gosh that’s painful and I don’t even know your daughter. I have a family member who pulled something similar ten years ago and she really hasn’t changed. Her kiddos were raised (very well) by their dad and even though I’m sure they have some emotional scars from that time like they’re smart and successful.
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
405
Location
USA
I’m pretty sure their dad just cut her out and I mean she made poor choices but she’s still kickin. She made that choice to leave him and I don’t think he owed her anything else. He raised her kids.
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
67
Location
New york
I told her that mommy said happy birthday even though she didnt. I hope my kids dont walkway with to many scarres from this but if she keeps acting the way she has been I'm afraid they might end up with many.
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
I told her that mommy said happy birthday even though she didnt. I hope my kids dont walkway with to many scarres from this but if she keeps acting the way she has been I'm afraid they might end up with many.
Yes, they might. But speaking from experience they will also have scars if you guys stay together and things continue like they are. Divorce doesn’t always =Bad
 
C

Chris3141

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2019
Messages
67
Location
New york
I asked her why and she said she worked till 530 and then went to a restaurant with her bf and that's why she didnt call. Then she wanted me to wake our daughter up so she could wish her happy bday I said no. And havent talked to her since now she is blowing up my phone. I'm so done with this crap...
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
I asked her why and she said she worked till 530 and then went to a restaurant with her bf and that's why she didnt call. Then she wanted me to wake our daughter up so she could wish her happy bday I said no. And havent talked to her since now she is blowing up my phone. I'm so done with this crap...
I wouldn’t wake her either. She made a choice now she can deal with the consequence. Stay strong and don’t take her call tonight if that’s at all possible. I’m a mother and have Bipolar 1. My children always have been and always will be #1 in my life!